Social Question

jessinabox's avatar

Why would he have left right at the opportunity to have sex? (NSFW)

Asked by jessinabox (42 points ) January 17th, 2012

Okay, well, I’m 18, and I’m a senior in high school. During my sophomore year, I came out to everyone, and everyone in my school (it’s very small) knew I was a lesbian. I’ve always been so anti-guys; not to step on any toes, but for me, personally, the male anatomy and the thought of being with a guy has always completely turned me off. Well, anyways, I recently made friends with this guy, Lewis, who’s also a senior, after he saved me from a ton of embarrassment. Last Friday, after my basketball practice, I went into the girls’ locker room to take a shower, because I had to be somewhere after practice. I was the only one taking a shower in there and when I came out, my clothes and my towel were gone. I stood in the locker room for a while, freaking out, trying to think of something to do, and Lewis (he’s the equipment manager for the boy’s basketball team) came into the girls’ locker room to get something out of the gym teacher’s office (her office is in the locker room, you have to go through to get to her office,) thinking that everyone was gone. I saw him and screamed, so of course he looked over at me, realized what he was looking at, and looked away quickly. Now at this point, we really only knew each other by name, but anyways, he apologized and went to leave, and I said “Lewis… Could you help me? Please?” He said he’d help me, and I told him what happened.

He went to find me something to wear, and he came back and said “Well I haven’t got anything else for you, but you can wear my gym clothes… They’re clean.” I put them on and they were a bit too big for me and everything, but I thanked him a ton. Since I missed the late bus, Lewis offered to drive me home. On the way out, some girl that always thinks she’s better than everyone looked at me and said “Nice get up, Jess.” Lewis glared at her and said “Why don’t you just shut up, leave her alone.” Since then, him and I have actually become really good friends. He’s really cool and nice and smart and funny, and we hung out after school every day last week. Well, here’s the complicated part… I have feelings for him that I’ve only ever felt towards girls, before. I mean I really like him. Even the thought of… uh… intimacy… with him doesn’t bother me at all… actually it’s sort of err… gotten me off in the last few nights… And to be honest, the thought of intimacy with guys always completely disgusted me. If I think of any other guy like that, it still does, but it’s different with Lewis…

Anyways, Sunday night, him and I went out to dinner with a couple of friends, and we went to a movie afterwards. One of our friends drove, and they dropped Lewis and I off at my house, since he had come to my house beforehand so his car was at my place. We all went inside (it was around 11:30) and my parents were asleep upstairs. We all sat around and talked until around 12:30, and then our friends left. Lewis hung around a while later, and we sat around on the couch talking for another half hour or so, and I put my head on his shoulder and I was like “I’m tired.” He said “I can leave if you want to go to bed. I should go soon, anyways. I’ve got to get up early.” I grabbed his arm and I said “No, no, it’s fine. Can you just stay forever? Just move in.” He kind of laughed, and I looked up at him. I don’t know why I chose then, but I just blurted out, “Lewis, I thought I was a lesbian, but I don’t think I am anymore.” He stared at me for a minute, trying to process things, and then he leaned in and kissed me. I was sort of surprised, and I pulled away, and he apologized, but I pulled him back, and kissed him again.

It was amazing; I mean, I’m definitely still attracted to girls, no doubt, but what I felt when I kissed him was stronger than anything with any 3 of my ex girlfriends. We ended up making out for a good hour or so, and I was really turned on, and I started sort of tugging at his jeans. He stopped, and he was like “I can’t, you’re not positive. It’s not right.” I tried to tell him that I was sure of it, but he kept saying that, and he gave me a kiss and left. What happened? I mean I always thought guys were quicker to jump into bed with someone than girls… He seemed into it until that happened… What do I do? I didn’t talk to him yesterday but I was thinking of calling him later today when he gets home from school (I’m home sick). What should I say? What’s going on?

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26 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

Lewis is a good guy, that’s why. He doesn’t want to have your first time be because in one evening you decided you were horny, and also maybe he does not want to be used as a curiosity fuck for a Lesbian. Maybe he likes to have sex in a relatiomship, not just casually. Seems like if you are interested in him maybe some more regular old dating is in order for him to feel comfortable with going all the way.

marinelife's avatar

He is a kind and thoughtful man. He didn’t want you to do something in the heat of the moment that you would regret.

Give him a call and tell him that you still have feelings for him.

tedd's avatar

The advice given is good… and not to be a dick, but this sounds fake… lol

FutureMemory's avatar

Please oh please tell us more stories. Hawt.

john65pennington's avatar

I read this whole incident and after arriving at the conclusion. it has some trademarks of a fantasy story.

Believe it or believe it not? Hmmmmmmmmmmm…...............

King_Pariah's avatar

True it could be fantasy, but in the case this is real (just because it’s improbable does not mean it’s impossible) I’d say look at what @JLeslie and @marinelife said. And I have to give him props for having that much self control. And hell, He may want to take it slow, not want to rush things and possibly ruin things. Love is a conservative bitch when handing out the romantic nigh fairytale love story, but every now and then, at random, she does hand it out. And if this is real, go get him.

janbb's avatar

First of all, not every guy will have sex every time they get the opportunity. He was protecting himself and you probably since he is unsure of your sexuality. Sounds like he wants to take it slow and that would be a good thing for both of you. You would serve yourself well if you told him you like him and are attracted to him but would like to take it slowly and see where it leads.

Blackberry's avatar

I can’t believe I just read all of that…..

