Social Question

rodydoe89's avatar

Is it a big deal to ask, "Please don't touch my stomach?"?

Asked by rodydoe89 (356 points ) September 24th, 2010

My SO flipped out this morning because I asked him not to touch my stomach. It’s the only place on my body that I don’t want him to touch. I am very sensitive and self-conscious of it, even though there’s not really anything wrong with it. That’s just how I feel. Even if I had a six pack, I still wouldn’t want someone touching my belly. So who’s wrong in this situation? Should he stop his baby bitching and get over that I don’t want him to touch my belly? Or should I stop being so sensitive and let him touch my stomach?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

42 Answers

zen_'s avatar

Both. It’s your body so you have a right as to who touches you when and where.

On the other hand, I love the tummy area of my woman, and I’d leave her if she didn’t give me any tummy time at all.

Compromise.

iammia's avatar

Hmm difficult one….my other half hates me near his nipples but I’m afraid it has the opposite effect on me and i tend to invade them when he’s not expecting it. I do it just to annoy him . I know I’m doing it for my own self satisfaction and he genuinely hates it.

So maybe if i were you I’d guide his hand else where..:)

marinelife's avatar

It’s your body and you have a perfect right to ask not to be touched anywhere you don’t want to be touched.

Why is he having a fit?

AmWiser's avatar

Of all the places to be sensitive, but its your body and others should respect that you don’t want to be touched there. I too have a sensitive spot and there is no compromise…just don’t touch it!

wundayatta's avatar

Do you have any doubt that your body is your body? That he flips out is his problem. If you don’t like tummy-touching, there is no reason why you shouldn’t protect your body. If it makes your SO angry—he’ll come to grips with it. And if he doesn’t, that is something to pay attention to.

rodydoe89's avatar

@marinelife He says that he is no common person from the street, that he loves my body and especially my stomach… and my butt, but we won’t get into that. I grew up with 3 older brothers constantly calling me fat, stupid, ugly, white, etc… I have lost quite a bit of weight, however, and am now 5’5”, approximately 120 pounds, but still am sensitive about certain parts of my body, especially my stomach.

zen_'s avatar

Did a little research and found some lightweight body armour flak jackets you could try. This is the best one I found. Wear it before bed and you’re guaranteed a quiet night.

marinelife's avatar

He may not be a common person from the street, but he is still a separate person from you. If you don’t want him touching your stomach, he should respect that.

On the other hand, you need to get used to who you are now. Know that he is touching your stomach with love. You need to learn to love your own body.

ucme's avatar

One potential problem I foresee, if & when you get pregnant. I mean, I loved touching my wife’s tummy to feel “baby” move & kick. Would be a shame to miss out on such a marvellous experience. Otherwise, it’s your body & therefore your choice in what gets touched :¬)

Deja_vu's avatar

Don’t be so sensitive! If he’s touching it, he might like it. Don’t create a wall because of your insecurities. Come on.

thekoukoureport's avatar

How can someone love you and your body if you wont let them? When you are exploring each other and he comes in contact with your belly do you have the same reaction? Understand that touching is a public display of affection. Boys have been pulling girls hair since the fourth grade. So eaaassssy there fella he just loves you.

Deja_vu's avatar

Remember, Bellies can be hot.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I don’t let my husband touch my stomach either, for exactly the same reasons you listed. I know that it is my issue, not his, but he respects that I don’t like to be touched there.
However, my husband likes my stomach (it sounds like your SO feels the same way about yours), and I have bent a little bit on the issue. He knows that he shouldn’t catch me off guard and just grab at my midsection, because I’m likely to jump or squirm. He also uses light touches and for very short periods of time, otherwise I become too self conscious and I will just stiffen up like a board… not exactly the desired result for anyone. Maybe you could try offering suggestions like that to your SO and see how they feel?

rodydoe89's avatar

@zen_ I’m going to buy one of those. Great idea! Thanks!
@thekoukoureport I do feel the same way when we are exploring each other. I know it may sound stupid, but I always feel like he’s judging me. And I know, I know, that’s insecurity. But it’s something I’ve dealth with my whole life, and I really just don’t know how to get over it.
@TheOnlyNeffie That’s a really good answer.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@rodydoe89 glad I could help, I hope you find a happy medium for both of you.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

That’s a tough one. As a guy I like exploring and touching everything, and as someone else said, bellies are hot. Maybe find out if he has an area that makes him self conscious and work on relaxing with each other and just getting intimate and comfortable with each other.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

hahahaah funny and cute question I think…
Though it’s your body so you decide what you want to do and he has to stop bitching as you said!

BoBo1946's avatar

Um mm… it’s your body, so… she/he should respect that. Having said that, my s/o can touch me anywhere she so desires.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@rodydoe89 OK enough about the stomach. What’s with the butt? Time to fess up.

CMaz's avatar

“and I’d leave her if she didn’t give me any tummy time at all.”

