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markferg's avatar

If Jesus were to come back...

Asked by markferg (1877 points ) February 20th, 2011

…as a software developer, what platforms, languages and methodologies would he use? Would it still need testing?

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24 Answers

auntydeb's avatar

I can’t make a useful reply to this, I’m still laughing! GQ @markferg hope you don’t mind the chortling… No, can’t stop! ;o)

mammal's avatar

someobody needs time-out.

basstrom188's avatar

Don’t worry the men in the white coats are on their way

SmashTheState's avatar

A bearded, rebellious demi-god struggling against evil for the good of all humanity? We’ve already got Stallman, we don’t need another.

coolblue's avatar

Let’s see if Jesus can settle the Mac Vs PC debate. We definitely need some God’s intervention on that.

Melonking's avatar

He did come back and his name is…
cough Steve Jobs cough

Blackberry's avatar

LOL! Whatever his programs are…..they wouldn’t need testing because we would just have to believe him and use our faith.

Uberwench's avatar

AngelScript, of course, unless the “J” in JScript stands for “JESUS.” And he’d prefer lean development strategies (seven principles—a holy number—and two of them are about integrity and team-building). His programs would be marketed as infallible and universally applicable, but would only capture a 33% market share.

One thing’s for sure, though: if Jesus came back as a software developer, churches would have to stop vilifying Dungeons & Dragons so much. Can’t diss the savior’s hobby!

Jesus would, of course, play a cleric with the chaotic good alignment.

zenvelo's avatar

Any bugs would be considered “functions as designed”. They would be a test of your dealing with adversity, and their true function will be revealed when you die.

The code would all be based on BASIC with just four instruction keys that can be manipulated into millions of very complicated apps.

kess's avatar

Jesus would have operated within the rules of the language unless of course he purpose to do different..

remember he was a carpenter,,,, he ate , slept, walk to the places he wanted to go…

Though he had full knowledge of his identity as son of God he operated as a regular man in practical living….

He would not be doing great and mighty things just for the sake of men to prove himself….

Only when He thought it was necessay..

markferg's avatar

@kess – So, to paraphrase your response, you haven’t a clue what the question was about but you couldn’t resist the urge to proselytize.

May the Lord strike you down for your hubris. Hallelujah!

Kardamom's avatar

I find it highly unlikely that Jesus’s profession would be that of software designer. I think the first thing he would do is march right up to Bono and Obama and tell them that he is the real Messiah! But then he would tell Bono that he absolutely loves U2 and to keep up the great songwriting. Woot! Then he would ask Obama to put him to work.

I think he would love to go on Top Chef and do his thing with the loaves and the fishes, or whatever he could with the secret ingredient.

markferg's avatar

@Kardamom – Yes, but the question begins with ‘If’ so the likelyhood of the question is not part of the question. there is a ‘Meta’ section for questions about Fluther questions.

ragingloli's avatar

He would use a made up OS, pretend to be programming with a made up programming language and then sell a completely useless product with a stated function that it does not fulfill and then tell his ripped off customers to “just have faith” to make the program work.

His customer support system would consist of his customers praying for support, to which they will receive no answer, while a mass produced pamphlet will tell the customers that the lack of a response just means that they have not had enough faith to make the program work.

dreamer31's avatar

He would create a program that instantly enables me to understand/utilize all of the cool even the not so cool features on my computer, because…......Lord knows I need the help!

auntydeb's avatar

…to be honest, he’d probably go for Linux.

Anemone's avatar

Word. Free platforms, open source. Other than that, I don’t know.

auntydeb's avatar

…drab interface, ‘free to use’; loads of ethics, a ‘community’ of developers with no obvious financial interest; kind of humble, yet powerful…

the100thmonkey's avatar

@auntydeb – Jesus would be pimping Compiz, and you know it.

auntydeb's avatar

Oh my, lawks-a-lordy, take cover! @the100thmonkey we bow to the almighty!

Anemone's avatar

Uh, when I said “word” back there, I was seconding @auntydeb… not suggesting that Jesus would use Word. He or she would definitely use Open Office.

talljasperman's avatar

He would use Q BASIC and would write in spaghetti code.

auntydeb's avatar

Ah, how time flies. Of course nowadays Jesus would simply use The Cloud and no one would ever really be able to access anything he did. It would be a mystery and totally open to interpretation by opportunists, hackers and psychopaths. His brand would be worth more than all of cyberspace and yet somehow, he would not be believed. Such is life.

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