What causes women to become rude mother-in-laws and why do some people say that you should just accept it ?

Well, my mother in law is literally brain damaged due to a mostly successful aneurysm surgery 30 years ago. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with a 65 year old woman who acts like a spoiled 13 year old, but at least there’s an excuse.

Rude, controlling mothers can become rude, controlling mothers-in-law. There’s no great mystery to it. Luckily, this was not my experience nor is it the way I function.

Yes, these women don’t just morph into the MIL from hell the day after a wedding. They are all coping with some serious emotional and personality issues and always have been. I plan on being the best MIL in the world someday. I already have a testimonial from my daughters ex boyfriend who still gives me Xmas gifts and loves my good natured and easy going personality style.

A lot of these moms can’t let go of their control freakery and codependent ways. They never truly cut the cord and all you can do is set firm boundaries and keep your distance as much as is reasonable without setting off WW3. haha

Very good question.

When we were married, my wife was reasonably good until she went off the deep end.

Not that she’s a mother in law to our kids’ families, she’s turned. Lost sense of humor, very much a controller, has something to say about everything….the works.

I think it is loss of role identity. When the kids went to college, she had a lot less to do (although she worked), less responsibility, fewer people listening and obeying her, the works. So when the kids married, she decided to reassert her role – unrequested and undesired – as a means of feeling important and ‘needed’.

My mom and MIL never became rude, clingy, or controlling with us. My MIL did have a few years she was hating on me, mostly because her daughter was being a bitch to me and she went along.

I can’t imagine my mother ever being anything but nice to my husband. The only thing that would change it would be if he did something seriously dishonest or unethical. She doesn’t like people who lack integrity. Or, if my husband was awful to her. I can’t imagine that happening.

@elbanditoroso That’s interesting.

@Coloma You are the MIL I wish I had. Don’t even get me started on mine, makes my blood boil. WWIII? Ha! Wife and I are living in the post apocalyptic aftermath wasteland. If I ever leave my marriage or find myself in another life…I’m chasing your daughter sight unseen lol.