General Question

deni's avatar

Menstrual cramps for two weeks but no period?

Asked by deni (22360 points ) November 7th, 2012

Yikes :( Well, here it is. My period has never, ever been anything even close to regular. No real rhyme or reason I don’t think, I’m not a stressed out person in general or an extreme athlete and I’m very healthy aside from the fact that I do drink more than I should probably. Anyhow, I usually get my period on AVERAGE every ~30 days. So this current one would have been due anywhere from about October 25–30. I think. I can’t even remember when last months was, but I know in August it started about the 25th, probably similar for September.

Well, around probably the 25th of October I started getting cramps, the usual, sore boobs came a few days later, I was moody, blah blah. I expected it any day. It never came. But the cramps have continued on and off. Literally I have about three a day, sometimes none. Sometimes more. Sometimes I’m positive that my period just started, and I go to the bathroom and nothing.

So, it’s, realistically, at this point about a week late, having had cramps for two weeks now almost. I am sexually active and I did stop using birth control, but we use condoms. We are not 100% diligent though and there have been a few times we’ve done it for a minute without one on. SO?!??!?!?! Yes I’m going to take a pregnancy test in the next day or two, but I don’t want to do it until my boyfriend can be there and we have different work schedules so it’s tough.

Any insight onto this? If I have always had irregular periods should I even be as concerned as I am? For the time being though I’d love to hear your opinion on what could be happening, maybe for some peace of mind, or the opposite.

I have been particularly stressed with work the past ehhhh couple weeks to a month. Also, just a few months ago, I almost didn’t have a period, I spotted for like 2 days and that was it. Then it came normally the next month. Soo :( I guess it’s just the lingering cramps that are throwing me off…...

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91 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni A guy can get you pregnant before he comes. There might be some fluid he produces before his orgasm that has sperm in it.

deni's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I know I know, which would have been how it happened. I guess I have too much faith in my body. I’m just like “Come on, you KNOW I can’t make a baby! Don’t even try!”

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Never been pregnant myself so I don’t know what’s causing these symptoms. It could be going off the birth control. Good luck lady

marinelife's avatar

You need to see your gynecologist right away. There are a number of things it could be including endometriosis.

deni's avatar

@marinelife What other things? I read about endometriosis, would be surprised if that was it as very little of the symptoms and signs have ever applied to me….

Unbroken's avatar

Second the doctor notion. I had irregular periods when they started missing all together for no real reason they were among the many precursors that I never gave a second thought about that things were going haywire.

skfinkel's avatar

Sounds like early pregnancy to me.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Sounds to me like you either have PCOS or Endo that needs to be checked out by a gynecologist anyway, not to mention this current situation.

A missed period due to stress is something you should be discussing with a doctor.

You might want to discuss some other birth control methods, like IUDs while you’re there, too.

Unbroken's avatar

GA @SpatzieLover but on the IUD notion for women without prior pregnancies I wouldn’t recommend it.
My doctor never mentioned this to me until a year later and I was still in pain and spotting and had it removed but apparently it is fairly common for women to have it improperly placed or such because the fallopian tube is smaller. I could feel it every time I sat down. The nuva ring is now my current option, it can fall out due to vigorousness but isn’t painful and the horomones protect you even if it falls out mid entanglement. a quick check and your good to go.

JLeslie's avatar

Sounds like it could be pregnancy. But, a good chance a pregnancy that is failing if you are pregnant.

However, a minute without a condom, meaning he did not cum in you, is extremely unlikely to get you pregnant. Not that you should take the risk, but those type of warnings are so people don’t screw up and actually get to the point of actually climaxing. For instance for me I am extremely regular and it is basically impossible for me to get pregnant during my period, but they tell girls to always be protected because most women cannot be trusted to really know their cycle and their most fertile time, so always protecting means a women doesn’t have to guess about her cycle, or take a risk. There is very very few sperm in pre-ejaculate that can come out of the man’s penis before actually having an orgasm. It is not considered enough to typically lead to pregnancy, but it is not competely impossible.

