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tianalovesyou's avatar

What to do about my mom and dad?

Asked by tianalovesyou (667 points ) March 20th, 2011

My parents have been fighting a lot. My mom gets REALLY upset and even throws stuff around. She even tried to get therapy and gave up on that. She freaks out over everything, and is always yelling at my dad. I heard her say she wants to send my older sister to boarding school. She also says she is going to “take off”
My dad handles everything as best he can. Never once has he hit or yelled at me. But now I just don’t know how to feel. Sometimes I hear them talk and it really hurts me. Should I do nothing like I always do or should I try talking to someone?

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13 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

Does your mother have mental health issues? Is she stressed out from work? Perhaps start by talking to your father, and tell him how stressful the arguments are for you. Perhaps you need family counseling.

I’m sorry you’re going though this.

janbb's avatar

You should definitely be talking to someone about your feelings about this. It sounds like a very painful situation. If you cannot find a way to talk to a therapist, try to talk to a teacher, religious leader or older family member that you trust. This is a big burden to carry alone. I am sorry that you are going through it.

DJoy83's avatar

It never hurts to talk to someone about issues that are troubling you. Find someone who you trust and who you know will keep your discussions confidential. And as for your parents fighting, as hard as it may be, I can only offer the advice I was always given: “stay out of grown folks business.” Good luck.

WasCy's avatar

No one here can “resolve” the issues you bring up. For example, saying that your mom “freaks out over everything” and that your dad “handles things as well as he can” doesn’t really give an objective indication that your mom is “wrong” and your dad “right”. Your mom may be more or less rationally (if stressfully) dealing with some big issues, and your dad may be totally passive and apathetic. I’m not saying that this is the case, only that no one here can tell. So anyone taking the side of one parent or the other (and they may both be handling situations badly, and both “wrong” in their approach) is talking through a hat.

What we can tell, what comes through loud and clear from your post, is that you need to talk to someone outside of your family who can help YOU deal with THEM and with the feelings that are being stirred up to make you feel bad. And we’ll do what we can to listen and maybe even offer some helpful / objective advice, but that doesn’t really fix your internal and emotional response to “How do I deal with this stuff?”

Most schools these days have counselors who are more or less under-used at this kind of work, and have at least been trained for it. Nothing beats talking to a professional who can simply listen and let you know that you’re heard and understood, and from time to time ask you open-ended questions for you to work out on your own that will help you deal with (and defuse) the stress.

Other than school counselors, religious leaders can help (even if you don’t go to church, and even if you aren’t of the same faith) can be helpful, but you should offer something in return, whether it’s volunteer work for the local outreach programs the church runs, or even an offer of babysitting services to members of the congregation. Otherwise there are also sports coaches, teachers you like and trust, and even some parents of friends (if you can trust them to keep private the things you tell them about your parents – which might be asking a lot of your judgment).

So that’s the first thing: Who do you know that you can talk to about your family life, and who will keep family issues private?

stardust's avatar

That’s a lot to have to deal with and it sounds really tough. I’d definitely recommend talking to someone – have you got a close friend or an adult you trust that you can talk to? Sometimes talking alone can really help relieve some pressure. Please don’t bottle it up – that’s not going to be good for you in the long run.

SamIAm's avatar

If it’s upsetting you (which it seems like it is), you should talk to someone for your own health. You can’t save your parents marriage but you can save your sanity. You owe it to yourself to seek professional help (whether it’s a social worker at school, or a therapist) just so that you don’t feel this burden!

john65pennington's avatar

Did you know that child abuse comes in many forms? This may be the extreme for you in this case, but I thought you should know what is available for you as a child. You are a victim and your parents are making you this way.

You do not have to sit back and listen to their fighting. You have the right to call the police. I would do so, in order to protect your sanity.

marinelife's avatar

It sounds like your Mom has issues and needs to get some help. She should not have quit counseling.

Try getting your Dad alone and tell him how them fighting is making you feel.

If that doesn’t work, try talking to a teacher or counselor at school that you trust.

I wish you well.

YARNLADY's avatar

You are not responsible for your parents. You need to find an adult who can help you deal with these issues.

xjustxxclaudiax's avatar

I went through something like that with my parents a couple years ago. Although neither of them threw anything or yelled at each other all the time, they did argue a lot…Your really lucky that they don’t come to you for help. @YARNLADY is right, your not responsible for them….My parents used to come to me all the time to vent about one another behind each others back. I was 13 when I started learning about financial problems and threat of separation..and stuff like that really does bring you down…and I haven’t quite gotten over all the things they said to me…..for something like this ignorance is really bliss, unless they’re physically hurting each other or taking things too far, you shouldn’t have to interfere…My parents both decided to go to couples counseling, and they were able to work through their problems….They haven’t fought like that for about 7 years now…so they’re doing pretty good…Maybe your parents should sign up for that….if anything…talk to them about couples counseling, see if they’re willing to try….and do the whole “do it for your children” deal if you really want them to at least try to improve….and remember, the less you know the better it is for you. I hope this helped.

Supacase's avatar

Do you feel comfortable talking to your dad alone about how you are feeling? Your mom sounds either completely overwhelmed or is having some mental or emotional issues. Please don’t think I mean your mom is crazy, sometimes people just need a little help getting on back on track. How long has this been going on?

tianalovesyou's avatar

@Supacase hmm for about the last four five years?
I think I will try talking to my dad about it.. (:

zensky's avatar

Is there a grandparent or aunt/uncle you can involve in this? You shouldn’t have to deal with your emotions all alone.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

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