Could some kind of "hook up" help me get out of this?

That will more likely remind you of the reason why you’re depressed.

Empty hook-ups will often leave you feeling the same way they started – empty.

The question you have to ask is… Will I feel more or less depressed when these meaningless girls leave? Also, if you are no over your ex, are you sure you want to get intimately involved with these girls that you know? What happens when they become attached…

Sounds like this will just create more hurt feelings, not to mention the emotional problems that come down the road with having had many hook ups.

Go online and look up people that have huge problems. It is always an eye opener when you find someone working at life that is worse off than you.

@JustmeAman @sigh29 I’m aware that it won’t be a permanent fix for how I feel. Frankly at this point I just would like to feel something other than sadness, and most of the time I don’t. I may still be empty when they leave, but at least I’ll have had something else for that time. And with these girls it doesn’t seem attachment is an issue.

and @sigh29 I’ve already had too many “hook-ups” in my life, but at this point it just doesn’t seem like it matters anymore.

@JustmeAman I have tried this, and often did do this even when not depressed just to feel better about my life. Watching cops or Judge Judy or something (nothing too depressing cuz if the other person has cancer or something I just end up even more depressed).

And on top of everything it doesn’t help me to think that she basically left me to date other guys, so who knows what she’s out there doing?

@tedd I think you know that none of these quick fixes will work (alcohol, sex, etc) Dependency and rebounds are bad… and don’t work. The only thing that will help, unless you’re willing to get help, is time. You just have to wait it out and try to make some life changes. Sure, have someone over to cuddle, talk to, etc. But if you just rebound, I think you’ll make things more complicated… you can never say for certain who will get attached, either. Get your stuff together and get your life back on track. There are no quick fixes for big issues.

@tedd

I understand and have been through it with my first wife. It was very hard and the first few times I saw her with another man was very hard but in time it passes. I’m very glad that I am not with my ex now and have found a wonderful woman to share my life with. When I was so depressed I had lost a son from a brain anurism who passed in my arms, my father passed, I lost a job, I went through a divorce, I was excommunicated from my Church and life was not worth living. I couldn’t see how I could survive and didn’t care. I wrote letters to all my family and was prepared to finish it but when I stopped and thought about things rationally I couldn’t go through with it and I decided to get some help. I was on prosac for a couple of years and now I take nothing but I made it through. You can do it. You are worth it.

the answer is simple : if you have to ask, you probably shouldn’t do it.

Look I’m working through my life and fixing the things…. I just am wondering if a hook up wouldn’t be an idea to help temporarily get away from this sadness, that isn’t going to go away anytime soon regardless what I do. Besides, she’s probably out there hooking up with guys…. if its good enough for her why not me?

Maybe that is the way you can handle things. Just stop and ask yourself why you would hook up. Would it be because of her or because you want too. Would it be for revenge because you think she might be doing it? If it is what you want and it would help you then that is your choice. You will do what you have to, to survive. Good Luck.

Well, if you are looking for a hook-up to boost your mood, be careful. The problem in depression is with self-esteem. To improve your mood you actually have to have something personal happen. A hookup isn’t really about you. It’s that you have a cock and some chick wants it between her legs.

For it to be about you, she’d have to actually care about you, and not just as a friend, but more. If you’re going to use love to boost your mood, it’s very dangerous. It might work for a while, but then things will go south, and your depression will be much worse than the one you had before.

Honest, @tedd, see a doctor. If you can’t see a doctor, go to a therapist and find someone who will see you for low or no cost. Meds will help.

You’re frantically looking for anything to help you that is “natural.” I doubt if it will happen. There’s no need to make yourself suffer.

It’s good to ask questions like these and get people’s attention. People can focus on trying to help you, and that suggests that people care. It’s nice to be cared about, and the attention people focus on you can actually make you feel better. After all, they wouldn’t do it if you were worthless and boring.

But it’s not enough. It helps, but it isn’t enough.

Also, it’s a one-time trick. I’d do it again, but I know people would see through it and lose whatever respect they had for me. So choose wisely. I would only do it when I really needed it. It won’t work again when you’ve already used it, and next time you might really really need it.

Wait! Let me get this straight! You have:“three girls who have made it abundantly clear that they would “hook-up” with me. Be it cuddling, making out, sex, whatever.”

And you’re depressed?!?! You are further ahead than 95% of the guys on the planet!
Get on the phone/facebook/crackberry and start pushing buttons. Now!

Sure, you’re in pain now but this too shall pass.
By the way, I’m glad you didn’t decide on drinking. Good for you. Her loss.

@wundayatta I’m not looking for attention, I’m genuinely wondering this things. My real life friends can vouch for me not complaining to them, in fact a lot of them probably don’t even know anything is up.

@tedd What’s wrong with getting attention? It is something that can help with depression.

@wundayatta I don’t want to be that emo guy. Its bad enough that i’m making sad facebook posts (though I’m trying not to). I mean I had one up last friday and the ex-g/f thought it meant i was trying to kill myself… .Thats not what I need or want. I don’t want pity from my friends and my ex… let alone the fact it was pretty insulting. I’m incredibly depressed, but i’m trying to work through it…. I guess essentially I just want to know if this is a half decent idea to help me in the mean time.

@tedd I see. As I said, besides the ins and outs of this solution, it also has ups and downs.

@wundayatta haha, I enjoyed the in’s and outs pun.

@tedd Why not talk to a friend about how you are feeling rather than a quick hook-up? You are holding it all inside yourself.

You seem to be turning down the positive things that you could be doing while sort of asking for permission to do the negative things that you really know you shouldn’t do.

@marinelife Well I have avoided talking to the majority of my friends about it, or letting them know… But I have talked to a handful of them at length about it. Unfortunately this hasn’t helped…. In fact I ended up making one of them feel worse because she realized she’s still in love with her x b/f.

I am getting frustrated. You seem to be turning down all the good advice you have been given on several threads and looking for destructive ways out. I’m very sorry you are depressed but I think I will leave it at that since you are ignoring everything else.

@janbb I don’t know what you want man. I’m changing the things that are bothering me that I am able to change. I am still waking up every day and going to work. I’m not going to seek therapy, and I’m not going to get medication. And asking whether hooking up with someone, or getting drunk might help to temporarily assuage my anguish that isn’t going to go away anytime soon… is perfectly legit.

@tedd Each to his own solutions then. I wish you well.

@iamthemob summed it up pretty succinctly. Empty actions will only increase empty feelings.

@tedd: Why not do some research about depression elsewhere, since you dislike the collective experience of the collective?

Add promiscuity to the list of terrible ideas. If we followed your suggestions, even those of even disposion among us would feel lousy.

Nothing is illegitimate; anguish that endures is painful. “I’m not going to seek therapy, and I’m not going to get medication.” is simply hard to understand.

Try to have a car run over your feet. When it stops, you will feel better.

If you feel the need to hook up with someone else just to prove that you are over your ex, or to even up the score, then you probably aren’t ready to have anyone new in your life, even on a casual basis. A casual encounter will provide temporary relief for the pain, but it will return in full force once your new friend has left and you are alone.