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emeraldisles's avatar

What does one do when you can tell someone is really lying or is a compulsive lying narcissist?

Asked by emeraldisles (1934 points ) January 9th, 2013

How would you handle someone who lies to make themselves feel better. Let’s say you know the truth, and that there were people involved who knew the truth. Yet this person rewrites history, feels no remorse, is a narcissist, and talks basically through their butt? They don’t take resonsiblity and are just very immature.

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15 Answers

SABOTEUR's avatar

Ignore him.

But that’s easy for me…loners specialize in ignoring people.

The difference between me and most people (people who socialize) is, it would never occur to me to “handle” anyone with a personality trait I found offensive.

I would simply have little, if anything, to do with him.

Buttonstc's avatar

Unless you are required by your work situation to interact with this person, the best advice is don’t. Don’t interact with him at all.

You can’t change him (unless he wants to change) so why have him be able to affect any part of your life? That’s nothing but trouble and aggravation. Who needs it?

It’s not really a matter of being social or not. It’s a matter of surrounding yourself with uplifting and positive influences.

Personally I have no room in my life for liars, narcissists, or sociopaths. Why should I ? I can’t think of a single reason (other than job requirements).

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Get going, it is toxic!

zensky's avatar

It really, but really, depends on your relationship with them. And who you are.

I usually stop and think to myself, when being very critical of someone. When you point a finger at someone, three are pointing back at you. And it DOES take one to know one.

Nota bene: You’ve described every third person.

SABOTEUR's avatar

@zensky Maybe so, but you don’t have to be a pseudo psychologist to know whether you dislike someone’s behavior or demeanor. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve characterized them fairly or not, you’ve recognized there’s something about them you don’t like.

My point was, you don’t have to handle, deal with, or do anything about these people but avoid their company whenever possible.

zensky's avatar

I was talking about how I view things. You may read into it or not. It has nothing to do with you.

SABOTEUR's avatar

@zensky I was just making a point relating to what you said. Doesn’t mean I’m right…it’s just my observation.

Nothing here has anything to do with me…I choose to participate, just like you. As such, I may comment on any post relating to any question as long as I do so within Fluther guidelines.

Apologies beforehand if I misinterpreted you reply.

9doomedtodie's avatar

Be true to yourself. Ignore them as possible as you can. There are many who lie. Lying is their habit. I would say their propensity to lie to others. They tend to lie since they are used to it. Most of time the liars see self-protection, self-improvement, and satisfaction in themselves. Truth always wins.

cazzie's avatar

I just walked away from a business arrangement because of someone like this. I chose to not tolerate her any more. It was easy, and hard, because other people were affected by my decision, but I make it a point keep business business and personal feelings personal. I never confronted her about how I felt. I am not her sister, girlfriend or shrink. Did I get upset with her lying, cheating and self consumed chatter? Yep. That wouldn’t have been a problem, but she joined the managing committee, of course, and her groundless self-aggrandizement was seen by 6 members, but 2 continued to take her side. All 6 of us quit, leaving the three of them to start covering rent by themselves in 2 months. Harsh, but we did give them alternative choices, several times. ‘Miss Bossy’ is standing her ground, the other two sunk too much capital into the business to walk away and they are stuck with her and a shop that now going to be run by one of these types of people.

My time and energy is too precious to me to argue and try to help people like this become more self aware. It would be a waste of my time and energy because there is NOTHING I could possibly say to this person that she wouldn’t find a way to manipulate, justify or turn against me. I am not a shrink, so it is best that I walk away with my dignity and integrity in tact, avoiding drama.

Pachy's avatar

Avoid him or her. I’ve encountered this type in my work life and learned through bitter experience to stay as far away as you can.

Crashsequence2012's avatar

I printed the Wikipedia article on Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Highlighted the symptomatolgy matching the individual (lots).

And passed it around to select coworkers that I thought would understand.

diavolobella's avatar

I work with someone like this and they are an extreme case. Fortunately, although they are one of my superiors they are not a direct superior and I do not work directly with them. I try to simply avoid them as much as possible, and it’s my good fortune that they are located on another floor of my building, so that’s fairly easy. When we do interact, which usually consists of them talking, I just listen politely and don’t say much of anything. I also try to look at the amusing aspects of it, since they are so overboard it really can be pretty funny.

In situations outside work, I just avoid people like that completely.

emeraldisles's avatar

I guess there’s truth in the meaning that someone can tell so many lies they start to believe them or they lie to make themselves feel better. Unfortunately, I am cough related to this person, who lives in lala land. Very immature and beyond childish.

diavolobella's avatar

The worst is when someone tells a blatant lie and you know it is a blatant lie and yet you can’t call them out on it. I just sent a reminder that I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, which I notified people about over a week ago. The other assistant here countered with an email that she will be in a meeting at another firm “all day” tomorrow. If that were true, you’d think it would have come up before now and not 2 minutes after I sent my reminder.

She has never gone to any meetings outside this office in her life, wouldn’t be asked to (since she’s not presentable, but that’s another story altogether) and certainly wouldn’t be in a meeting “all day.” The great part is a close friend of mine works at the other firm and will be able to verify this for me. The bad part is, I can’t say anything about it since it would do no good. Every time I have an appointment or a day off she does this, so whether she’s narcissistic is debatable (I suppose), but she’s definitely a compulsive liar.

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