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SincereNyc's avatar

What does it mean when a man says he is "in like" with a lady?

Asked by SincereNyc (132 points ) March 10th, 2011

This is my ex-fiance and we have been friends since breaking up a few years ago. He had an happy tone when he told me the news, and just responded what do you want me to say. He did not know what he wanted me to say, so it was left at that. I am currently dating a guy but that is head over heals and wants to eventually marry but my heart is with my ex deep down. He told me this for when he was interested prior in another relationship, I couldn’t handle it and told him so, guess he broke that off for he did not want me to cut off our friendship. What to do?

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7 Answers

Seelix's avatar

Your ex-fiance told you that he’s “in like” with a woman? I’d take it to mean that he cares very much for her and wants to be with her, but isn’t yet at the point where he’d say he loves her. I don’t know what else you’re looking for – your question is a little confusing.

P.S. Welcome to Fluther.

cak's avatar

^^^ what @Seelix said!

I think the wording is a little hard on this one, but I was getting the same idea as @Seelix, but then it started getting confusing.

Are you also saying that you really still like your ex, but are dating someone else? And maybe you were not thrilled with hearing he likes someone else?

BarnacleBill's avatar

Don’t marry the great guy you’re currently with if your heart is still with your ex.

Kardamom's avatar

I’m not sure exactly what your question is either. The wording of the question is kind of confusing and it seems like there is more going on here, than just asking about what “in like” means. But I’ll give it a shot.

Generally, when someone says they are “in like” with a person, it means that they are on the road to falling in love, but it’s just the very beginning stage.

You said that you still have deep feelings for your ex, and the last time that you told your ex that you “couldn’t handle it” when he said he had feelings for someone else, your ex broke it off with his new girlfriend. I see a few problems here.

Not sure why you and your fiance broke up. If he broke up with you, because he didn’t love you or want to marry you, then you probably shouldn’t even attempt to be friends with him now, after the fact, because it will always be too painful for you and you will always subconsciously be trying to win him back, even if it means that you sabotage his other relationships.

If you broke up with him, what was your reason? Again, you probably shouldn’t remain this close of friends with him after the fact, because it’s kind of like you are “playing house” with him and will always be in the way of any future relationship he might try to form with someone else, because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, so he dumps the new people.

You and your ex need to figure out NOW, if you’re meant to be together as a couple. In the meantime, you should cool it with your current boyfriend, and let him know that you need to figure this thing out, if you stay with the current boyfriend while you are figuring it out (or don’t tell him what’s going on) it’s not fair to him at all. Your current boyfriend deserves to have someone that loves him and wants to be with him, only, not have someone that really loves another guy much more. How awful.

If you are pretty certain, that you and your ex are not meant to be together, then step back from this relationship, because right now, you are kind of creating a threesome, where there should only be a two-some. If I was the woman who your ex is dating right now, and I found out that you were still interested in him, I’d be pretty upset and want you to back away from my boyfriend.

It sounds like you and the ex need to do some soul searching, but make sure that all of the other parties involved (your boyfriend and his current lady friend) know what is going on too.

Summum's avatar

I would say it is a big compliment when some one tells you that they like you. Often times we go directly to love and romance but making friends and liking the person you want to spend your life with is very important. What a wonderful thing to tell a person.

cak's avatar

@Summum True!

@SincereNyc: @BarnacleBill is really onto something and so is @Kardamom. It’s time to really assess your current relationship.

Make sure you are being true to yourself and your current SO’s feelings. If you still feel that deeply about someone else, it’s really time to reconsider where you are, right now. You both deserve to be happy and to have someone in your life that has true feelings for you, without having to compete with old feelings for someone else.

seazen_'s avatar

I’m totally in like with Jeruba. Just saying.

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