You know, @yankeetooter. I have to wonder how many relationships I didn’t have because of my shyness. But I’m not going to look back and beat myself up for it any more. That’s who I was then, and even though I’ve learned enough to be able to simulate an extrovert, that shy person I seemed to be born as still lurks.
But fuck it. I’ve done well in the relationship vein. I started slow, but eventually I got good at it. Not that I didn’t make mistakes, but I got to the point where I was able to talk to women I liked—enough that I got into relationships that I liked. At least for a while.
The problem, I believe, is in comparing oneself to others. If I never knew there were people my age dating and kissing, I don’t think I would have cared. I wouldn’t have known what I was missing. For God’s sake. It was just yesterday that I learned about make-out parties in high school. Dances where all the kids coupled up and made out next to the walls. Honest to God, I had no idea.
I never went to a school dance. I was too shy to ask a girl to go with me and too shy to go alone, and it seemed so ridiculous. I just wasn’t ready, but by looking around, it seemed like I was supposed to be ready.
I was in eighth grade when I saw two of my classmate making out while we were all waiting for the bus to go home. Making out in public!!! I was utterly shocked! I could not believe what I was seeing. How could people my age be so grown up? Thus began a rather lonely high school career.
Now? Like I said, I learned how to speak before people. I learned strategies for meeting women that did not involve asking anyone out on a date. I learned what women generally wanted. I couldn’t be a bad boy. I didn’t smoke or drink or have a motorcycle. I didn’t have a sex life, except if you count my hands. But what I could do was listen and treat women like real people, and that made a huge difference because most women, believe it or not, had never been treated that way by a man.
So what am I saying? What, indeed? I think I’m saying not to sweat it. You may not be able to catch this boy, but there will, some day, be other boys. You may not be ready now. It’s ok. You don’t have to do everything now. Life is longer than it seems for most of us. Be nice to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for being shy or for not being able to understand a boy’s behavior. You don’t have to know these things now. You will, eventually, learn them. Maybe you’ll be lonely now, but it won’t always be that way.
I feel bad telling you that because I thought a lot about suicide back then because I was so lonely and I don’t know if I would have believed me if old me could have told 17 yr old me. But I assure you the loneliness will not last forever. Hell! You’re on Fluther. You amongst friends already. If I had had Fluther when I was a youth, who knows? My life might have been much happier. It sure helped me survive my most recent encounter with suicide.
It’s true, though, what others say. I don’t know why it didn’t happen for me, but for the most part, people are trained to say yes when someone asks because they know how hard it is to ask for a date. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so discouraged by that first “no.” I wouldn’t be the only no I ever got. I think I asked for a date about four times in my life and was given a yes about once.
I was afraid that if I kept on asking and being turned down everyone would know I was a loser. I think a lot of people here would say that I shouldn’t have cared. Just ask. What’s the worse that could happen? You’re told no. Well a no was shattering to me. So I knew I shouldn’t ask. What is a “no” to you? Can you survive it? If so, then ask. If not, I understand. Wait. Your turn will come.
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