Is it safe for me to be a passenger with him driving ?

Hurting his feelings versus both of you getting mangled in a car wreck and hurting other people. I would not drive with him.

Perhaps offer to drive the car instead?
He is wanting you to be with him since he is still trying to exercise and get better.
His pride may be getting in the way as maybe he wants to be seen as stronger and protector of his wife and family?
Discuss with his Doctor and perhaps the doctor can explain better.

It looks like it’s time for him to get re-evaluated by the DMV as to whether or not he should still be licensed. You don’t say how his eyesight is. If his hearing is going and he is physically weak, his ability to react is probably shot, too.

I wouldn’t ride with him any more.

I wouldn’t get in the car with him.

If you don’t want to argue with him about it, is there someone else in your family that can bring up the subject with him?

Wow; thanks all of you. I will drive ; he said it’s ok. He needs to get out. I don’t.
His doctor is not the type you converse with. All he does is write scrips and try to send him to specialists.

If you have to ask, the answer must be no.

There’s a lot more involved with walking around for the legs than there ever is with driving. The mechanical effort involved with manipulating the 2 pedals is nothing compared to the skills and strength involved with walking around. I would also suggest that the issue of balance might well have more to do with your husband’s tendency toward falling, though muscle atrophy from the resistance to walking for fear of falling is certainly on the menu. Have you any chance of dumping your husband’s cavalier doctor in favor of someone capable of mounting at least the pretense of giving a damn?

No. My dad had/has similar problems. We convinced him to give up driving for good about 2 years ago.

He didn’t want to, and was very stubborn about it. After one very harrowing incident, that I won’t go into here, with him demanding to drive, I put my foot down, and my mother and my brother backed me up.

He was angry, but we explained multiple times about how dangerous his driving had become, for the same reasons you have mentioned.

After he reluctantly agreed, I told him that I would drive him anywhere he needed to go.

You may have to get tough and have a very unpleasant conversation with him. If you feel like he will yell at you, or refuse to give up driving, have a friend, relative, or even his doctor be with you when you have this conversation.

Make sure that you are prepared with the “alternatives” for when your husband inevitably complains that he needs to go here and there.

If you don’t drive, find a reliable friend, relative, or neighbor, or a network of those people who will be willing to drive him places, on short notice.

You should also check into using ridesharing programs like Uber and Lyft, and check with his doctor, or the local senior center about free or low cost shuttles that pick up seniors for shopping trips and doctor appointments.

Be armed with all of the alternatives, first, before you talk to him, otherwise you’ll get an earful of why he “needs” to drive. Have the alternatives ready to go.

Also be prepared to take and hide the keys. If he’a feisty, give the keys to a trusted friend, relative or neighbor, so hubby doesn’t rifle through your house looking for the keys.

Contact his doctor, and the DMV, and his auto insurance company, and ask them what else needs to be done.

If you will be the one who will mostly be driving him, don’t allow yourself to become resentful. Know that he will want and need to be driven here and there, even if it is sometimes inconvenient.

My dad has now let me drive him around for 2 years. His own brother refused to give up driving when he should have, and he accidentally ran my aunt down in their driveway, when the car rolled backward, he couldn’t figure out where the brake was, and the passenger door hit her and she broke her foot, and had abrasions all over her hands, and arms, and head. Luckily she wasn’t killed.

My dad took that incident to heart, and never complained again about not getting to drive his own car. I take him everywhere he needs to go, or else I go in my own car and do the errand myself, while I’m out doing other stuff. I’m pretty efficient when it comes to planning several different errands, for different people, and doing them in a reasonable amount of time. Everybody’s happy. Stuff gets done.

I also take my folks for drives that are just that. Let’s drive by the ocean, let’s go look at the wildflowers, let’s go eat lunch. Not every drive has to be about errands and doctor appointments : )

Best of luck to you Aster.

In my state you can call anonymously and report a person to the DMV. Something to consider if you want his license taken way, but you may not want that yet.

I think you should drive if you feel uneasy.

If you have ask NO !

@stanleybmanly how did you surmise that his doctor doesn’t care about him? That is what my daughter told me.

YOU told us that the doc is not someone you can talk with. But just as you imply HE is the first person you should ask regarding your husband’s driving limitations. In fairness, you should consider that his resistance to discussion of the topic may be due to perceived issues of future liability in certifying your husband capable of driving against the possibility of any future fender bender including those, totally unrelated to your husband’s condition. When you ask “should my husband be driving?” what he probably hears is “can you guarantee that my husband will never have an accident?” Since you haven’t mentioned any actual driving incidents that put you in a panic, my advice is to remember that there are plenty of folks who drive just fine, yet are unable to walk. The 2 of you of course must decide. But if you fear for your lives and your husband is intransigent, you can haul him in to the DMV for a driving test, the one place legally obligated to address the issue.

@stanleybmanly 10 GA’s ^^^ !

Thanks @stanleybmanly . I continue to hear words like , ” haul ” him to the DMV or “take him to his doctor. ” Stuff like that. He is very nice and easy to get along with to say the least but nobody takes or hauls him anywhere without his express written permission.
He is accident prone, though. He has proven that over the decades .

All the more reason for the doc not to stick his neck out. Is his driving getting worse, and if so are you alone in noticing it?