Another likely possibility is your hormones are screwed up, which we basically already know if you are irregular, and you are releasing hormones that cause cramping. You said your breasts hurt, and made it sound like that is typical before you get your period, so if that is normal for you, you might be having a lot of premenstrual symptoms prolonged because of hormone fluctuation. I never had pre-menstrual symptoms, and never had my boobs hurt before or during my period, they only bothered me when I was pregnant, and this other time when I tried a topical vaginal estrogen cream. So, I knew my breast discomfort was pregnancy most likely, but women who commonly have breast discomfort during their cycle have a harder time telling at first of they are pregnant.

You could have endometriosis, but it does not sound like those particular symptoms are from endometriosis.

If you are irregular you should be tested for PCOS. Most GYN’s do not do all the tests, many are unaware of the tests, and they tend to just throw the pill at the patients. It has been found that an underlying sugar problem can be the cause, or contribute to, the condition, so a diabetic type diet might help you. A reproductive endocrinologist is the type of doctor to diagnose you. They usually see fertility patients, but being fertile means basically healthy sex organs and that everything is functioning normally. You don’t have to want a baby to want your GYN parts and hormones to be healthy.

Do you have any other symptoms? Do you ever have discharge from your nipples?

JLeslie's avatar

Sorry to post again, but rethinking a little, since you do cycle monthly, fairly regularly, it is very possibly is not PCOS. Usually women skip periods with that condition. Not sure. Definitely you should see a specialist. A GYN first, but really an endocrinologist is better if you are not pregnan tand your cycle is becoming very irregular. It sounds hormonal. A day 3 of your cycle test would probably be very informative. It’s a blood test on day 3, sometimes coupled with an ultrasound, but not necessarily. A 30 day cycle is not abnormal. I can’t remember the range considered normal, something like 25–32, again I don’t remember well.

Disclaimer: as you know, I am not a medical professional.

deni's avatar

@JLeslie You are always so helpful.

Thankfully (?) my boyfriend did bring over two pregnancy tests last night. I did one and it said pregnant. I am about to do the other one…..so….question answered I guess.

JLeslie's avatar

Oh…pregnant?! Get to the doctor right away, you need a blood test, and probably another one in two days.

deni's avatar

Yes. I just did the other test a minute ago, it also said pregnant. What would the blood test be for?

JLeslie's avatar

The blood test will be for HCG (the pregnancy hormone) and progesterone. Since you are cramping it is possible you are losing the pregnancy. The HCG is supposed to double every couple days. If your number is 200 today, and then in a couple days is still 200 or 100, or basically has not pretty closed to doubled to 400, the pregnancy is failing. The progesterone will tell you if your progesterone is low, which can cause miscarriage. So if the HCG is good, but progesterone low, they can give you progesterone to help hold onto the pregnancy, or at minimum know for the future you need your progesterone monitored in future pregnancies. I don’t know if you want the pregnancy or not, it didn’t sound planned, but I don’t want to assume. The blood test will give you info for whether you want to keep the pregnancy or not.

Don’t let them give you another urine pregnancy test, it is a total waste of money. When you come up postive, which you will, and then describe your symptoms they will have you do the blood test anyway. However, if there is some other urine test they feel should be done because you are pregnant that is different, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head this early in a pregnancy, assuming you are just a few weeks pregnant.

deni's avatar

@JLeslie You assume correctly, it’s unplanned and I know for sure I won’t be having it. I had my last period, like I said, just a little over a month ago, so yes it’s very early in the game. However what you say about it possibly failing makes me wonder. The Planned Parenthood in town that I’m already a patient at (figured I’d just go there, I like them and they already have all my info) I found out online only does the abortion pill. I have always had a hard time with pills and this thing just sounds like all bad news. I’d rather just get it done physically than take chemicals that go through my entire system and make me sick as a dog. Regardless, what you’ve said makes me wonder if I should go there anyhow and get a blood test? Would that be the smartest thing to do in the mean time before I know for sure if it’s a failing pregnancy or a regular one?

Cupcake's avatar

I cramped pretty much my whole pregnancy. It’s not necessarily a warning sign, so don’t rely on the pregnancy failing.

deni's avatar

@Cupcake Oh I’m definitely not relying. Just reconsidering what my first step should be…

I assume the worst, which to me is that it’s a normal pregnancy.

