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Haleth's avatar

Well-meaning relative is spamming my facebook page?

Asked by Haleth (17104 points ) 2 months ago

One of my older relatives has become very active on facebook recently. She’s discovered the “tag” feature, where you can post something along with the name of a friend. When you do that, it shows up on their page and in their news feed.

She does this about once a day, with me and my sister. The stuff she likes is REALLY not my wheelhouse. It’s things like, “you won’t BELIEVE that this puppy and this squirrel are friends!” or “look at this adorable kitten yawning!” or “these silly babies are dressed like movie stars!” etc. I don’t post things anywhere near that often. So now most of the stuff my friends see from me is like… taxidermied squirrels and sad-eyed cats and stuff.

I had some serious, hardcore depression for about three years, and basically just went to work and functioned and didn’t talk to anybody. Now I’m feeling a little better, and starting to use facebook to get back in touch with old friends. But these relationships are still in the fragile, rebuilding stage. Not everyone knows why I dropped off the map for so long, but I’m starting to tell a few people here and there.

It makes me feel really immature to be so bothered about this. Being embarrassed by your family is such an adolescent thing, right? Her posts don’t seem to be hurting anything, but I’d really like to come across as well-adjusted and normal right now. Thoughts?

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13 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

Maybe her account is being hacked without her knowledge? I have a friend who constantly sent spamming notifications to me on Facebook too (she invited me to like spamming pages). And when I asked her why, she was bewildered, saying she didn’t even know any of those stuffs. She has stopped doing it now so I guess her account was really hacked.

I understand you are having some emotional problem, so it will affect your judgement, but for a while just look at the big picture, maybe the truth is different from what you think.

Haleth's avatar

@Mimishu1995 You would think so, but she loves that stuff in real life too. And she’ll write comments along with it, definitely in her tone and writing style, to my sister and I. It’s really sweet, but damn.

anniereborn's avatar

I’m pretty sure there is a way in “options” that you can abolish any “tagging”.

funkdaddy's avatar

There are settings under “the lock” (upper right) -> See More Settings -> Timeline and Tagging that can reign this in for you.

My best bet would be “How can I manage tags people add and tagging suggestions” -> “When you’re tagged in a post, who do you want to add to the audience if they aren’t already in it?”

or

“Who can add things to my timeline?” -> “Review posts friends tag you in before they appear on your timeline?”

Honestly, I don’t put a ton of stock into the things friends of friends post, and I hope others don’t either. Some of my friends are out there on some things, but once you get to friends of friends, those people are outright nutty.

JLeslie's avatar

I would check your privacy settings and see if you can stop it from showing up on your page, or “hide” her somehow. If you go to the top right corner of something she tagged you in there might be a pull down choice with the option to hide everything from your relative. The other option is to tell them directly to stop, but I don’t get the feeling you want to do something so blunt.

Haleth's avatar

Thanks, guys! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that in the first place.

Her feelings will probably still be hurt by this, but it seems a lot nicer than directly asking her to stop.

funkdaddy's avatar

@Haleth – I don’t think she’ll ever know, she doesn’t get a notice or anything

Unless she starts asking your friends how they like the sweet little kitties ;)

JLeslie's avatar

If she asks you if you like her posts you can just say you aren’t on Facebook much. If you block her she might figure it out, but if you just hide her she most likely never will.

trailsillustrated's avatar

She won’t know- I do it all the time- untag myself, and hide all their posts, unfollow. They don’t know.

dappled_leaves's avatar

First, try not to feel too embarrassed. This has happened to everyone at least once. And if it hasn’t yet, it will eventually. The people in your “fragile, rebuilding stage” friendships will get that.

Next, go to Settings > Timeline and Tagging (from list on left hand side)

The simplest thing you can do here is change “Review posts friends tag you in before they appear on your timeline?” to On. This means that anytime someone tries to tag you in a post, you’ll get a notification asking if that’s ok. Over time, your relative might notice that her tags aren’t going through, and stop trying to tag you. Or not.

—> This controls what your relative can do.

The other things you can do are to change:

“Who can see posts you’ve been tagged in on your timeline?” to “Only me” or some other customized list.

“When you’re tagged in a post, who do you want to add to the audience if you’re not already in it?” to “Only me”, or a customized list.

—> These control what your friends can see.

Whatever option you choose, you will still see these posts come up in your newsfeed, and your friends might see them go by in the ticker (but only devoted stalkers will care).

As an added benefit, when these adorable kitty pictures do come up in your feed, click the arrow to the top right of the picture, and select “Hide all from [whoever your relative shared the kitty picture from].” Slowly, you’ll get fewer and fewer of these. At least, I think you can still do that if you’re tagged on them, but it’s possible that the tagging overrides that. Who knows.

Edit: Simply hiding your relative’s posts will have no effect on what your friends see when she tags you. It just means that you would no longer be aware of what embarrassing thing they are seeing. So that would not be the only option I would choose.

pleiades's avatar

You can unfollow her but still be “friends” on FB. Or untag yourself

Coloma's avatar

Gah…I know how you feel!
I no longer have a FB acct. for several reasons, one, an ex friend that I dumped a few years ago. This woman was so stupid and pushy, once, I woke up to like 200 emails because she tagged my entire photo album! Unreal! lol

Yes, follow @dappled_leaves excellent advice.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

Go into your setting and disable tagging. You can also set your news feed to not show stuff from her.

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