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rory's avatar

How do I send the "we should probably talk about what happened last night" text?

Asked by rory (1160 points ) 1 month ago

Last night, after a fairly prolonged period of flirting, I went to a concert with a girl I dated briefly a year ago. After the concert she went back to my place. We made out a whole bunch and cuddled, it didn’t go further than that per mutual comfort levels.

Backstory—we were a thing in late August, broke up mid September, and got back together a few weeks later. That time it lasted like a week, and we broke up again. It was our first year in college, relationships are shortlived and weird, we got over it. We’ve both seen other people since, and retained a friendship with each other.

Anyway, though, last night was really nice. But even though we did the same stuff as last night this morning before she had to leave for work, stuff was definitely awkward, and texts between me and her today have been sort of stiff.

What do I say in a text? How do I proceed? I don’t want to sound like I’m upset about what happened, or overly eager to pursue things—neither is really true. I just want to know what she wants out of this and stuff. Given the way she’s been in the past, I don’t honestly trust her much to stick around. She seems to have changed, who knows. But if she hasn’t changed, I’d like things to end more on my terms than they have in the past.

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13 Answers

janbb's avatar

It sounds like you already know what it was – a brief encounter on both sides. We all want things nice and tidy but sometimes it just isn’t worth texting it out.

Coloma's avatar

Don’t text..CALL! Texting is not true communicating, voice to voice and face to face.
Really, I wouldn’t sweat it, if you are not even sure if you want to pursue anything more, it seems like you just want the ego satisfaction of some sort of control over the situation. I say let it go, you don;t have to do anything right now, today. Let it ride for a few days and see if she contacts you.

Otherwise, just drop a note and say ” Had fun last night, hope you’re having a nice day” and wait and see if she responds.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Coloma is right. Don’t text. Call. You will get much more closure (or clarification) that way.

rory's avatar

@Coloma, @elbanditoroso, my ultimate goal is to call her and talk about it. Now I guess my thinking is that I’ll text her and ask her to give me a call when she gets of work. But I don’t know how to phrase it at all, I don’t want the tone of this whole thing to be super heavy or anything.

dappled_leaves's avatar

There’s no way to say “we should talk” without it being heavy and foreboding. That’s just how it is. In the context of the awkwardness, even a simple “Can you call me?” means the obvious thing.

GloPro's avatar

If you text her a request for a phone call and she doesn’t call how will you feel?
Why send the text at all? Why not call her when you know she is off of work and keep the ball in your court?
You should be thinking more about what YOU want out of this and stuff, instead of her. You can control yourself and voice your own needs. That’s where your control ends.
If you want more, or to explore more, say so. If you don’t, say so. Regardless of what she wants and needs. Hopefully you meet in the middle.

rory's avatar

update: I texted asking her to call me. thanks all :)

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“How do I send the “we should probably talk about what happened last night” text?”

Start with… “Let’s not talk about last night… mK?”

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Besides, what’s there to talk about? Either call her out for another date or adios babe!
Don’t go talking about it. Just smoothly progress (as smoothly as you are able).
Believe me, she’s way ahead of you, dude.

johnpowell's avatar

This seems like a pretty shitty way to put all the pressure on her.

kritiper's avatar

You don’t. Face to face communication is best here.

GloPro's avatar

What happened?

rory's avatar

@GloPro , we talked, decided to remain friends. Thanks all for advice :)

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