Social Question

bookish1's avatar

[Probably NSFW] Have you ever done this with a friend and had it not be weird afterward?

Asked by bookish1 (13062 points ) August 26th, 2012

I’m talking about fooling around with a friend, no matter how you define that or how far you went. Were you able to just continue being friends the way you were before? What do you attribute that to?

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11 Answers

DigitalBlue's avatar

Yes, and clear boundaries in the first place. Good communication, just like any relationship we have with other people, tends to be what makes it work. At least, that’s how it seems to me.

augustlan's avatar

Yes. Boundaries, as @DigitalBlue says. It doesn’t always work, but at least you’ve got a better shot at it if you’re perfectly clear up front.

zenvelo's avatar

We were both drunk, went almost all the way to intercourse. But we were good very close friends, and woke up together the next morning acknowledging we’d avoided not ruining the friendship.

ETpro's avatar

Back when I was footloose and fancy free, it never bothered me. But I’m a particularly liberated sort of person when it comes to sexuality. I’d not try it unless I was certain my friend was equally blessed with savoir-faire. And I won’t be trying it at all now that I’m off the market. Sex is one area where my wife thinks sharing is not a virtue.

deni's avatar

One of my coworkers who is a really awesome dude but who I realize I’d never have a relationship with, I slept with on and off for about 4 months. There was never a moment of weirdness and we are really good friends at work, outside of work, in general. We both just had the same mindset going in I guess even though we never talked about it. We actually went through a few more complications that generally would have made things potentially awkward for a friendship but we just approached it as adults, dealt with it, and everything is still great. We definitely have a unique relationship, but it works for us simply because of who we are. I do not think it would work for everyone, or maybe most people. But it’s over at this point because I am in a new (almost) relationship, but it was really fun while it lasted. And still no one knows.

But here’s a funny side story too embarrassing to share fully with most of my friends. The last time we got together, I had been in this habit of affectionately biting people (I know it sounds weird but….I don’t think it really is that weird) so we were both drunk and getting it on really aggressively in an alley and I turned around and bit him, and this is what he did in return. The sad part is I didn’t remember that happening so I was shocked and confused by it the next day. Also, I had to go to work, where we wear short sleeves, and it looks exactly like a bite mark. As I’m really close with a lot of my coworkers, not much goes unnoticed and even though I tried to be vague as to the origins of the bite mark, eventually they got it out of me. Not the details, but I know there was speculation. Luckily he was out of town at the time and by the time he returned it had fizzled out. I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. The end.

linguaphile's avatar

I would say that I have had about 4 “got it on with a friend” incidents that went to varying levels of intimacy and where we didn’t get weirded out afterward. 2 of them were while we were drunk and the next morning, we just moved on, acted like nothing happened and stayed friends. The other 2 lasted much longer—were more of FWB situation—and we continued to stay friends afterwards, even after we both ended up in other relationships.

I could do that when I was younger. I was really open and candid about my relationships, enjoyed my flings here and there, but now, I don’t see that in myself anymore. I miss my not-a-worry, happy go lucky attitude about life, but prefer more intimacy and depth in my relationships now.

Coloma's avatar

Once, it was very strange, always awkward after that. Didn’t ruin the friendship but put a pall over it, yeah.

Leanne1986's avatar

Yes, a close female friend and I had a sex on a few occasions but it didn’t negatively affect our relationship at all. It has been years since we have been intimate and, whilst I have always considered myself to be bisexual, I believe she considers herself to be mostly straight nowadays (she is now married to a man and I am now in a long term relationship, also with a man). However, we are still great friends and meet up whenever possible. There is no awkwardness whatsoever. There are no romantic feelings for either of us (as far as I am aware) but we would both be gutted if the other was not a part of our lives for any reason.

downtide's avatar

Yes, I had sex a few times with a female friend (we were both with male partners at the time). The sex eventually stopped because she broke up with her liberal, open-minded partner and hooked up with someone who wanted a monogamous relationship. They’re now happily married with two kids and we’re still friends.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Yes, if it’s purely sex and there are truly no strong feelings except friendship involved it can be very fun and convenient.

blueiiznh's avatar

I don’t kiss and tell is also an internal mechansim for simply acting adult about it.
You simply need to respect the person and yourself aside from the actions.
If you can’t continue to respect then it was either heinous or so damned good that you can’t talk your mind off it.

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