You could have simplified this by asking: “Why don’t some guys take the opportunity for sex when they get it?” Or something like that.

All guys don’t do this, the end.

syz's avatar

You write quite well for an eighteen year old.

Perhaps he thinks you’re just experimenting with him.
Perhaps he values you more as a friend.
Perhaps he’s in to someone else.
He sounds pretty emotionally mature, so perhaps he’s concerned that he’s getting dragged into unnecessary drama and would prefer to avoid it.

wundayatta's avatar

I’ve turned down sex on occasion. Usually I look back later and wonder why. But overall, I’m glad I didn’t just jump at every opportunity because I always wanted to be sure the girl I liked was sure.

You had probably never given him that vibe before and he was a bit nonplussed, to say the least. He probably wasn’t expecting it and may not have been prepared for it. I think there are more men than you would think who take these things quite seriously and have what are euphemistically called “morals” and don’t want to just have sex without being prepared.

Now you have a problem. In doing this so unexpectedly, you placed him in a bad situation, and he is probably feeling bad about turning your down. I’m sure he thinks he’s hurt your feelings, and he may be confused about what this all means. He may have put you in the friend category, and this may really have shaken him. Once this particular cat is out of the bag, I think someone posted here once, it is nearly impossible to get back in.

So you may lose a friend. I hope not, but this put stress on a relationship. I think you need to meet with him and explain everything about what you were thinking and what it means, and try to put him at his ease if he isn’t interested in you that way. Will you be able to live down the rejection? If you can’t, the relationship is over.

Pandora's avatar

If the story is real, I would guess that he has feelings for you and doesn’t want to be put in a situation where you decide, you really don’t like guys after all after he puts down his guard.
There could also be another reason. The first guy I was in love with had the chance to be with me and shot me down. I think it was because he knew he couldn’t return my feelings.

Keep_on_running's avatar

Are you sure this isn’t a chapter from some sort of romance novel?

Maybe you should become a writer.

…yeah… that’s all the advice I got right now.

deni's avatar

Why does everyone think this is fake? I don’t get it.

King_Pariah's avatar

@deni because over all it sounds to good to be true thus improbable, but if it’s true… well, I wish her and him the best of luck

GladysMensch's avatar

Maybe he’s gay, and your eagerness to switch teams freaked him out.

Keep_on_running's avatar

@deni It just sounds fishy, and is it likely that someone of 15 lurve knows the NSFW tag? I didn’t know what it meant for ages…lol.

jessinabox's avatar

@Keep_on_running Uhmm Fluther told me to put NSFW in the title…

Keep_on_running's avatar

ROFL oh, okay.

But I still don’t see you denying the accusations that it’s fake!

Just tape my mouth if you want to.

downtide's avatar

(Leaving aside for the moment the question of whether this is a true story or not).

I can think of a few possibilities, off the top of my head:

- He thinks you’re too young or not ready and, being a nice guy, doesn’t want to force you into something he’s not sure of.
– He is religious and thinks sex should be saved for marriage
– He is in a relationship with someone else and doesn’t want to be unfaithful
– He’s gay (or mostly gay) and not comfortable with a girl
– His mum told him not to have sex with a girl he’s only just met and he always does exactly what his mum says
– He has an STD and doesn’t want to pass it on to you
– Some guys just don’t want or need to have sex at every opportunity.

And of course his name is Lewis, and all Lewises are nice guys (I’m only saying that cos it’s my name too).

judochop's avatar

Premature ejaculation.
Herpes.
Erectile dysfunction.
Dude likes dudes.
Religion.
And what @downtide said, some guys do not care if they have sex every time someone is willing.
Or maybe after the kiss he was just not in to it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Look, he’s a person, not a cartoon character..the sooner you realize this about men, the better. He sounds like a good guy.

saint's avatar

Maybe he didn’t like what he saw in the shower.

auntydeb's avatar

@jessinabox I hope you are simply brave enough to find out for yourself. Coming out as a Lesbian must have been very hard and will have given you strengths you may not even know about. Your choices of sexual partner are not the defining factor here, only whether your friend has in fact ‘rejected’ you, or just put off something until one or both of you are more certain.

I wonder why some of the jellies above think this is a fiction? The only thing you don’t say, is whether you’ve had an explanation for your missing kit. Whether real or not, the chap himself has at least some self control, which is both possible and plausible. Not all men are quick off the mark, not every man will take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable position.

This all does rather depend on you. Do you count yourself a ‘virgin’, as you have not had sex with a man? That in itself might have scared him off. Best thing I think, is to follow this up, have a coffee or something together and see if there is any mutual attraction.

And if it’s a fiction I hope for a happy ending.

Zaku's avatar

If this is a true story, then:
1) He’s a good guy who respects you and/or himself enough to have some restraint and discretion about when to engage in sexual intercourse or not, and/or realizes it’s not just a simple question of whether it would be enjoyable or not. Possible considerations include: Pregnancy. Blood chemistry mixing. Relationship changing. Social effects. Feelings. Legality. Parents upstairs. Availability of protection. Actually needing to get home. Confused about sudden change of relationship, wanting to think about it. Etc.
2) Even heterosexual women are often grossed out about sex unless/until turned on. You’re bisexual, not lesbian.

MilkyWay's avatar

@syz Hey! I can write like that, or better, and I’m not even 18 yet…

jessinabox's avatar

@MilkyWay Thank you! People find it so difficult to believe that young people can write well. >.< It’s frustrating…

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