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MilkyWay's avatar

Was there ever a time in your life that you felt well and truly lost?

Asked by MilkyWay (13162 points ) February 22nd, 2012

You didn’t have anyone to turn to, no one to help you. You were either very confused or feeling very lost in which direction your life was heading in… You just didn’t know what to do, or how to do it. You didn’t know what was going to happen, and you felt scared…
If so, what did you do? And what were the consequences of your actions? (if any)

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24 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Been there, done that. I thought about the alternatives and a friend pulled me through. It was close.

TexasDude's avatar

Between the ages of 15 and 18.

I succeeded by figuratively curb-stomping the people who were using me as a doormat and I made a conscious effort to toughen up and change my life for the better. It worked.

tranquilsea's avatar

For me life was rough, rough ROUGH from the ages of 15 to 20. I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about it and that messed me up for a long time.

JilltheTooth's avatar

I posted this on another Q almost 2 years ago…
“In 1977 I planned my suicide down the last detail. Part of the plan was to leave a ‘paper trail’ so my family would know it wasn’t an impulsive decision. I picked a psychiatrist out of the phone book literally, I closed my eyes and pointed! and told her exactly why I was there. She told me that to be credible, we needed 3 months of weekly appointments. She was very calm and accommodating to my plan. 33 years later, I’ve never again considered it. I’m grateful to her and the fact that she was smarter than me!”
The consequences…there have been some rough times, but having come out the other side of that gave me the confidence to fight for the stuff that was important to me.
Hang in there.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I don’t think there was ever a time that I didn’t feel well and truly lost. I am just learning to live my way round it.

blueiiznh's avatar

Yep. The ability and understanding that you simply must soldier on.

“Every one who wishes to gain true knowledge must climb the Hill Difficulty alone, and since there is no royal road to the summit, I must zigzag it in my own way. I slip back many times, I fall, I stand still, I run against the edge of hidden obstacles, I lose my temper and find it again and keep it better, I trudge on, I gain a little, I feel encouraged, I get more eager and climb higher and begin to see the widening horizon. Every struggle is a victory. One more effort and I reach the luminous cloud, the blue depths of the sky, the uplands of my desire. I am not always alone, however, in these struggles.” ~ Helen Keller

“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose – not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.”~ Anne Sullivan

CaptainHarley's avatar

That happened to me at least twice in my life, and each time it was my belief in God and his love for me that pulled me through. I make no bones about this, nor do I apologize for it. It’s the truth.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Yes. I’m a 32 year old wife and mother, and sometimes I still feel lost.

Bellatrix's avatar

Yes. On more than one occasion. I didn’t do anything specific that I can remember. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other even if at times I really felt like I didn’t want to. I was operating on cruise control really. Just stuck a brave face on and carried on. In time, things got better and I felt better. Time is an amazing thing. My experience has been no matter how bad things feel, if I just keep going, things always get better.

If you, or a friend are feeling this way though, think about talking to a school counsellor or your doctor. I am sure there are better ways of dealing with such feelings. Believe me though. Tomorrow is a new day and often, if you can just believe it, it is often a happier, better day.

Moegitto's avatar

I’ve always felt lost in life, I’ve never known my place on this earth. I always remember that my place is MY place, it’s not for me to be a part of someone’s life. It’s for them to be part of mine. Once I realized that life isn’t truly fair and that not everybody will accept you I found my peace. I still have no one to turn to, but I don’t need outward affection to make me feel like a human.

xnightflowerx's avatar

Yes. From 17–21 I was utterly lost and directionless, various forms of depressed/just not making good choices for my life. I’m 22 now, and just started getting my footing again. I don’t know exactly where I want to go, but I feel like the path I’m walking these days is at least positive and productive and I’m happy with myself and life now. Anyways.. Story Time! lol

At 17 I was just out of high school, was supposed to go to art school in Baltimore. Was VERY excited to get away from the hellish living situation I was in and be close to my good friends out in Maryland. I’d also been hopelessly in love with one of those friends for four years and we were pretty stoked to maybe get the chance to finally make that shit real. I got a sweet taste of Baltimore and my buds and came home and found out there was just no way to get a loan for college. So that started the great downward spiral of my life. Not only were my college dreams crushed, I was fucking heartbroken because I just knew there was never going to be another shot with this guy. That ship was sailing and I wasn’t on it. ):

So I was depressed and fragile and breaking down like everyday for months. Got over the dude. Started sort of whoring about. I went from being a never been kissed virgin to crossing out all my firsts in about 2 months and getting to various bases with a few different guy friends. Wasn’t having tons of sex but it was a lot of I don’t care and just kinda taking advantage of a warm body when I found one. Kinda sickens me now. I frequently referred to myself as empty and heartless and sick and other self deprecating things. It wasn’t really self hatred, it was like utter apathy. I was coping by just shutting down emotionally.