JLeslie's avatar

@deni If it is failing they can confirm it for you and you might not need to take a pill at all. If the blood test shows strong numbers you can take the pills. It is better to take the pills as soon as possible, so getting to PP and finding out which direction your hormones are going over the next few days is the best plan in my opinion. You won’t have to guess or wait unknowing.

JLeslie's avatar

The first blood test likely will not confirm anything, except that you are pregnant. The second test is what gives the information about if the hormones are increasing correctly. Early pregnancy has a wide range of normal hormone levels, so one test usually is not enough, it is about the trend in hormone levels. I would guess PP has some sort of normal procedure for this sort of thing.

Did you actually get pregnant even though he did not orgasm inside of you? I’m just curious, no judgment.

Sorry you are dealing with this. Are you freaked out?

deni's avatar

I just read that normally their pregnancy test is a urine test. I guess you can request a blood test? But then, If I know I’m already pregnant, shouldn’t I just go directly to an abortion place rather than going to PP twice then finally having them refer me to somewhere else? I am just confused.

JLeslie's avatar

Why get an abortion or take an abortion pill if the pregnancy is failing. The blood test will tell you if you are already miscarrying.

Call planned parenthood. Tell them your urine test is positive, you are having a lot of cramping, but no bleeding, and you don’t want to keep the pregnancy. See what they tell you. They must have some sort of procedure they go through. I find it hard to believe they don’t do a blood test before prescribing abortion pills, but I don’t know their procedure. You definitely can cramp and still have a good pregnancy, but it also can be a sign of one that is not working out.

Are you saying your planned parenthood doesn’t do abortions? This early it would likely just be the pills. You would have to wait several weeks to get a surgical abortion. But, I am not sure how pregnant you really are of course.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Not my place to tread, but do you want to think on this for a bit? You just found out today. I’m not counseling one choice or another, but once you act it’s done.

JLeslie's avatar

I think this might be a very helpful Q about a girl who took the abortion pill. They did check her blood and do an ultrasound. Maybe if she is still around you can PM her if you want to.

deni's avatar

@JLeslie The one in Boulder only does the pills. Out of the three in Denver, one does surgical. Like I mentioned, even mild painkillers will upset my stomach to the point of nausea and usually vomiting. I’m not sure why that is. Knowing myself I just assume that a pill that causes ones body to reject a living thing inside of it, cannot be good for the other living thing in question (moi)....so I’m just leaning towards surgical because it’s so early on, and I know I have time, and I feel that it may work out better for me…I don’t know though. I read a good thread on here about a vacuum (right?) abortion from girlofscience years ago….very helpful and nothing sounded terrifying. The pill just sketches me out I guess.

That is an interesting and relevant thread, thanks for sending it. I’m reading through it now.

@Adirondackwannabe I can barely pay my rent, and I don’t like babies, and I’ve only been with my boyfriend for a few months now. If anything I wish more people would apply this sentiment to unwanted pregnancies in situations like mine.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Okay. I’m not judging at all. I’m not in your shoes, so it’s your call. If you need a shoulder to lean on I’ll be here for you.

deni's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Thank you. You always have and I’ve always appreciated it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni You’re more than welcome lady.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@deni PP sounds like a plan. When you’re there talk to them about your last period, too.

Like @Cupcake, my entire pregnancy was filled with cramping & a lot of other bad symptoms you won’t want to go through if you don’t desire a child.

JLeslie's avatar

Ok, don’t assume the pill will make you very sick. Pain pills and abortion pills are two different things. If you choose surgical abortion you will most likely be given pain pills or you can pay extra to be put under I think. If they will give you something like Diprovin IV (they use it for colonoscopies, and egg retrievals, and other minor surgeries that only take a very short time to do) then you would not need extra pain medicine. Diprovin rarely makes people sick, it knocks you out. I would assume that is available, but it probably costs quite a bit more. I don’t know.

Best is to find out all the info by calling or going in. I don’t know all the info, I only know some of it, and some guessing on how I would assume it all goes.

JLeslie's avatar

Another thing, even if the one in Boulder does not do surgical and that is what you want. You can do preliminary screening probably with the PP nearest you for convenience.

I am not trying to lean you towards the pills by the way. Just have all the info for what will be done with surgical and then you have an informed choice. The costs involved might matter to you too. I think either is fine, individual choice. Once past a certain date the pills become no longer an option.

Please let us know what happens. How you are doing.

deni's avatar

I just called to see if I could just walk in or if I should make an appointment, unfortunately they were booked for today but I got a 9 AM tomorrow so that’s not bad. And that’s what I figured, at least they could give me some more info on the pills, and if they turn out to not be for me, they can refer me somewhere else which I would have had to do anyhow.

I’m doing fine in general really. Half of me is relieved…in a weird way. I’ve felt crappy for a couple weeks now and had no idea why. This certainly explains it. I feel apathetic about the pregnancy itself though. I’ve known ever since I started having sex that if I ever got pregnant (up until I was a certain age or married or whatever of course) I would abort it. There has never been a question in my mind. So, that part was easy. I do feel a little emotional in general, just want my boyfriend here so I can cuddle him endlessly, but he’s not so I’m being a little wimpy baby. He’s been extremely supportive and has offered to pay for it in full if my insurance doesn’t cover it (it should though) but regardless that’s reassuring and just makes me happy about our relationship in general. So, overall, I am great. Kind of wish I had to work earlier than 5 oclock so I’d stop sitting here thinking about it!

SpatzieLover's avatar

I think the early rush of hormones doesn’t make life & stress any easier to deal with @deni. I was hormonal, sore, crampy, tired, headachey, flu-like for the first few weeks, and that was without knowing I was pregnant.

JLeslie's avatar

That all sounds good. I think tomorrow when you have more information it will be very helpful, and some of what has been said here will also begin to make more sense as you put together all the information and next steps.

deni's avatar

@SpatzieLover My thoughts exactly. I’ve been a total crab lately. Usually I am very pleasant. Last week at some point my boyfriend was making an appointment to get his cat neutered and he wrote on a post-it “All Cat Clinic”....I snapped “Why would you even PUT the word ALL? Why not just write CAT CLINIC???!?!?” He said DENI, it’s called the All Cat Clinic. Luckily we can laugh about it, cause he hasn’t let me live that one down. But it’s funny so it is what it is. I look forward to not being this up and down emotional anymore, urgh!

SpatzieLover's avatar

Yep. I think I went a bit looney with crabbiness for the first 6 weeks. I was snappy.

I agree with @JLeslie about your trip to Planned Parenthood. Get all the info you can from them, and then you can consider your options.

I’d consider the pill, over a surgical option, if the surgical option will require meds (as you already know how your body will react). I’d also read up on the side effects of the pill before taking it.

Cupcake's avatar

@deni I hear ya… my 1st trimester was an emotional rollercoaster.

Go do something… go out for tea, eat candy corn, go for a walk. Go buy yourself the funkiest socks you can find. I’m glad you have an appointment for early tomorrow.

deni's avatar

I have never been so bloated in my life. I am not sure if this is due to this issue or not but I almost couldn’t work tonight it was so bad!!

JLeslie's avatar

It’s most likely the pregnancy. Your digestve system slows down when you are pregnant they say, so every nutrient gets taken from the food. My first pregnancy I thought I might die. Literally I had pressure in my chest, like an elephant on my chest, I thought I was having a cardiac problem. Once the hormones showed I was miscarrying, within about 3 days all my bloat and fear of dying and breast pain went away. I had felt like my body was very “full” hard to describe. I was not very pregnant, so the hormone level was fairly low and dropped off fast. My other pregnancy I never felt like I was dying again thank goodness. Strange. All sorts of strange things when one is pregnant.

Cupcake's avatar

@deni My second pregnancy I was in maternity clothes (pants) pretty much as soon as I took the pregnancy test. It’s amazing how fast and how much your body changes.

Good luck this morning.

JLeslie's avatar

Hard to believe some women have no idea they are pregnant.

deni's avatar

Update: I had my appointment, they did a urine test and said I was 5 weeks pregnant. I can do either the pill or an in clinic abortion but they only distribute the pills on Wednesdays here in town, if I want to travel an hour I could get an in clinic Tuesday – Sunday at another PP. I don’t know which to do. I like the idea of not having any surgery, though I realize it’s simple and fast and the downtime is a lot less with an in clinic abortion. Uhhhhhh…

deni's avatar

I also just checked with my insurance and either method is 100% covered. So that’s awesome, but doesn’t help me make a decision.

Cupcake's avatar

@deni So you could actually have the procedure this weekend? Do you have to schedule in advance? Have you found out when they have openings?

JLeslie's avatar

If you do the clinic abortion do they give you pain killers? I guess just make sure they give you a different kind then you have had before, so you won’t feel sick. Also, you can request anti-nausea drugs, Zofran. You can request the drug either way.

When I took methotrexate to get rid of my ectopic I took anti nauseau drugs with it. Methotrexate is used in other countries for aborting, but I think it is only used here for ectopics.

deni's avatar

Well tomorrow is technically possible, but I have to work at noon and regardless of which method I pick I have to be there for at least a few hours so I won’t have time. So, the soonest would be Tuesday. Given how early it is though I’m trying not to rush into a decision….I know I have some time either way…at least 3 more weeks for the pill and more than that for the surgical way. Either way my work schedule is kind of making things difficult, and I think that I might go the surgical route simply so I can get back to normal within a day or so rather than having potentially heavy bleeding and bad cramps for days. And I waitress, so I will be on my feet, and that could be really terrible if I react poorly to the pills. So yeah, no progress has been made.

@Cupcake You do have to schedule in advance but she made it seem as though it shouldn’t be a problem getting an appointment whenever I want.

Cupcake's avatar

OK, so you’re not rushing. You’ll figure it out. I think if I knew I wanted to get it done, I would get it done right away… which is why I was thinking about this weekend.

Tuesday (or later) looks good, then. Do you have to work or can you get out of it? I’m sure you’re considering your boyfriend’s schedule too he’d bring you to the clinic or stay home with you if you do the pill, right? I hope you’re able to give yourself a day or two of rest regardless of the method you end up using. Be gentle with yourself.

When I got an IUD different, I know… but still something through your cervix I ended up in bed for 2 days. Ouch. Perhaps different with the surgery, though, since you wouldn’t have hardware intended to stay in your uterus… so maybe your cervix can open wider.

deni's avatar

@Cupcake Yikessss! Hmmm yeah I mean I told the nurse today that I did want to get it done as soon as possible. But since tomorrow’s not an option, I have to wait the weekend anyhow. ALSO, another incentive to not rush too much is that they have to do a sonogram before they’ll do either procedure, and if you happen to not yet be 5 weeks along like they estimated, they won’t do it yet. And then you’ll have to come back again. So, I figure there is no harm in waiting either way.

Yes my boyfriend will be accompanying me regardless. Whenever I get an appointment I will work my work schedule around that….obviously it’s my priority and I don’t think it’ll be a problem anyhow. I’m waiting for him to come over to see if he has any input or other viewpoints I may not have thought of. He also is in the medical field so that is helpful. :)

Cupcake's avatar

Ahhhhhh… so plenty of reason to wait a few days/week.

It’s too bad you can’t know how your body would react/recover from either option… that would pretty much make up your mind for you!

I’m glad you have your boyfriend to talk it through with.

deni's avatar

I know, because for simplicity’s sake and time’s sake, the pill makes more sense to me. But, if I am going to bleed heavily and have horribly clots and cramps for 2 days after, not to mention bleeding for weeks after, ehhh I don’t know doesn’t sound so great.

deni's avatar

Heres an update if anyone is curious or for future observers of this thread, my plan now is to go in on Wednesday, take the first pill there, and take the next one at home on Thursday.

JLeslie's avatar

Oh, you decided on the pills afterall. Let us know how it goes.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I’m hoping it goes well for you @deni! Let us know how you’re feeling afterwards.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Good luck lady. My thoughts are with you.

Cupcake's avatar

Good luck!

deni's avatar

Thank you guys. I’m very nervous.

deni's avatar

I am now flip flopping in my head and am leaning towards an in-clinic abortion simply to get it all out of the way!!!!!!! I have no idea what to do.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@deni What did PP recommend? Did they go over what the after effects are like for both options? Would you need NSAIDS or painkillers after either?

JLeslie's avatar

I say just take the pill. Get it over with. The earlier you take it the better. Just swallow it. It will probably just be a heavy period. Miscarrying at 5 weeks (assuming they mean 3 weeks from a missed period) isn’t that big of a deal physically usually, and your physical discomfort from being pregnant will go away within a fee days so you will feel better that way.

harple's avatar

Thinking of you. Good luck with it.

deni's avatar

You guys are gonna think I’m crazy. But I decided to make an appointment for an in-clinic, on Wednesday, at the Denver location. It is scheduled for 11:20 AM and I will have ID sedation, which was one of my biggest concerns in the first place. It seems that this method will work better with my work schedule (I should have no problem returning to work Friday night) and the downtime is much less just in general, which does matter a lot to me.

@JLeslie The lady I talked to this morning said from the date of my last period it’d put me at roughly 7 weeks right now. I have been nauseous and felt terrible all morning, and realized that at this point I want to do whatever will be fastest, easiest, and have me feeling better, sooner. If I do the pills I could have cramps for weeks, and whats worse is there’s no way to tell how it will affect me. AAAhhh.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@deni It sounds then like the procedure is your best option.
I’m sending {{{{{{Healing Thoughts}}}}} for a fast recovery.

Cupcake's avatar

@deni I don’t think that sounds crazy at all. I hope you feel relieved to have an appointment and know that things will feel back-to-normal soon. Hugs.

deni's avatar

Worst part of this whole thing is my stupid boyfriends issue with the fact that he is going to have to miss his 3 classes on Wednesday. How do I tell him nicely that it’s either miss 3 classes, or get murdered in his sleep? Is that an unbelievable thing to gripe about? Is it just me?

SpatzieLover's avatar

Men should really be taught to shut the f*ck up when it comes to anything to do with our uterus, IMO.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t think anyone thinks your crazy. Go with your gut instinct. If you are able to do the in-clinic on Wednesday that isn’t very long to wait. From what I remember you have to be enough weeks pregnant to get it done, so I assume you are by Wednesday if they a scheduling it, I don’t remember the rules around how many weeks you need to be for whichever procedure.

Your boyfriend is being a jerk of course to even mention missing his classes. He has a weeks notice, he can tell his professors he needs to help you with a medical issue and will be missing class. However, if you have a girlfriend who you might want to come with you that is an option too. I don’t mean that he should be let off the hook so to speak, only that if he is pissing you off you can have a friend do it instead if the girl power thing will be more calming for you.

Unbroken's avatar

Wow, Deni, I wish your boyfriend was more supportive for you. He was a contributor and if all he has to do is miss one class, he’s got it easy.
I think you should have him there, I don’t know if this has been covered yet.
You might go through a grieving stage. No matter you are happy with your decision it’s more of a hormonal thing like postpartum depression. Then it is about reason.
He needs to understand this and you might want to do some research on this so you are prepared and have an idea how to minimize the fallout, should it occur.
I will definitely be thinking about you on Wednesday and wish you the best.

Cupcake's avatar

That sucks @deni. In my first trimester I was so nauseous that my husband routinely went to the store just for crackers and ginger ale. One time, he was leaving and had a frown on his face and I burst out crying and thought he hated me… so I begged him to stay home. He cuddled with me for a minute and then went to the store.

Point 1: hormones are no joke
Point 2: his job is to comfort you and do whatever needs to be done. Period.

JLeslie's avatar

Unrelated, but related. One time in my marriage I was in a tremendous amount of pain and had to go to the Emergency Room. It takes a lot for me to go to the Emergency Room, because generally I don’t think it is a good idea unless you are sick with something accute and life threatening. Anyway, I was really freaked out because I was pretty sure they would need to scope me, because the pain felt to be in my esophagus. I have a big phobia of throwing up, and having a tube down my throat is extremely scary for me. My husband did not take me to the ER because he had already scheduled a motorcycle coarse so he could get his motorcycle license. I had to drive myself, a women in the waiting room of the ER comforted me when I was crying. He did stop into the ER when he had a lunch break, and then left me again. My inlaws picked me up from the ER to take me home afterwards. Sometimes our SO’s do stupid things, it doesn’t register with them what is going on.

