Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Would two people with Herpes stay together just for the sex?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (22103 points ) April 2nd, 2014

disclaimer I do not have Herpes, am not dating anyone with Herpes, there is no perspective partner in my life that has Herpes, this question was generated from conversation on another thread, and only that.

If tow people who knew each had Herpes and entered into a relationship, but over time all but the sex deteriorated in the relationship, for the sake of the sex, (which we will say was better than average), would the couple stay together? Would they feel taking the chance of being alone for a long time or not finding another partner with Herpes that was as good sexually as what they have now, worth it as oppose to being unhappy and/or fighting with the person they are in a relationship now? If they left but could not find another relationship would they regret it or return to the person they broke up with and try to rekindle the flame?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

GloPro's avatar

Seriously, no. That’s like staying with someone only because you’re both Jewish.

KNOWITALL's avatar

One guy I knew said he kept going back to his ex because they both had herpes and it was just easier.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@GloPro Seriously, no. That’s like staying with someone only because you’re both Jewish.
Seriously, being Jewish will have no physical or pleasurable affect to another person. Bowling with a friend is different than boinking them between the sheets.

GloPro's avatar

Haha, ok. I still say that good sex is the poorest reason to stay together, if everything else sucks.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@GloPro Haha, ok. I still say that good sex is the poorest reason to stay together, if everything else sucks.
The game changes when you have Herpes, it is not like one is going to walk out of a relationship and find other willing prospects at a cousin’s wedding who also have Herpes where they will not freak being with a person with Herpes.

KNOWITALL's avatar

The guy I was talking about was going to ask me out, my mom was a friend of his older roomate, and the roomate told my mom about the herpes situation. He was a good kid and fun to hang out with, but it wasn’t something I was up for dealing with at a young age, long-term anyway.

GloPro's avatar

I agree the game changes. That’s no reason to lower your standards.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Ah yes, the gift that keeps on giving.

bolwerk's avatar

Most people have herpes. It’s those of us who don’t who should be avoiding the rest of you.

Symbeline's avatar

Can’t speak for nobody else, but if I had Herpes, my first thought would be to see a doctor to get it treated somehow,

Seek's avatar

True story:

Acquaintences of my husband had dated for years. Eventually, she found out he had been cheating on her for a while. She broke up with him and kicked him out. A couple of weeks later she had her first outbreak. Found out he had given her herpes from the chick he was banging on the side.

And because of that, she took him back. Probably because she was so miserable psychologically due to being “tainted” she feels like she can’t do any better. It’s a damned shame.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

There is no treatment for herpes (to kill it). There is Valaclovir, a drug doctors prescribe which is supposed to help reduce the outbreaks and help them go away sooner, but there is no way to rid yourself (so far as the AMA is concerned) of this virus which seems to hide itself on nerve endings and under strss the victim breaks out with sores in embarrassing places.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Symbeline The way it was explained to me is that it doesn’t go away, there are outbreaks and you are contagious though. I’m pretty sure you’d always have to have protection as a man if you went with a new person, and even then, it would suck telling them.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You might indeed have protection using a condom but if you plan on orally pleasuring a woman, the only protection is a large roll of saran wrap

So really, a guy who digs having his woman screaming “OH MY GOD” multiple times while her legs are choking him and her fingers digging into his biceps has no protection whatsoever.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dan_Lyons I meant if the man has the STD. Can he use protection and go for it or ?

As a woman, I’d assume a woman with that STD would decline the pleasure for safety. Idealistic maybe.

Symbeline's avatar

@KNOWITALL Yeah apparently there is no cure. Eventually it gets milder and the outbreaks get smaller and further apart each time. So I guess eventually it just goes away or dies on its own?

Not sure…I just hope I never find out.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Well since I can’t read the minds of millions of people, and I can’t necessarily predict what two, random people may or may not do, I’m gonna say fuck if I know.