After a year of that, at 18, I finally decided I needed to start being a better person and fixing myself and then rushed into a relationship that ended up being really really really bad for me and lasted about 3 years! Fun Fun. I didn’t ever rebuild my self respect and thus in that relationship I never demanded the respect I deserved and got pushed around alot and torn down by him and his friends more then I even care to admit to people. Lived with him & his friends for a year, worst year of my life. Broke up with him, the sense of lost hit me real hard. Met someone utterly different then him and ended up in this brief psuedo-relationship thing. That ended badly. Stupidly got back with the ex for 5 or 6 months. Still feeling lost and not right and directionless. Toughed up and had enough of being taken for granted and dumped him.

A few weeks later I started viciously sprinting away from all that crap and improving myself in any and every way I could. Every thing I had talked about doing for years or admired/felt jealous about other people’s lives I just forced myself to start doing. Adopted this thing called positive mental attitude that’s helped me immensely with getting my shit together. Started focusing on myself and being content with me and not trying to use other people to fill holes in myself, which is basically what I was trying to do those years. Made a lot new friends. Stopped taking people’s shit. Stopped worrying. Got a real nice even keel thing going these days. I don’t know just where I’m going yet. But I’m enjoying and appreciating the journey of self improvement and trying to become a positive force in the lives of the people I meet.

Oh the consequences… Soured some friendships by getting physical. Pushed away basically all my friends during the bad relationship thing, especially as I got more ashamed of staying in that shitty situation. Feel like I wasted what could have been some really great years. Compromised my ability to work effectively by living with people who didn’t acknowledge my job at all and didn’t give me space to work. So I lost a good bit of money from that. Feel like I hurt some people quite a bit by being very selfish with some of my actions. Plenty of others. Not proud of any of it but its all a good lesson of how I will never live my life like that again.

lemming's avatar

I too had to leave my friends, move away and start a new life..it took about three or four years to actually get a new life up and running and during that time I was well and truly lost with no one.

ucme's avatar

Being forced to sit through an episode of The Walton’s as a child, make it go away mama.

choreplay's avatar

Journal:
get it all on paper. I once was incredibly overwhelmed and journaled about what was
going on and I filled, I mean filled five pages of crap that was stressing the weighing
me down. I thought to myself, I’m okey than, no wonder I am overwhelmed.
.
Distance from those that don’t treat you with respect and love:
Your not obligated to allow people to treat you like crap, disrespect you or use you.
Of course I have pushed most of my biological family away applying this rule but that’s
what was happening. This can be distance in reality or emotionally, protect yourself!
.
One step in front of the other:
I won’t go into but I believe I represent the pulled himself up by his boot strings story. I
have a moment in my life I consider the base. in between semesters at college all my
worldly possessions were packed in my car and I had to live pilar to post till the next
semester began, Throughout my life I have tried to better myself and my situation on
step at a time and that requires me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’m a
long way from those two weeks.
.
My faith in God, I rarely can see his care in the current moments of my life but often as
I look backwards I see His care and involvement in how life has turned out beyond
human sense or control. This gives me hope in moving forward.
.
.
If there is one lesson in life I want my children to learn its life is six steps back, seven steps forward and that repeats itself in continuous cycles.

partyrock's avatar

Yes very very very much… 17–21 was some of the toughest, hellish years of my life… Probably the year of being 20 to 21 was the worst.

There are no words to really describe the pain I went through, and it’s very hard for me to articulate it.

Nothing is worse in the world than feeling lost, having no identity, and spiraling downward.

I never ever want to get back to that part in my life again, and I would never wish that on any human being, even my worst enemy…

What I did was go through hell. Made A LOT of mistakes, and I KNEW I was doing wrong, and making mistakes… I knew I was sick in the head and heart, and everything was black.

