Would you abandon your friend who has suicidal thoughts?

I had a friend that did commit suicide..we spoke about his decision and I supported him the best I could….

@coffeenut you supported his decision of suicide ?

@gamefu91 yes and no…. part of me didn’t want to loose my friend and the other part felt he was justified in his decision…

I’ve only ever come close once, but thought about it many, many, many more times. I own the proverbial t shirt when it comes to depression. and when someone is that depressed, enough to want to end their life you need to go tell someone who is qualified to deal with it. Your friend would need help and support that as a layperson you are just not able, no matter how much you love them, to give them.

The one amazingly powerful thing you can give a friend, is an ear. Sometimes problems do just melt away as if by magic when you are able to get it out of your head, into the open and having a supportive friend who is absolutely on your side but still able to bounce ideas or disagree when needed (“it’s not your fault” or “that’s how I feel sometimes”), is all thats needed.

I have a friend who I used to talk to every day and we were really close, she was my best friend. When we both were really sad, we would talk for hours (some times all night) about how we both wanted to die, but I remember once I was sad but not too much when she told me she was holding a knife at the moment and that she would try to kill herself. I remember it like it was yesterday…. I spent 3 hours talking to her untill she started to forget about it and when we stopped talking I told her to text me so I knew she was still alive. And then the rest of the week I was so afraid but in the end she didn’t do anything. She’s still alive now and we’re still friends but we’re not close like we used to be because she’s changed so much. I’m really disappointed cause she’s trying to fit in and she’s almost turned into a girl like those stupid ones, but it’s better now cause she doesn’t want to die.

The thing about suicide is that some people talk about it for attention purposes. The best thing to do is not talk about it and just distract them with other crap. I’ve found that most people who are serious about suicide don’t talk about it and those that just seek attention talk about it obsessively. This doesn’t apply to all, I’m sure, but most of my experiences were like this. Since you can’t flat out ask someone “are you just looking for attention,” I would just try and distract them with other things; give them a reason to want to live.

If I had a friend who had suicidal thoughts, then I would do my utmost to always be there for them, to listen to them, reassure them and always be ready to drop what you are doing to be at their side.

Sometimes people don’t know any other way of asking for attention. I always figured that if people wanted to give me attention, they would, and if they didn’t, then I didn’t deserve any attention. The more depressed I got, the more suicidal I got, and the more I needed intense attention. Not that I deserved it. Better just to remove myself from the scene.

Even if people did give me attention, I always discounted it. It was fake attention. It was attention because I was manipulating them, but they didn’t really mean it. I made it hard for people to give me attention, because I didn’t believe they really meant it, and because I thought if I could chase them away, I could sink down in peace, knowing I meant nothing to anyone.

Of course, I was hoping that was a lie. I was hoping someone really did love me enough that I couldn’t chase them away. It was hoping I did mean something to someone. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to die.

Anyway, my point is that attention is a very important thing. I don’t know why people say, “they’re just looking for attention.” Of course they are. That’s what will keep them alive. Just because they play a game to ask for it doesn’t discount it or make the request invalid. Depressed people may not know any other way to ask, because they have forbidden themselves to ask.

If your friend wants to go forever, then be there. Show them love. Show them you care. Show them you will hold onto them as much as it takes to keep them from going.

I am conflicted by the idea of letting them convince you they have reason to go. I don’t think anyone wants to die. They just don’t know any other way of dealing with the pain. If you can get them to a doctor, maybe they can get the help that will work.

I also believe that even inside all that pain, we all have a place… a “me” place… that does not want to be “un-me.” It’s a hard place to get to, because it has layers and layers of protection. But if you can reach it, it can be strong enough to keep a person from dying. Remember, no one really wants to die. We just want the pain to stop. You can do a couple of things. You can make the pain stop, or you can strengthen the “me” enough to withstand the pain. Do both.

I don’t know. I would want to be there for them but I would find it extremely difficult to cope with and would probably end up making it all worse, for both them and for myself.

If any one of my friends started talking suicide then I’d know something was very out of the ordinary and wrong so I’d pester, push and hover until I could get them to talk to someone skillful in whatever area.

I agree with what some others have said in that most people I’ve ever known to even mention suicide have been perpetual attention seekers and none of them ever did it. I didn’t have much patience for those types.

I wouldn’t pity my friend, I would be concerned about him/her. If one of my friends was talking about suicide, I would want to help them as much as I could and if it got where I was really concerned (even more than I already would be) I would try to get someone to help him/her.

I wouldn’t abandon them. I would do everything in my power to help them.

I’ve had a few online friends who were suicidal or practiced self-harm. I tried my best to help them, but there’s only so much you can do through AIM chat. Plus, I was only 13/14 at the time. After a few months of this I realized I was hurting myself by constantly trying to help these people who didn’t want to help themselves, and I forced myself to get some distance. I still think about them and hope they’re okay.

I did have a friend who committed suicide in 2009. It was very unexpected. If I had known he was so depressed and contemplating suicide, I would have been there for him to talk him out of it. I’ve been depressed before, so I understand how it feels… I just wish I’d had a chance to tell him “it will be all right” and help him help himself…