Social Question

erichw1504's avatar

Can you create your own funny news headline?

Asked by erichw1504 (26331 points ) April 4th, 2011

Think you’re funny? Let’s see if you can make up your own funny news headline.

It can be a fake headline like The Onion does or it can be a real news story said in a funny way like Jon Stewart type comedy.

Give us your best and lurve those who do!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

32 Answers

erichw1504's avatar

Pringles, fed up with making potato chips, has started selling tennis balls instead.

mazingerz88's avatar

Blind Pringles fan bit tennis ball by accident.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

There’s one today for real: “Bishops agree sexual abuse rules”

(They forgot to put “on” or “to”)

flutherother's avatar

Brown ring discovered around Uranus

erichw1504's avatar

Computer virus has spread to humans.

Joker94's avatar

Experts Weigh In: Does dreaming about him mean you like him?

mazingerz88's avatar

Charlie Sheen Opens Chocolate Nut Factory

CaptainHarley's avatar

Obama Re-elected!

Aaahahahahahahaha!

Scooby's avatar

The nations grave diggers came out on strike this morning & this afternoon, in support the nations undertakers came out in deepest sympathy! :-/

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Scooby

Yeah, they really dug the time off! : D

ucme's avatar

Hurricane tears through cemetery, hundreds feared dead.
Man struck by lightning faces battery charge.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Man Uses Defective Camera, arrested for double exposure! [ Film at eleven! ] : D

Scooby's avatar

Many antiques at Senior Citizen sale :-/

Scooby's avatar

No cause of death determined for beheading victim :-/

Scooby's avatar

Three ambulances take blast victim to hospital…. :-/

ucme's avatar

Dyslexic bank robbery :
Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting, “air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!”

AmWiser's avatar

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

mazingerz88's avatar

News Gaddafi Defected Declared Inaccurate!

Bathroom aide misheard despot say “I defected” instead of “I defecated”

flutherother's avatar

Suicide bomber kills one.

6rant6's avatar

DWTS and PETA Team Up for Bear Country Jamboree Makeover.
GW Bush Learns He’s No Longer Prez
David Caruso to Star in “Darby O’Gill” Remake
Rap Label Admits All Lyrics in Portuguese Last Five Years

mazingerz88's avatar

FLUTHER OVERTAKES FACEBOOK AS MOST POPULAR WEBSITE!
Site’s Top Lurve Scorer Also Elected US President

dalepetrie's avatar

From late 2003 to early 2005, I did this ALL the time on a website called The Spoof. A link to my profile with many of my stories can be found here. My best headline ever (or at least most popular) came the day after Janet Jackson’s infamous Super Bowl “wardrobe malfunction”. I saw a still picture of the offending nipple, and knowing it was a rather popular topic in the news and on the internet, I seized what I thought would be a good opportunity. This site was subscribed to RSS, meaning that the stories were carried on Google News, as if they were genuine news stories (something I had myself discovered a few months earlier and reported to the community).

I began to utilize this bit of knowledge to dominate the “leader board” (each week, the site would rank the top writers based on number of page views). I would do so by attempting to create headlines that were both germane to my story content and which would be likely to generate hits. For example (and remember, this was 2004, at which time there was an actual “countdown clock” on the internet in expectation of this event), I wrote “Olsen Twins to Film Porn Movie on 18th Birthday.” It was my most popular story to date, generating several hundred hits a week, keeping me not only on the leader board but at the top for several weeks running. Several others caught on, and it became a contest of sorts to see who could draw in the most unsuspecting readers.

So, back to Janet Jackson….I had heard about this, but not having watched the Super Bowl myself, I did not see it, so I searched for a picture (I am a guy after all). I was more surprised by the sun shaped metal decoration she had circling her nipple, and the fact that not once in the million times I’d heard about it, had anyone mentioned this piece of “jewelry”. Knowing that this was a hot topic with a limited shelf life, I thought I should strike before anyone else did, and even though I knew my news story title would need to include “Janet Jackson” “Super Bowl” and “nip slip”, in this case, it was a matter of the cart leading the horse, the title had come before the story. Pondering what to write about, I thought the piece of jewelry was an interesting angle that would stand out a bit.

