Do you feel as beautiful as others think you are? Can you help me figure out how to do that?
Sorry if this is long winded. The question kinda progressed and became longer halfway through…
Scenario, for everyone, but I think more so for the ladies: Say you have recently made a friend who happens to be the bartender at a bar you frequent. He confesses at one point while you’re hanging out and chatting that he has been working at the bar for twelve years and, although he sees plenty of young women on a daily basis, as soon as you walked in the first time, he thought you were the most beautiful one he’d ever seen. You want to believe him, because he is a genuine and good person that you truly trust. But do you really?
Can you really believe you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen? Sure, okay, so this scenario did happen to me last night, and while I wanted to be really flattered, I just….I guess I can’t see myself as all that beautiful. I really want to be able to, and I don’t know how. I also realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I truly believe that. But….is it just me?
I guess it’s deeper than that too, though. People, over the years and in one way or another, have many times told me how beautiful or “exotic” looking I am. One friend of a friend even used the word “striking”. A waitress once started gushing about what beautiful skin I have. My favorite, was 2 black women in a thrift store in Ohio, who wouldn’t stop telling me how lucky I was to have such beautiful hair, and how absolutely gorgeous the freckles on my face are. (PS: Please don’t think I’m trying to sound braggy here. I really want to resolve this issue. If anything, I really feel the opposite way about myself as I probably sound here)
It truly just comes as a shock to me when people say things like that….I don’t ever think for a second that I have nice skin. I definitely don’t feel that I’m striking. The women in the thrift shop…I couldn’t believe they were complimenting me for moles on my face. I have hated them my entire life and done everything in my power to make them less visible all the time (They aren’t big or huge or thick or anything gross, there’s just more than average). I suppose I just don’t feel like they’re ideal. I know I’ve been brainwashed by the media, and I’m completely aware of it, but I can’t fucking get myself to believe that I’m beautiful. I know that you always see flaws in yourself as way bigger than they really are, and most of the time nobody else even notices them. I know all this, but I just can’t apply it to my own life.
I don’t really have anybody I feel comfortable talking to about this sort of thing, unfortunately. So, Fluther…..Any advice? Help?