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chelle21689's avatar

How to deal with someone at work who doesn't like you?

Asked by chelle21689 (5259 points ) March 21st, 2014 from iPhone

I had a feeling the manager of crisis didn’t like me. Boy did today confirm my theory because she told my supervisor some things and she sat down and had a talk with me.

Incident 1:
I interview applicants for her department and if they are okay I pass them along to her for a second interview. This African man came in for the interview and I was told by her to not give her to him for the second interview if his accent is difficult to understand.

I agreed. I interviewed him and didn’t pass him for a second interview because he was difficult to understand. But he was willing to work the weekend night shift which is very difficult to fill. I talked to the crisis manager and she got upset that I didn’t pass him to her if I felt that way….but I was just doing as I was told by her!!

2:
Crisis manager was supposed to create this new hire’ straining schedule by a date. I never received it so 5 days passed and I asked if it was ready. She told me she forgot about it and will get it to me. Later on that day she complained to my supervisor that I told her boss she forgot to do a schedule. I never told her boss anything!!! I told my supervisor I had no idea what she was talking about and I wasn’t a tattle tale. I don’t know if crisis manager believed me.

She then forgets another schedule to complete pass the date she said she’d have it ready. I asked her nicely as I could if she received my request for a new hire schedule. She then told my supervisor I’m being pushy and rushing her and that I’m questioning her authority by not trusting she’ll get it done.

FOURTH incident:
She created a guy’s new schedule and there was an error on it. Me and the guy got confused so I asked her for clarification because I wasn’t sure which was correct…she then got smart with me for pointing out the mistake when I honestly tried to not make it seem that way.

This is just a few. I couldn’t believe how this became all my fault. I’m afraid I’ll lose my job over her.

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17 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

You might lose your job. She sounds impossible to work with, it might be better to jump before you are pushed, start looking now. PS- I worked at a place where, they were all very nice, but I got blamed for a couple things that another person did, whatever, I sent an email that I wouldn’t be coming back, they were nice about it, it’s all good.

chelle21689's avatar

I don’t understand why I’m an issue. I had no idea that she had all these issues with me but I mean I felt like she didn’t like me cuz she never smiled or said hi or would avoid me and give my supervisor my tasks instead. I felt so terrible and shocked I couldn’t eat lunch and I haven’t ate all day. =(

Juels's avatar

When I work with difficult people, I find it best to do all communicating via email. This way, I have a written record (proof) of everything that has been said. Sometimes it is the only way to protect your own butt. When your supervisor comes to you for an explanation, just provide the email.

Pachy's avatar

Whatever you do, don’t take an aggressive approach with her. Keep your distance to whatever extent possible and start keeping diary detailing everything’s that happens between the two of you.

chelle21689's avatar

I just wanna know why she hates me. I don’t know why she’s trying to get me in trouble…seriously I have been trying to be nice and work hard to fill her open shifts because of her high turn over. Maybe she sucks at being a boss’s and that’s why her unit quits 3–4 of them a month!!! Ugh.

Cruiser's avatar

To me it sounds like she is screwing up and losing her temper at the same time and taking it out on you. Both to me are signs not all is well in her life. This may not be possible for you to do but when I see my employees off the rails if you will….I pull them into my office for a private chat. 9 out of 10 times it is revealed that things in their personal life are difficult and not as often a conflict with another employee is revealed. Just talking about it often is enough to take some of the weight off their shoulders.

That said I would document each of these incidents with dates, times and all details of her mistakes and even the confrontations. If you get enough evidence that is person is slipping up, not doing her job and or making your ability to do your job…then you can approach HR with a solid complaint.

What is even cooler is when an employee come up to me and say’s “boss…you aren’t yourself lately…wanna talk about it?”

GloPro's avatar

I agree that you should email requests to her. Maybe once a week, on a Monday or whatever, email her a list of all outstanding things you are expecting from her or are working with her on. If you don’t have anything, still send the weekly email asking if she has anything for you.
Tell her in person you are trying something new to help you keep track of your “to do” lists and better communicate with co-workers. If she fails to provide something you are waiting for, don’t bring it up again until the following Monday, when you put it on the list for a second time. I genuinely find those emails useful communication tools, but they also document your attempt to get things done in a timely manner. CYA.
And if you genuinely feel your job is at risk, any emails that are snide or reprimanding you I would begin forwarding to my personal email accounts.

Remember that not everyone will like you, and that’s OK. Gossiping or being rude to co-workers, however, is not. Always respect others, and you will earn a reputation for being respectful.

chelle21689's avatar

Thanks guys. I will keep documents from emails.

Glopro, I would but my supervisor gave me advice not to and just “trust” the crisis manager will get it done! Lol

CWOTUS's avatar

You’re looking at this the wrong way, because you’re attributing a degree of professionalism to this person that is unwarranted, since she is acting as a spoiled child. In addition, whether you realize it or not, she views you as a threat. You could be viewed that way for any number of reasons: perhaps you’re smarter than she is, or more dedicated to the profession yourself, or you came close to finding out something about her that she doesn’t want known, or it could even be for something as irrational as “you get along better with people” or even “you’re younger and prettier than she is”. Who knows how the mind of a sociopath works?

For whatever the reason, this person does have it in for you.

@trailsillustrated may have the best advice, right out of the box: Start looking elsewhere. Jobs usually aren’t too hard to find when you’re already employed, so do start looking – and even enlist your boss in the effort, but quietly and tactfully. After all, it would be unprofessional of you to start looking for another position – with another employer – “on company time”. But surely if your boss is decent and intelligent and the least bit human and humane, your boss knows that you’re being played and abused unfairly. (A good boss would also stand up strongly for you, so I have some misgivings about your boss, too.)

To give this some perspective, I make mistakes all the time. I’m late with tasks, I push back against the boss’ telling me to “do it this way” and do it my way instead (because it’s better, and I show him that eventually), and sometimes when I’m juggling lots of things I drop some. But he keeps me around because on balance he knows that I save him far more trouble than I cost him, and I make him look good to his boss – all the time.

And for that reason, since he has been gone for the past three weeks on an emergency business trip on the other side of the world, I spent the last half of the afternoon today with some of my colleagues booby-trapping his office for his return on Monday. He may even get a bit irked for a bit (because I’ve booby-trapped some of the booby-traps). But soon enough he’s going to see the humor in it all (because this is exactly the kind of thing that he enjoys doing to others all the time), even though he may not see some of the results of our mischief for several days yet.

That’s the kind of working environment you should have, not one where you have to defend yourself against games and unjust accusations. (It’s often enough that I get blamed for the things that I have done wrong, too, but I simply wouldn’t stand for someone making up charges that they know to be false, as you’re enduring.)

You don’t belong there, or she doesn’t, and you may not yet have the power to get rid of her.

chelle21689's avatar

People have been telling me to put applications but I’ve only been here three months….it’s my first real job. So I have very new experience in the HR field I’ve been trying to get into for so long. Won’t it look bad if I’m applying for jobs and leaving a job after three months?

It’s sad cuz I like it there and one person is ruining it.

GloPro's avatar

Would it be possible to ask your supervisor (or even your co-worker) if sending that weekly email would be okay, since it would honestly help you communicate and keep track of your to do list? That way your co-worker wouldn’t have to feel like you’re being pushy or rushing her, you’re just sending a weekly communications email to maximize your own productivity?

It doesn’t look bad to apply for jobs. Besides, work is a large part of your daily life. Eventually the bad juju will make you feel bad. Don’t ever be afraid to look for something better.

chelle21689's avatar

She just said she advises I trust the crisis manager to get things done and be more patient . Lol

GloPro's avatar

Well, I can say this… If it’s your first ‘real job’ then you may be a little sensitive, it’s true. Young people (myself included) tend to be very by-the-book and black and white. In reality, almost everything is gray area. Younger employees are usually more eager to be seen as doing a good job so they may come across to some as a know-it-all. All you can do is mention your needs to her once and then follow the guidance of your supervisor and leave it alone. Be nice. Smile. Ask about things she is interested in here and there when she isn’t busy. Ask her advice. You know, stroke her a little. And most important DON’T complain about her to anyone you work with, period. Keep that on Fluther.

chelle21689's avatar

Thanks glopro. I know my supervisor and director are cool with me (or at least I hope lol I have second thoughts now that this conversation happened!) I just don’t wanna lose my job :/

bolwerk's avatar

Is it established that she is only like this with you, or does she do it to anyone?

You don’t quite clarify your relationship with this person. She is clearly not a subordinate, and it sounds like she is higher ranking than you, but it doesn’t sound like she is in charge of you.

If I were you, I’d start taking detailed but concise notes of this behavior. Note dates and times and what was done. If you do come up for a hearing, you’ll want to show HR what you’re going through. And if you get fired, you want to make it clear that it’s without cause since I think that can affect your ability to get benefits.

Finally, talk to a supervisor or someone, preferably a manager or director, above your supervisor. You don’t want others bringing this up first. Just explain what’s happening and how it’s affecting you and the company. Don’t make any blame. It makes you look proactive. You aren’t tattling at this point either; you’re watching your own ass (and the company’s).

Also: not interviewing someone who is “hard to understand” because of his accent is probably illegal if it can’t be shown it affects his ability to do the job. Your company could be sued if that got out. Maybe it’s something to bring up to the manager.

chelle21689's avatar

@bolwerk that’s what I thought and felt horrible because he even said his weakness was his accent. But yeah she is higher rank but not in charge of me. I don’t know how she is with everyone else.

bolwerk's avatar

@chelle21689: I tried to clarify that second to last paragraph a little.

Might not hurt to find out at this point. Like I said, she’s sorta putting the company at risk if she’s making orders like that. It sounds like she was being flaky rather than deliberately setting you up, but she set it up in a way where you can plausibly get at least some of the blame.

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