General Question

Jellie's avatar

Lying co-workers?

Asked by Jellie (6474 points ) April 7th, 2011

A co-worker of mine, lets say A, has been telling people lies about me. One of the people he told, B, is a friend of mine and has told me what A has been saying. The problem now is that B has asked me not to tell anyone that I know what A has said because it will damage his relations with him. How do I confront A?

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18 Answers

woodcutter's avatar

Lies about you personally or lies about you and work related things?

zenvelo's avatar

You don’t say what kind of place you work in, but I would talk to the supervisor or manager, or if a large company, the HR people. You don’t have to get B involved. You just need to tell them you’re heard that A is spreading falsehoods about you and you want it to stop.

Jellie's avatar

The problem is I have no other way of knowing unless B told me. So if I tell anyone, B’s friends and A will know he told m. And the other people on A’s side are already pestering B about being a snitch although they don’t know that he’s told me. Also I want to make sure I always have a friend like B who the other people trust and who can tell me things like this that I need to know.

And I work with a large company.

woodcutter's avatar

Some companies have gossip policies that make spreading personal things about coworkers a violation. Can you tell your immediate supervisor so this can be nipped in he bud? You need to be certain that this stuff being said isn’t going to roll eyes with your boss, and they may do this if all this looks petty to them.

woodcutter's avatar

Tell the HR some other guy told you, line “G” did it. Of course “G” will deny it but I don’t think it will get that far. Too many people have already heard what “A” is saying so that leaves you an out as you couldv’e heard it from any of them. You gotta get “A” , yourself, and your boss in the same room together.

Jellie's avatar

@woodcutter : “You gotta get “A” , yourself, and your boss in the same room together.”
This would be ideal.

woodcutter's avatar

The 3 of you could resolve this better this way but Mr “A” needs to realize that the walls have ears, in every company, so there is no need to drag others through the mud. Distractions like this lead to productivity losses and the management is not going to tolerate this among the ranks. It’s costing them money when trouble like this gets stirred up.

Hibernate's avatar

At some point people start talking bullcrap about other behind their backs.

No need to start fighting off or confront “A”.

Just make sure you mention to him/her that you know then make it obvious that you do not care. [ you need to start NOT CARRING… and this because if he/she said some things once then those things might happen again. At some point you’ll be disguisted from how much one can say ]

P.S. takes a lot of practice

BarnacleBill's avatar

If A has been telling other people, then any one of those other people could have told you, not just B. Did B stand up to A, or did he keep his mouth shut and not call A out about spreading lies? I would call A out on what he’s saying. He only has power if you give it to him.

blueiiznh's avatar

Leave it be.
How people act and what people say in this type situation is more a reflection of them.
My opinion would be to do nothing. If your friend told you, then explain the reality and honor the confidence it was said with. Doing anything more is sophmorish and juvenile.
Do not sink to their level. They may be just trying to get a rise and make you feel uncomfortable. Be professional and focus on your job. That will speak volumes of the differences between you and “A”, that “B” will see.

There is some truth in the statement:
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

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Bellatrix's avatar

I think @blueiiznh is (as he so often is!) on the money. Let it be. People who know you will know the person is talking crap and those who believe the lies, probably weren’t people who have your best interests at heart anyway. The only time you would need to worry about it is if it starts to impact on the way your bosses look at you and your work.

To be honest, if they feel the need to lie about you, it suggests to me they are threatened by you. You must be doing something right.

blueiiznh's avatar

@Mz_Lizzy you are so right in the comment about “they must feel threatened by you”, as well as the need to defend yourself if it does go to far.
Raise above it. Keep up the great work. Enjoy making them sweat!
It is actually rather entertaining to watch this type of person once you know thier approach and game.
Keep us up to date on how it goes.

Jellie's avatar

I can’t get over how amazing this site is.

What I did was, I let my boss know what was going on, i.e. that I had heard A spreading rumours abour me. I told her in the context that I wanted her to know that I wasn’t comfortable with working with A due to his behaviour and unprofessional attitude. As she is the best boss ever she completely understood. I didn’t push to take it to HR. And I am counting on my image and reputation over the past one and a half year to carry me through this. I am hoping peolpe know I am better than what he is making me out to be. Love and appreciation to everyone for their input.

blueiiznh's avatar

@sarahhhhh Awesome that you feel good about it now. Nice job!

Magdalene's avatar

Oh! ignore them

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