I suffered through the pain to get through the light. That is what happens when you’re in darkness. You suffer through it, and eventually, you will triumph, or not get over it.

partyrock's avatar

If you are going through something right now similar, or if anyone else on here is, my heart goes out to you. That’s one thing I have a weakness for is people feeling lost, down, hopeless, and directionless in life… I wish I had more encouraging words to say. Just thinking about what I went through, The losses I endured (emotionally,financially,physically,spiritually) makes me CRINGE just thinking about it… But one thing I will say is I am VERY proud of myself for getting through it…. I am one tough mama, and strong woman for it.

Even if you don’t have anyone to turn to, turn to yourself.

You can come out of the darkness days not knowing what direction you’re in, and walk into the light.

Sometimes going through pain will give you a deeper understanding that you will use as knowledge and wisdom. AND WHEN THINGS TURN AROUND YOU WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE.

partyrock's avatar

I was reading about an article on women/children/families/people in the Congo in Africa who had gone through the worst things possible that me and you could not even begin to fathom.

They reporter was talking about how even though these people lost EVERYTHING, in the WORST HUMANLY POSSIBLE ways, they were still singing, dancing.

Each situation is different for each individual, but (and this is sounding cliche, I know) where there is a will there is a way. There is always a new dawn and a new day.

partyrock's avatar

When you have no one else to turn to, turn to yourself. Sometimes you might need to cry, suffer, feel pain, hurt, and the wounds will sting…. but everyone has a limit. Do not prolong it more than you should. It is easier to cry in a ball than to face the world again during a darkness. I did it. Millions and Billions of people over the course of human history have done it too.

And if you are not one who is spiritual, believes in God, the Bible, Buddha, Allah, whatever——then you must put faith and believe in YOUR SELF.

Belief in yourself through hopeless dark days WILL and CAN get you through whatever you are going through.

I didn’t have anyone to turn to, and it hurt that I didn’t, but I had me… and I loved myself enough to move forward towards the light.

partyrock's avatar

Other things I did that helped ::

Music,

Writing, and writing to see the “bigger picture” which means, looking from the outside in, but looking from another person’s perspective, will give you a clearer view :)

picante's avatar

I believe that our down periods—those times when we’re feeling lost, alone, useless, abandoned, unloved, uncharted, invisible, unhealed and unhealable—are necessary to our growth. Only in hindsight can we appreciate our strength to rise above those wounds in our soul. I’ve had my personal share, some more soul-searing than others, some more life-changing than others, some more self-reflective than others.

So much wonderful advice above, and all exactly on point. You have to feel the pain; you have to find the connection to your life-spark again, and you have to rise up. Writing, music, meditation, prayer (if you’re of that mindset), friends, art, travel, exercise—just living and feeling again are so important.

I am not a religious person, though I believe I am a spiritual person. There is a wonderful gospel song “Stand,” and the lyrics speak to the discussion here:

Tell me, how do you handle the guilt of your past?
Tell me, how do you deal with the shame?
And how can you smile while your heart has been broken and filled with pain?
Tell me, what do give when you’ve given all
Seems like you can’t make it through?
You just STAND
When there’s nothing left to do
You just STAND
Watch the LORD see you through
Yes, after you’ve done all you can
You just STAND

Keep_on_running's avatar

Right now, more than ever actually.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard

“Between the ages of 15 and 18. I succeeded by figuratively curb-stomping the people who were using me as a doormat and I made a conscious effort to toughen up and change my life for the better. It worked.

My sister made the same sort of decision at that age. I’ve always admired people with the ability to make a conscious decision to change like that. It sounds so easy, yet is so difficult at the same time.

TexasDude's avatar

@Keep_on_running yeah, it was hard as hell at the time, but it seems so simple and easy from where I stand now, and I have a hard time explaining how to do it to friends that are currently going through what I once dealt with. “Just take command over your own emotions and actions. You own your brain, so make it work for you.” just isn’t the kind of advice people want to hear.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Yes, about 7 years ago I had just come out of a relationship (which ended badly) and was out of work. It’s the worse I have ever felt and, although I managed to find another job fairly quickly, the depression continued. I never want to go through that kind of thing again. I seriously considered suicide, even going so far as planning how I would end it all and using that as my “back up” plan.

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