Nearly six years ago a classmate said one thoughtful sentence to me, is it ok to friend them on facebook?

Welcome to Fluther!

You always have the option of friending anybody. You might want to add a pm and tell her how much she meant to you with the one sentence. It may be interesting to find out what your old classmate is up to.

I also welcome you to Fluther.

When facing this sort of quandary, I ask myself ‘what is the worst that can happen if I do this?’ It seems to me the worst is she ignores your request or says no. Then you will have a clear answer that she doesn’t want to pursue the friendship. Of course, she might go ‘Hey! That is xxx and I always wondered what happened to him/her’.

Frame your request lightly. “Hi there, I remember you from xxx, I would love to find out how life has been treating you since then”. Leave the ball in her court then.

Good luck!

Thanks for the welcome guys…

I feel like a real creeper for even knowing her name still. :(

Nooo. I still remember the name of boys I had a crush on at school and that is a long, long time ago… Lewis Day was quite gorgeous. Wonder what ever happened to him? As long as you don’t start stalking her OR bring up your crush unless there is a natural opening for that discussion… I am sure you will be fine.

Why not? Where’s the harm? And you will feel better.

Worst that happens is that she says “no thanks”.

Why not join schoolfeed and add her as a classmate?

It’s a less creeperish way to be able to contact someone via FB.

Another hearty welcome to Fluther!

My recommendation would be to send her a private message versus a friend request. It sounds like what you wish to accomplish is communicating to her that, long ago, she imparted words of wisdom and kindness to you that have lasted through time. Just let her know that you ran across her name and wanted to share that with her. If she responds, you can always send a friend request.

@SpatzieLover has a good idea, also if your class/school has a group on Facebook you could join it and make contact that way.

@SpatzieLover If I am to contact her, then I am to do it honestly, with the fullness of the matter. Would it be fair to do otherwise?

The fact of it is that she gave one blip of encouragement. I already thought she was cute, and in my awkwardness I just did nothing. Because what was I to do, have a conversation with a cute girl I don’t feel good enough for on why her encouragement was necessary? Trust me, I wasn’t ready to cope with that amount of vulnerability. Ironic that vulnerability is exactly what I was exposing.

But I thought it would be nice to simply thank her for the encouragement, and tell her I am leaving that dark epoch, and that it meant something, even though I didn’t feel like what she said fit, it let me see myself how other people saw me, not just how I saw myself. It showed me that my self-image was sending a very different impression to the rest of the world. It’s taken years, but it was an important domino she plucked.

It is strange to be grateful from afar. It is also strange to have to have that grattitude to someone you were attracted to. Then again maybe the weight of it is altered by my emotions, and the comment was an insignificant nudge in the right direction only meant for that very second.

It’s confounding.

I’m with those who suggested you write a brief not overly exuberant pm to her. I am always amazed and grateful when I hear that something I said meant something to someone, no matter how long ago it was. She may not even respond. It’s still worth it. To you to be able to say thanks. And perhaps to her. Let her make the next move.

Then message her @SoiledSoles. You don’t have to friend to message. That way you can say what you’d like. If she then wants to be FB friends, the ball is in her court.

@SoiledSoles But I thought it would be nice to simply thank her for the encouragement. This is all that needs to be said in the first message. If it results in a continued exchange of messages, save the latter part for another time.

No available message button…I think I should just write the whole thing off, and tuck it away as a charming memory. That sounds safe.

Yes. Auggie contacted me via facebook. She reminded me of something I said when a guy was being an ass to her in school. It seems that made an impression on her. I’m very glad she friended me.

If you are looking to increase your acquaintance, then message her so through Facebook.

You probably did the right thing on passing on reaching out for now. If her profile is that restricted, she obviously wants to limit contact with those not in her immediate circle, be it close friends and family or for work-related purposes. Another chance may always crop up if you run into her again.

i friend requested her. so, we’ll see. if life tramples me for it so be it.

@SoiledSoles: Please let us know how it turns out.

sure, if something she said makes a mark on you six years later, make a friend.

Sure! Go for it, why not?!

No response yet.

Nothing. Oh well.

Without wanting to seem harsh, she may not even remember you and she certainly may not remember the event you discuss and that had so much meaning for you.

I was contacted by a guy I went to school with a year or two ago. He said ‘do you remember you, xxx and I used to walk home together”. I don’t even remember him! Now granted, there are more years under the bridge than in your case, but we all remember events differently. Try not to be too disheartened. You tried and that’s all you can do.

I think you’re right. She likely has no idea who I am. I’m fine with that. It helped to just mention it here. I filed it under history.

i was there before, but it was worse than your case. i threw the bottle of water that she bought to me to thank me for helping her boyfriend. but the thing was i had a crush on the same guy and this guy told me that they were not in a relationship, so i liked him. but now i was totally regretful and i friend her on facebook, though we hardly talked.