What have you wanted to know from someone you cared about, but never did ask?

“Are you capable of love?”

Mostly I just think about random bits that don’t really matter, or mean anything. Like, is one of your ancestors a pirate? A for real pirate? With a fuckin’ eye patch and buried treasure and shit? What kind of porn do you enjoy? I mean seriously? There exists porn with guys that have three dicks fucking women who have water coolers for heads. Someone has to be funding this. In a world without money, something doesn’t exist if it doesn’t make any money. Or what kind of fantasies do you have about me? If I’m at work and someone looks at me for a real long time, why? What are they imagining? And is it even worse if when I catch them looking at me, all of a sudden they pretend to be looking for something, by twitching their heads every which way like a wounded bird? I mean cmon.

But fuck man, if I were to dwell too much on ’‘what do they think of me’’ or ’‘do they like me’’ with people I care about instead of random fuckers, then I’d have to wonder the same about just everyone I’m forced to come into contact with and deal with everyday. Cuz they’re in your life. Then, who knows what kind of pirate I might become, even if I never knew any of the answers.

If nature works the way it does, and we can’t read minds or know everything, then there’s probably a reason for that. I’m cool with ignorance. Ain’t nothing a nice letter or being taken out for a fancy dinner can’t fix, amirite?

I think I would just ask, whatever it is.

I wish I’d talked more to my grandmother before she passed away. I want to know how she dealt with some of our family dynamics and hardship. How she really felt about the situation(s).

Are you gay, or is there some other problem you’re having? You claim to like girls and you’re dating me, but yet when offered the opportunity to take it up a notch, you don’t take it.

Why did you cheat on my mother? Of course, I couldn’t ask because I didn’t find out until after he had died.

I always wish that I knew what went on inside my father’s head. He was so quiet and remains a mystery I will never really know. I feel like most of what I understand about him is based on intuition rather than fact. He’s gone now, so that’s that as they say.

Are your ex’s more attractive than me?