So, the story I wrote, which if you browse around my link for a while I’m sure you will find was “Janet Jackson Super Bowl Nip Slip Reveals She’s a Cyborg.” Far from the best story I’d ever written I was QUITE pleased with the title, and quite curious to see the reader count. Within 20 minutes, the story had nearly overtaken my Olsen Twins story, which had been on the site for some time and within an hour it had gotten more hits than pretty much every story I’d written combined. Well, after I stopped monitoring the story, went on and did a few things and came back to see how things had gone, I logged onto the site, only to find an apologetic page from the owner stating that he site had been taken down, because they had anticipated over the first few months of the site’s existence, a site that would get maybe 10,000 page views per month, and recent trends (which I realized I had started), were pushing the page views upwards of 40k a month, which was causing some irritation with the company who provided their bandwidth and storage. Whereas the peak month to that point had generated 45,000 page views, in the matter of 2 hours, one story had generated over 1 million page views, at which point they were booted from their host and had to scramble to get the site back up. After about 3 days, the site came back up under new ownership, 40,000 of my page views were restored, and I became notorious.

Eventually, I decided to come here and express my opinions in a less subtle format than satire, and the rest is history.

So, yeah, I can do that.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Tits bounce back in warmer weather

Symbeline's avatar

I love all those bullshit newspapers that have news like giant ants attacking Africa or how they found Goliath’s skull in Baghdad. I’m gonna do something a little like that.

The RCMP conducts human experiments, but hide them under the guise of a Satanic cult!

We have discovered that the Canadian mounties are all actually crazy scientists trying to make horse people. ’‘We’re sick of being constantly known only through Rocky and Bullwinkle! We’re going to make an advanced race of super mountie humans! All shall know our superiority!’’ has declared Harry Dick, after his failed experiments escaped out into the wild. These scientists operated from an old house and made it look like some kind of Satanic haven for devil worshipers. People would be scared and wouldn’t go near it. Wails and screaming heard at night was said to be the screeches of demons, but it was actually horses and people being sowed together. The foul plan was uncovered by some heroin addict looking for a place to shoot up. Sources now tell us that this didn’t actually happen in Canada.

The Excalibur Found in Pawn Shop!

The legendary sword Excalibur of Arthurian legend is real! It was found in some random pawn shop on main street somewhere, after some guy who looked like Elvis Presley traded it for a bunch of Playstation 1 games, including Diablo II and Super Dungeon Quest Forty Twelve, a game rumored to not actually exist. The man said he found the sword in Wyoming, which means that this is actually where Camelot existed. England is a fraud! The sword is still stuck in its stone, which at the hour, still resists drilling and jack hammering efforts attempted to release it. A king must walk forth and claim the right to rule America! Next issue; we’ll have found a king to bullshit about. Our sources tell us that the man who looked like Elvis Presley who brought the sword to the pawn shop actually was Elvis Presley.

Doomsday 2012; a Fatal Calculation Error!

The famous 2012 prediction has now been debunked. Researchers and scientists found out that they messed up their calculations, and that the date ’‘2012’’ was misinterpreted. It would appear that the Aztec calendar spells out a word and not a number, that word, which signals the end of all, is ’‘facebook’’. Our sources tell us that this word IS THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST, and the the Terminator will come to save us from facebook in the year 2012. Our sources tell us that these latest calculations were wrong. And also it will be the T1000 coming to kill us all.

…sorry.

reijinni's avatar

R. Kelly to join Catholic Church.

erichw1504's avatar

Donald Trump Reveals His Hairdo Is Actually Just One Really, Really Long Single Strand of Hair

mattbrowne's avatar

Fluther Ending Century-Old Social Network Drama

Olympus Mons, Mars, February 3, 2110 – Fluther Inc. (NASDAQ: FLTH) announced today that it has agreed to acquire Facebook – the global social drama website that allows users to add friends and send them irrelevant applications – for $3.75 billion in a stock-for-stock transaction. Following the acquisition, Facebook will operate independently to preserve its successful brand and unpassionate community.

The acquisition combines two of the largest and fastest lurving networking sites and makes Fluther the largest online community which also helps Facebook with Fluther’s expertise in lurve and organizing questions, creating new models for enlightenment on the Internet. The combined companies will focus on providing a better, more incomprehensive experience for intelligent users interested in creative nonanswers and it will offer new opportunities for professional lurvers to distribute their questions to reach a vast new audience.

AshlynM's avatar

Vacationing Honeymooners Find Surprise In Their Hotel’s Bed.

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