Social Question

Haleth's avatar

Do you know any corny jokes?

Asked by Haleth (19348 points ) May 7th, 2014

Someone posted this list in my facebook and I’m just dying. They’re so great. Do you have any other favorites?

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24 Answers

filmfann's avatar

I went to the dentist, but I only had a dollar, so he gave me buck teeth.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

@Haleth I can’t believe we both posted such a similar thread within minutes of each other, but when I posted mine I didn’t see yours anywhere.

Yours is listed 1st just before mine on the social tab.

Heres’a mine for yours,

How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Lol thanks for that link Haleth. It also made me come to a realization. All of my humor is already dad humor :P

The worse the pun, the better IMO.

The best/worst one I had recently was at school last week.

A friend was reading Walden to study for a final and was having a rough time with it so she tossed the book across the room.

“Hey! Don’t Thoreau your book!”

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Those are so bad.

josie's avatar

Bill: “Somebody said you remind them of an owl”
Jill: “Who”

rojo's avatar

Found this one today:

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem.George’s mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, “I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that’s what I want to do,” The Consul, after hearing this, says “You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price.”

“No, it’s not that,” says George. “You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can’t take that chance.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

My dad, driving back from a long trip, only a few blocks from home. “Girls! I’m magic! I can turn this car into a driveway….”

“What did the monkey say when he peed into the cash register?....This stuff runs into money.”

“What did the monkey say when he peed off a cliff?....A little of that goes a long way.”

“You can shake and shake, all you please, but the very last drop goes in your BVDs.”
“GROSS DAD!!!!”

El_Cadejo's avatar

One of my favorite shitty jokes.

“Two pretzels were walking down the street; One was assaulted.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

OK, one that I made up. I was at some function for one of the kids in the school auditorium. I was digging around for something in my purse and a battery fell out of my purse and landed on the chair of the woman sitting next to me. She kind of looked at me and I said, ...“Wait!” And I pulled out a little packet of salt I also had in my purse. I said, “I suppose you can get me for a salt and battery now.” She just rolled her eyes and grinned! :D

Yetanotheruser's avatar

Then there was the magician who was walking down the street and turned into a bar!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Yetanotheruser Bad, but it made me laugh. GA

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

How can you tell if a blonde was using your computer? There’s whiteout all over the monitor.

rojo's avatar

A guy walks into a psychiatrists office completely naked, wrapped only in Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist look at him and says “Well, I can clearly see your nuts”.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

What do you get when you play Country Music backwards?

I’m gonna git mah gurlfrenn back…
I’m gonna git mah truck back…
I’m gonna git mah dog back..

Yetanotheruser's avatar

I once knew a farmer who was out standing in his field.

Dutchess_III's avatar

What do you get when you play The Beatles backward, @Espiritus_Corvus?

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I don’t wanna hold your hand
She doesn’t love me, no, no, no
Paul is dead, Paul is dead, Paul is dead, Paul is dead…

SmartAZ's avatar

I got a bit behind when I sat on that spider.

Yetanotheruser's avatar

Why can a man never starve in the Great Desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there. But what brought the sandwiches there? Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred.

Dutchess_III's avatar

PAUL IS DEAD???!!!! (Who the hell is Paul?)

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

@Dutchess_III Paul McCartney. There was an urban legend floating around back in the late sixties that Paul had been killed in a car accident and was secretly replaced by a look-alike. The fact that the Abbey Road album cover depicted him walking across Abbey Rd. barefooted was considered a clue supporting the truth to this rumor. Then came the very strange (for it’s time) White Album, with the Revolution No. 9 cut. Supposedly, if you played the end of Rev 9 backwards, you would detect John saying, “Paul is dead” repeatedly in lifeless monotone with George interjecting, “Turn me on, deadman.” I fell for it and couldn’t detect a damn thing.

But whippersnappers like yourself wouldn’t know anything about such an important, earth-shaking, world-changing event such as this.

Yetanotheruser's avatar

I have a friend who is an incorrigible punster. (His T-Shirt even says, “Do not incorrige.”) I asked him whether he punned while on dates. “Sure, I pun on dates,” he replied. “On prunes and figs, too.”

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