Why would he have left right at the opportunity to have sex? (NSFW)
Okay, well, I’m 18, and I’m a senior in high school. During my sophomore year, I came out to everyone, and everyone in my school (it’s very small) knew I was a lesbian. I’ve always been so anti-guys; not to step on any toes, but for me, personally, the male anatomy and the thought of being with a guy has always completely turned me off. Well, anyways, I recently made friends with this guy, Lewis, who’s also a senior, after he saved me from a ton of embarrassment. Last Friday, after my basketball practice, I went into the girls’ locker room to take a shower, because I had to be somewhere after practice. I was the only one taking a shower in there and when I came out, my clothes and my towel were gone. I stood in the locker room for a while, freaking out, trying to think of something to do, and Lewis (he’s the equipment manager for the boy’s basketball team) came into the girls’ locker room to get something out of the gym teacher’s office (her office is in the locker room, you have to go through to get to her office,) thinking that everyone was gone. I saw him and screamed, so of course he looked over at me, realized what he was looking at, and looked away quickly. Now at this point, we really only knew each other by name, but anyways, he apologized and went to leave, and I said “Lewis… Could you help me? Please?” He said he’d help me, and I told him what happened.
He went to find me something to wear, and he came back and said “Well I haven’t got anything else for you, but you can wear my gym clothes… They’re clean.” I put them on and they were a bit too big for me and everything, but I thanked him a ton. Since I missed the late bus, Lewis offered to drive me home. On the way out, some girl that always thinks she’s better than everyone looked at me and said “Nice get up, Jess.” Lewis glared at her and said “Why don’t you just shut up, leave her alone.” Since then, him and I have actually become really good friends. He’s really cool and nice and smart and funny, and we hung out after school every day last week. Well, here’s the complicated part… I have feelings for him that I’ve only ever felt towards girls, before. I mean I really like him. Even the thought of… uh… intimacy… with him doesn’t bother me at all… actually it’s sort of err… gotten me off in the last few nights… And to be honest, the thought of intimacy with guys always completely disgusted me. If I think of any other guy like that, it still does, but it’s different with Lewis…
Anyways, Sunday night, him and I went out to dinner with a couple of friends, and we went to a movie afterwards. One of our friends drove, and they dropped Lewis and I off at my house, since he had come to my house beforehand so his car was at my place. We all went inside (it was around 11:30) and my parents were asleep upstairs. We all sat around and talked until around 12:30, and then our friends left. Lewis hung around a while later, and we sat around on the couch talking for another half hour or so, and I put my head on his shoulder and I was like “I’m tired.” He said “I can leave if you want to go to bed. I should go soon, anyways. I’ve got to get up early.” I grabbed his arm and I said “No, no, it’s fine. Can you just stay forever? Just move in.” He kind of laughed, and I looked up at him. I don’t know why I chose then, but I just blurted out, “Lewis, I thought I was a lesbian, but I don’t think I am anymore.” He stared at me for a minute, trying to process things, and then he leaned in and kissed me. I was sort of surprised, and I pulled away, and he apologized, but I pulled him back, and kissed him again.
It was amazing; I mean, I’m definitely still attracted to girls, no doubt, but what I felt when I kissed him was stronger than anything with any 3 of my ex girlfriends. We ended up making out for a good hour or so, and I was really turned on, and I started sort of tugging at his jeans. He stopped, and he was like “I can’t, you’re not positive. It’s not right.” I tried to tell him that I was sure of it, but he kept saying that, and he gave me a kiss and left. What happened? I mean I always thought guys were quicker to jump into bed with someone than girls… He seemed into it until that happened… What do I do? I didn’t talk to him yesterday but I was thinking of calling him later today when he gets home from school (I’m home sick). What should I say? What’s going on?