Yep, comes down to either you both connect or ya don’t.

rodydoe89's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe LOL it jiggles and he likes to grab it and wiggle it and it drives me nuts! Which it took me a little bit to become ok with that, but the stomach thing is different for me, I don’t know.

thekoukoureport's avatar

Let go the story in your head. let go and be loved.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@rodydoe89 Oh no. You put that out there for the packs of roving piranhas on this site and you’re worried about your s/o touching your stomach?:)

rodydoe89's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe You are right. What in the hell was I thinking?
@thekoukoureport Okay. I can do this. I’m 21, an adult, it’s time to stop being a child, right?

thekoukoureport's avatar

It’s not a child its a belief… that you are sexy. Sexy is not a look its a state of mind and when you get there you don’t care. My kids have finally learned it and their expiences in life are amazing! As mine have been. I don’t mean sexually either I mean just attitude, confidence. Cause it’s your world, you might as well make it right.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@rodydoe89 I was thinking you’re fairly young. At 21 you’re not going to be comfortable with everything. Just take your time and communicate with your s/o. You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you. Just remember the communication thing. Everything else will fall into place as long as you do that.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t get how people can be as shallow as to leave someone over not being able to touch their belly. Anyway, it’s your absolute right (given your past) to ask to not touch your belly and if he’s a douche ,he’s a douche..what are you going to do? You are more than the sum of your parts and certainly more than your tummy.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@rodydoe89 Does he typically respect your boundries and it’s just the stomach thing he bitches about or are there other areas he over steps?

Pandora's avatar

Find a spot that he really doesn’t like you to touch and touch it. When he says, hey, thats off limits than tell him thats how you feel about your belly. Tit for tat. You let him if he lets you. Bet your belly won’t be his focus anymore.
Example. He may not like you fondling his breast.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Pandora Definitely, good idea.

Mikewlf337's avatar

It isn’t a big deal some people don’t like their stomach touched. I love it when a woman touches my stomach.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

There is a big difference between ‘sensitive’ and ‘self-conscious’. When it comes to the latter, having a partner that appreciates or sincerely overlooks something that you might consider a flaw should be valued.

Pandora's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer This is true. But if words from a love one was all that was needed to may a person not feel self-conscious than therapist would have a hard time finding employment. All one can do is assure the person that it is an attractive quality and give it time. But pushing your own wants on someone when they are not comfortable with it won’t hasten the process. If anything it may make it worse because now you can’t be trusted because of their actions and because they are ignoring your feelings about something that is a sensitive subject with you.
Its almost the same as throwning a bug on someone who is terrified of bugs. Some people may do it to show them there fear is ridiculous. Now they are angry, resentful and probably more afraid than ever.
She has a fear of being judged about her belly. Its not uncommon. A lot of people fear being judged about some part of their body.

sinscriven's avatar

While it is your body and you have a right to dictate how it is touched, I think it’s pretty unfair of you to dismiss his disappointment as “baby bitching”. He’s trying to share a moment of intimacy and tender affection and you’re refusing him, so I think it’d be natural for him to feel upset and dejected. This wouldn’t be any different than if you tried to give him a hug and a kiss and he shoved you away and called you a clingy-ass.

It wouldn’t hurt to have a talk with him about this, and even see a therapist once to talk about potential body image issues. The tummy is a beautiful and sexy area of the female body and it would be good for you to appreciate it as much as he does.

My girlfriend was in the same boat you were in, she wasn’t happy that her tummy was a little chubby and would get really tense if i touched it. But with time and patience, she finally accepted that I was not judging her, that her tummy really was sexy and that I truly did love her body for what it was and the insecurities just melted away. Now she just grins like a fat kid with cake.

Hopefully something can be worked out to where you two are both happy because having “no fly zones” is a pretty big damper on intimacy and just comfort when you’re worried about what you can and can’t touch.

poopnest's avatar

Maybe you should find a man who you would like touching your stomach. Maybe you are already with him. Let him touch your stomach once in a while. Don’t let the feelings you have about your stomach stop a good thing.

liza462's avatar

I firmly believe that when you tell your partner that you don’t like to be touched there he should respect your wishes. I have a similar issue. I hate my belly button touched. It is ultra sensitive so I don’t like it. He of course ignores my request. I think if I had kept my mouth shut he probably wouldn’t try so often to touch my belly button.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Some belies just scream “touch me!”

If you have one of these it should be enjoyed.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, it is odd, but each to his own and he needs to respect your little quirks, just as you would respect his (I hope.) My husband hates for me to be in the bathroom at the same time as him, even if all he’s doing is drying his hair. I try to respect that, although I don’t understand it.

@SecondHandStoke You can not command some one to enjoy something!

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Pandora Even though you aren’t here any more I had to pull that tactic on my hubs early in our relationship. He thought it was cool to come up behind me while I was cooking (or whatever) and grab my breasts. I hated it. When I asked him not to do it it’d get angry. So finally I started giggling, like I guess he wanted me to do, and I grab his balls. And giggle. He quit after the 3rd time.

Pandora's avatar

@Dutchess_III LOL
Good for you.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Hi! I thought you were gone!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther