Social Question

talljasperman's avatar

How do you feel comforted when you live away from home?

Asked by talljasperman (18474 points ) April 26th, 2014

I’m living in long term apartment for homeless people… and I want to go home and live with my mom. Problem is she is living in a seniors residence and all we get is unlimited free long distance telephone. My mom lives 500 kilometers away in Jasper National Park and I live in Red Deer… She is on pension and I am on Permanent disability. I need a hug.

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13 Answers

non_omnis_moriar's avatar

You sure do. I hope things get better for you.

chyna's avatar

@talljasperman {{{HUGS}}} I know it’s not like a real hug, but sometimes a virtual hug helps a little.

zenvelo's avatar

((Hugs from California.)))

You have a social worker, don’t you? Talk to your social worker, tell him or her exactly what you said here, ask her if there are any support groups near you where you can get to know some people to just hang with and feel connected to.

Good luck.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I can’t exactly tell whether you want to go home, or would just like to live within easy hugging distance of your mom. If it’s the latter, you should certainly be able to work it out. I think it might be realistic if the 2 of you were willing to consider a big city environment. Your country has a rep for looking out for its old folks and disabled when it comes to quality of life.

talljasperman's avatar

@chyna @zenvelo Thank you for the (((HUGS))).

linguaphile's avatar

@talljasperman Oh boy. That’s not easy at all.

Big, big hugs!! Hang in there—but while you’re hanging in there, I think @zenvelo has good ideas…

GloPro's avatar

I am sorry you are feeling lonely. I can promise you that although we can’t give you physical affection, the jellies here are all very fond of you! Are you allowed to get a cat? They aren’t too much trouble and it might curl up with you at night.
Hugs from afar!

fluthernutter's avatar

Awww…hope your situation gets better soon. Sending you a hug good thoughts.
(Don’t think you want a hug from someone who has some yet-to-be-officially-diagnosed itchiness going on.)

Judi's avatar

How did you end up living so far from your mom?
That’s got to be hard. :-(

Haleth's avatar

I’d hug you if I were there. Hang in there. :)

There have been a couple lonely times in my life. The way things have gone, being around friends and loved ones is like a holiday, and solitary times are like the rest of the year.

I can’t tell if you’re looking for just kind words, or if you’d like any practical advice. But you’d be surprised at how many ways you can connect to others when life hands you lonely circumstances.

For instance, if you have old friends that you’ve lost touch with, it’s easy to think that they’ve forgotten all about you and don’t care anymore. In a lot of cases, they’d probably be really glad to hear from you. Maybe they thought you didn’t care. You could try starting a conversation again.

I find it’s also very comforting to read the right poetry or literature. A lot of people who are introverted have a secret side of themselves where their best thoughts are hidden. Most people don’t talk about things like creating your own meaning in a meaningless world, empathy for one’s fellow man, the beauty of the natural world, or how world a better place. These are the things that keep me up at night, and it’s the total opposite of the safe, small talk-y kind of things you’d talk about with a new person. Reading Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, or Kim Stanley Robinson feels a bit like a dialogue with a kindred spirit.

It’s the same with making things. You don’t have to be Emily Dickinson or anything. Like Chaucer says, “the lyf so short, the craft so long to lerne.” If you suck at it, learning a new skill gives you a great challenge to sink your teeth into. If you’re good, exercising your craft gives you a sense of purpose. It lets you continue that long human conversation- not the quotidian small-talk conversation of everyday life, but the long intellectual conversation of kindred spirits across the ages.

I really think everyone should aspire to this. But a lot of people- including social, successful people- are caught up in the everyday bullshit of happy hours, trendy clothes, and social media. To me, someone like that is a lot more lost than someone who is just lonely. Finding a sense of purpose- whatever it is- brightens and energizes everything else that you do. And if you’re a purposeful, self-fulfilled person, people will naturally be drawn to you, even if it doesn’t happen overnight.

Basically, I try to learn something new every day, and to find ways to spread happiness or relieve suffering. It’s a good way to live- and selfishly, it will make you happy.

anniereborn's avatar

I miss my mother a lot who lives in a nursing home. I also miss my childhood home that is no longer in our family.
I am often comforted by music that makes me think of both things. Also I have a pillow that used to be my mom’s that I sleep with when I am sad.
Oh yeh, and teddy bear from long ago.
Comfort food is a big one of mine. Which is bad as it’s usually fattening food. But in moderation it’s okay. Fav foods that you mom makes or that remind you of home.

(((BIG HUGS)))

JLeslie's avatar

Being homesick is a difficult feeling. Would skyping with her sometimes be better than a phone call? Being able to see her?

Even when I see my mom we don’t hug anymore. I guess I don’t think of physical contact with my parents anymore. Certainly their presence matters though.

The physiological need for touch is a real thing. They say being around pets can help with that. Not that a dog is any substitute for your mom, but it might help you feel calm. It’s supposed to be good for blood pressure and heart rate. I know you can’t have a pet in a shelter, but maybe visit a place that holds dogs for placement if you like dogs.

My comfort is focusing on whatever good things are around me. Can be as simple as the blue sky and warm sun if I am lucky enough to be in a sunny warm place. Or, any beauty the universe has supplied me. Can be the magic of a new snowfall, a new building with interesting architecture. Also, helping others can take my mind away from my own discomforts. Can be as small as a smile to another person and striking up a conversation. Take away my own loneliness by taking away someone else’s.

LornaLove's avatar

I sort of know how you feel. I moved from a country I’d lived in most of my life. Worse still most of the people I loved died before I left. For me, it was easier to throw away my clothes and belongings. I feel very alone. I miss the comforts of all familiar.

The only suggestions I can offer is, put up some photographs of your mom, talk to people, whether the people where you live or your social worker. Chat about anything, the weather, how they are, anything.

I wish I could get a pet to love :-)

Perhaps you could? Or could offer to walk dogs? It’s hard I know. You have us though :) Hugs

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