Coloma's avatar

WTF! Dude…your imagination knows no bounds.
Not any more likely than anyone else staying together for a lifetime, which is extremely unlikely in these modern times.
Maybe if they are both masochists and get off on blister sharing.
Perhaps, considering few people wish to hook up with tainted sexual partners, well…not really any different than all the other gazillions of people that stay together for other wrong reasons. Kids, money, fear, age, status quo.

Nothing would ever keep me with anyone if it wasn’t a healthy relationship.

downtide's avatar

It’s not as silly a question as it seems. I know a gay HIV+ guy who purposefully dates only other HIV+ guys, specifically for that reason.

GloPro's avatar

@downtide That makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is to resign yourself to a dissatisfying relationship. There are other HIV+ people in the dating pool. Finding a partner isn’t easy for anyone, infected or not. Why settle?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@downtide It’s not as silly a question as it seems. I know a gay HIV+ guy who purposefully dates only other HIV+ guys, specifically for that reason.
You would think, but it seems some are trying to dismiss it as being as easy to rectify as changing a dirty shirt. Why do people live in crime ridden neighborhoods when there are many other neighborhoods to choose from? They don’t have the money or means to do better. A person with Herpes might feel one on the hand is worth two you might catch at the bar, pool party, wedding of a friend, etc. Why do dwarfs seek mostly to find mates at events and conventions that feature others like them? I believe it is because they don’t have to wade through as much emotional funk. Honestly, how many people would take on a mate they know they could get an incurable disease from if they were to have sex? Sex is like the top two things in most unions I see, so to say the sex is highly risky and can’t be spontaneous is a deal-killer for many I know.

@GloPro Finding a partner isn’t easy for anyone, infected or not. Why settle?
For expediency, convenience, not wanting to have any down time etc. With the case of someone having a disease that is incurable, and much more, able to give it to another makes it more of an issue than if they just had Crone’s disease, Downs disease, or leukemia; they can’t pass that to another, so if they can’t find a person willing to live with them and that, it is on the other person because it won’t harm them physically.

GloPro's avatar

@HC I feel like you are pitting words in my mouth. I never said it was easy, and living in a bad neighborhood because you aren’t able to move is in no way comparable to staying in a relationship. All relationships are chosen. You aren’t ever ‘stuck’ in a relationship.
I’m not saying don’t seek out another person with the same incurable disease. That makes sense to me. What I am saying is I would rather be miserable alone with a chance of rectifying my loneliness by finding someone that I really enjoy than be miserable in a relationship that I didn’t want that prevented me from looking for something better. I don’t agree that there is ANY reason, period, to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. ANY reason.
I never said it was easy to be alone or easy to find someone. I am not dismissing anything other than the reasoning that sharing an incurable disease is reason enough to stay with someone. I disagree wholeheartedly.
There are dating websites that link up people with similar diseases for a reason. No one wants to be miserable, or alone.

GloPro's avatar

*putting words in my mouth…

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@GloPro I am not dismissing anything other than the reasoning that sharing an incurable disease is reason enough to stay with someone. I disagree wholeheartedly.
I am not trying to put words, or anything else into your mouth. I guess where we are off is I am not saying that the reason to stay together is to ”share” a disease; to me that is voluntary. I am saying because sex is so important to many people, they may choose to stay in a relationship where they can satisfy the sex without a battery operated or stiff rubber device or their hand by staying with someone who doesn’t satisfy them any other way because Herpes limits their opportunities. They can network, try dating sites for people afflicted with the same disease, but that is not a guarantee they will not go the next few weeks, months, or years partner less, and sexless, unless they do it themselves which if they love sex, is like warm root beer compared to a frosty root beer float.

GloPro's avatar

Well, shit. I’m STD free and have been buying my batteries at Costco for the past year. Sometimes you don’t get what you want. You have never met a hornier person than me, but finding the right relationship takes time. I’d still take my Rabbit over a crappy relationship with good sex.
But that’s just me.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther