How do I masturbate without my parents knowing?

You’re supposed to be 13 to be on here.

don’t worry, they probably know

Either you are the age you say you are, in which case you need to figure it out like the rest of us did, or you are older than that and must be trolling on here.

Do I smell a troll?

If you want a real hardcore way of doing it, you are going to need:

- Some anti-freeze
– A length of rope
– Dry ice
– A Hamster
– A bible
– A stop watch
– 2 Lemons
– A recent gas or electricity bill.

Source the ingredients and I will tell you what to do.

@poisonedantidote Lol, that was priceless.

@poisonedantidote Those lemons gotta hurt.

Well…if “hardcore” means putting a noose around your neck swinging from the light fixture at that critical moment they’ll know when they find your dangling corpse without pants swaying in the breeze.
Poor mom & dad, at least have the consideration to put a tarp down so your reflexive defecation at your moment of death will be an easy cleanup.
At least they won’t have the added expense of new carpeting and your funeral arrangements to deal with all at the same time.