Should I stay at college (long question)
So, I’ll just explain everything, right from the beginning. Note: I’m not a career-minded person. I want a job, and I want a salary, but I don’t want to live for work. I have no big career goals, nor do I intend on going to University. I adored school, I’d give anything to go back, but I just don’t feel the same way about college. The work stresses me out, the exams panic me, and I do long hours (I get up at 6 each morning, get home at 7 each night, and then spend 1–2 hours on homework each night).
Despite this, I did enjoy the first year. I was with my best friend who made lessons fun and enjoyable. But, the week before we broke up for the summer, my grandfather died, completely out of the blue. This was 9 weeks ago, and it’s still extremely raw for me. As if that wasn’t bad enough, 7 weeks ago my already terminally ill nana had a bowel removed and now, according to her diagnosis back in March, literally has just weeks left (back in March she was told she had 6 months to live). She looks very, very weak.
I can no longer focus on anything except my nana and grandfather and therefore think college would be a waste, and would also pointlessly add to my stress. My best friend is now joining the navy, so I will be all alone in lessons. I’m quite shy and admittedly a bit socially awkward, so I know I would really struggle to make friends.
My grandfather dying out of the blue has really opened my eyes to how ill my nana is and I just want to be with her all of the time. The thought of college makes me panic. But at the same time, I worry about not going – I worry if I’ll regret it. The thought of not going eases me more than the thought of going does, but I do worry if I’ll make the wrong decision.
I just want a fresh start – I want to look for work and, although it may sound like a hopeless dream, I’d love to write. More than this, I want to be able to spend as much time as I can with my remaining grandparents. I feel like with two of the most precious people in my life dying, and I also recently found out that my mum had an affair, I have no control over my life. I want to regain control and just start afresh – find a job and not have to worry about college anymore. But will I regret dropping out?