My husband said afterwards, he didn’t think I was in a lot of pain, he didn’t think it was that bad, that it was really an emergency initially. Later he saw the photos from the scope, I had huge ulcers in my esophagus from a medication I took. Anyway, I don’t know how you are acting with your SO, he might just be in his own bit of denial about the entire situation, but he also might be thinking you can handle it on your own. On this Q you seem to be confident the in-clinic won’t be a big deal, which I also think you will be fine, and so he might be not too worried that he needs to be there to support you. I think it has some to do with his age, being young, same with my husband, how old he was during the incident I described. Your SO is probably not thinking about he helped to create the pregnancy and has to be there at the doctor’s office, he is probably thinking of it as a medical procedure that from what he can tell you can easily handle on your own. He takes responsibility, as you have said, he supports whichever decision you make and will pay for it, but he probably doesn’t think he can do anything by being there.

Men tend to be more matter of fact, and a little self absorbed, especially when they are young and have been through very few medical problems. I don’t know about your SO, but most men have been through nothing medically when they are in their 20’s, while women have been going to the doctor every year since their teens.

deni's avatar

@JLeslie Thanks for that, made me feel a little better. He came over last night and I handed it to him, told him how upset all of his insensitive comments made me, and how if I was being difficult to handle maybe he should cut me a little slack cause this is not usually how I am, as he should know! Anyhow, I finally got it through to him. Now he feels like a big ass.

deni's avatar

On a side note, I can’t believe all the nausea every morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cupcake's avatar

@JLeslie Wow… what an important (and relevant) story. I have my own version where I told my husband to “suck it up” and not be a baby. This happened twice. Each time he needed emergency surgery the next day. It’s not just men who can underestimate the severity of the situation or the necessity for gentleness and comfort.

@deni Glad he took you seriously. And the nausea is no joke.

JLeslie's avatar

@deni By the way my husband is a very good guy. This was a blip of stupidity for him, it is not how he is in general, and he learned from the incident. I have unfortunately had a lot of medical crap happen to me, and he has been great overall. It can be very difficult to gauge how much help someone needs, or how much sacrifice they want, so I think it is good you were very clear how important it was to you. Recently I was hospitalized and I had to push and reassure my husband it was ok for him to spend the night back at the hotel. Him being uncomfortable sleeping at the hospital a second night was more of a burden to me than help. Sometimes it is just hard to know what to do for someone.

deni's avatar

Just got home, everything there went very smoothly and very little pain, I do have some moderately painful cramps right now but am waiting for a heating pad to warm up and laying in bed. I will post more details later. Also as of now I feel no emotional negativity. :)

JLeslie's avatar

Thanks for lettng us know. I’m glad you are doing well. I doubt you will have any mental anguish over it since you always knew the plan if something like this happened. Maybe some moments of “if I hadn’t” might happen in the future, but almost none of my friends had any major emotional regret afterwards. I did have one friend who thought she would never have kids because she was religious and thought after having an abortion she didn’t deserve children (I had never heard of such a thing until she told me this just about 6 months ago. Interesting she even told me she had an abortion, I have only been friends with her about 1.5 years. I think we liberals are there for the socially conservative to confess to or something). I think you will be fine, but we are here if you do get emotional. I still get emotional sometimes, rarely, about what I had to go through with my failed pregnancy. Not only that we wanted children, but also the whole medical thing my body had to go through.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Good news. Hang in there lady.

Cupcake's avatar

@deni Glad you feel alright. I hope you have some chocolate or something yummy and comforting to eat.

deni's avatar

@JLeslie I’m still interested to see how I feel about it tomorrow, next week, etc. I thought the whole thing was pretty interesting, especially the ultrasound, which she printed me a picture of and even though it was very early, is still so interesting to me. Some of the things which surprised me were the amount of protesters outside, and also the amount of girls obviously at this PP specifically for abortions. It became clear how common they really are. A new couple was walking through the door literally every 10 minutes. I also can’t believe how quick it is to do. After she gave me the IV I was literally done in 2 minutes. I know it felt weird at the time but was not painful, and when I started wiggling around she said “almost done!” then it was over. Whaaaaat. And, the vicodin didn’t make me sick like I thought it might, and I ate a breathtaking dinner of fettucine alfredo and literally have not felt so happy or relieved in all my life I think.

Cupcake's avatar

@deni What an interesting experience. I think those things would have surprised me too.

Hopefully the nausea is gone and the cramps don’t last long. but whatever, the fettucine alfredo sounds amazing! Was it homemade?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Just be careful with the vicodin. It’s super addictive.

JLeslie's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe The vicodin was probably for a day if that.

@deni Relief is what I usually hear. Relief it is over, relief it was such an easy procedure, relief that physically one starts feeling “normal” rather quickly. A long time ago on the Phil Donahue show they did an abortion on the show, basically described what was going on while the woman went through it. Donahue said years later that they could never do that show now, because people would freak out about putting on TV how simple the procedure is.

That sucks that there were protesters. Especially disgusting for the women in abortion clinics who want the pregnancy, but something has gone very wrong with the fetus and they choose to abort. I know pro-life women who have found themselves in abortion clinics with that situation, and I always wonder what they are thinking and if they change their vote in the future.

Funny how both sides use how common abortion is for their arguments. Pro-choice points out how common abortion is and just imagine if all those babies were born. Pro-life points out how many abortions are done and says it is done without thought like it is birth control. Last stat I heard was 1 in 3 women have terminated a pregnancy. I think they were looking at total abortions and total female population though, so people who have had two would change the meaning of that stat, but still the figure is very very high.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@JLeslie Yes, but that stuff scares the crap out of me.

deni's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I only took one all day yesterday and I woke up this morning feeling perfect. I seriously want to cartwheel down the street, too bad it’s a gross day out. I’m not sure if I will even take any more of them, pills have always freaked me out.

@JLeslie Yeah, I was saying to my boyfriend while we were in there, I wonder how many women come in for an abortion and have any doubt in the back of their mind, and then see the protestors and it actually changes their mind. I’m sure it happens, but I bet it’s rare. For me, I laughed at how obnoxious these people were, how they have nothing better to do but stand outside a building and try to change your mind about probably the most personal decision one can make, with disgusting graphics. I have zero respect for them. That was my thought too, that these poor women who have to have an abortion for a medical reason, or the fetus is unhealthy and won’t survive, that is so fucked up that they have to see that stuff on the way in too. I feel like it is just disrespectful and inconsiderate on the protesters part.

@Cupcake All gone, and I barely have any bleeding either. I just cannot get over how painless it was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@deni Good for you lady.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I’m so glad you’re feeling well @deni. I hope that your hormones normalize for you in a jif.

deni's avatar

@SpatzieLover Oh yes I already at least feel like they have. I was Facetime-ing with my boyfriend this morning and I noticed that even when I had no reason to, I was sitting here in my bed smiling like a lunatic at the camera. So, yesm :)

Unbroken's avatar

Congratulations! : )

DigitalBlue's avatar

I remembered you asking this question, and I just browsed my way back because I was curious to hear whether you’d found out whether or not you were pregnant. The thread took an unexpected twist -but this does remind me of what I do like about Fluther. There can’t be many places where a conversation like this can unfold.
Also, glad to hear you’re feeling well again.

deni's avatar

@DigitalBlue Thanks! Exactly, I love Fluther, for these reasons.

Petra29's avatar

Hi there,

I was hoping you all may be able to give me some advice. I am 4 days late and I know I cant be pregnant as been fully protected. I am very regular every 28 days but always very light, I dont really pass full blood just a brown thick blood and its over in a day and a half. I was due on on the 9th Jan and still nothing just slight cramps in my lower back and abit in my lower stomach but more around the back nothing like my usual pain whilst on my period, this is really odd for me, I want to try fo kids in the next 6 months so hope im ok? any advice very much appreciated x

JLeslie's avatar

@Petra29 Do you take the birth control pill?

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