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deaddolly's avatar

What would your funeral be like?

Asked by deaddolly (3388 points ) October 29th, 2008

In keeping with the season (Day of the Dead/All Hallow’s), how do you think your funeral would be handled? Big? Small? Crying or celebration? I did a memorial celebration for a friend last year and was surprised to see the latest trend in funeral homes…they have a mini kitchen right in the wake area. Seems the trend is too serve snacks and beverages. Just wondering what everyone would hope their funerals would be like.

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52 Answers

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

Tavern. Party. Margaritas on the house. Carry my casket to the crematorium in the back of Jenn’s pick-up truck. It’s all good. Music by SRV and Warren Zevon.

Bluefreedom's avatar

If it was my funeral, it would be like they were saying goodbye to royalty. All the pall bearers carrying my coffin would be celebrities, the wake and the gathering after the burial would be catered, and my eulogy would probably be read by someone highly esteemed, like Maya Angelou.

Realistically, you’ll have to overlook the fact that I’m overblown and pretentious. They say that only the good die young and I’m not one of those so I don’t see a funeral anywhere in my future. And since I’m feeling pretty immortal right now, I decided to have a little fun with this answer. The devil made me do it! :o)

jholler's avatar

I imagine fire trucks, bagpipes, and guns. Whiskey afterwards.

Knotmyday's avatar

I despise funerals. For most people, they are extremely inconvenient and rife with unwarranted morbidity- very little return on a poor investment to begin with.

My will stipulates- immediate cremation, release of remains into international waters (Pacific), no funeral or memorial service whatsoever, simple greeting cards mailed to all family and friends thanking them for sharing my life.

And b’deyah b’deyah b’deyah, That’s all, Folks!

Harp's avatar

Funerals are for those left behind and need to be aimed at their needs, not those of the corpse. One of those needs is to get some of the grieving out of the way so that life can move on. I just hope that the folks who get stuck dealing with my messy aftermath can focus on doing whatever they feel they need to do, and not worry about “what I would have wanted”.

noraasnave's avatar

I want my ‘funeral’ to be the most economical way that I can get disposed off. I think it is currently cremation, but I don’t want my remains to be in a common location, I am no more sacred dead than I was alive, as a matter of fact I believe much less so. So I would like a complete stranger to dump my remains somewhere that can never be identified.

I would rather my family be less confused about my actual location. I will be in the afterlife. I haven’t done anything in the ‘traditional’ fashion why have my ‘funeral’ done that way?

I would have a playlist of songs that I enjoyed and lived by, arranged to help people say goodbye to me, and remember my joy and my hunger for life.

I would have letters read to each of my children, encouraging them to chase their individual dreams, and letting them know that I was proud of them since their first squeals, and will be proud of them for all eternity and honored that God chose me for them, and that I look forward to seeing them when the time is right, but they need to live slowly, full and strong for now.

I would have letters for my true love letting her know that life is short and her contract was fulfilled with honor. My letters to her will hold the tricks to reaching high shelves, and how to hit the starter so the car keeps working for a few more miles, and all my secret recipes, and my favorite memories with her.

I would have a letter for her next husband, I will have to pray and ask about what to put in this one…maybe some general advice and probably a few prayers for him, and my blessing.

For my inlaws I would invariably have a letter, detailing how boundaries work and how they protect people on both sides, and how win-win compromises work.

For my parents (If they are alive still) I would have a letter thanking them for their mostly unconditional love and acceptance and for their advice and I would tell my father that I am not better than him and I wish he would have opened up to me, but it is not too late to open up to my brothers. That I am so proud of the adults they have become.

Thanks for the good question!

deaddolly's avatar

@nora you’re welcome, thanks for your answer!

It seems releasing a person’s cremated remains, in certain bodies of water, is illegal. It was illegal for me to scatter my neighbor ashes in his beloved lake area. but i did it anyway

Bri_L's avatar

Gathering of family at home. Kids all over. Warm laughter.

More cheese than was ever there before because I wasn’t there to eat it, and my Brother there to comment on such.

poofandmook's avatar

If I died now, the services would be crowded. That’s all I know. It might be the only time my dad has ever cried in his life.

KatawaGrey's avatar

If I died right now, I would want a simple ceremony wherein my mom and a few people of her choosing would scatter my ashes, preferably on the Colorado prairieland, followed by not so much a memorial service as my friends sitting around talking about all the good times they had with me. After my grandfather died, my greatest comfort was hearing how many lives he had touched and how many people shared in my grief and I would want that for my mom and my family and my friends. Also, I would want at least one person close by who could just go over to my house and be with my mom when she needed it.

GAMBIT's avatar

I would like to be golfing when my funeral is taking place.

Darwin's avatar

Simple and cheap. I don’t plan to be there so the frills don’t matter.

susanc's avatar

I need to tell an illustrative story now.

A few years ago, making my will, I was asked to write a funeral directive. The lawyer read it carefully. It stipulated that a whole list of maybe 25 people should have plane tickets paid for out of the estate so they could come to the party I hoped would happen on our little beach. It would have cost a mint. The lawyer looked up and asked, “Have you considered that having this party NOW?” (I didn’t bother.)

@Harp: can be helpful for survivors to have some guidelines from the Missing Person. They’re busy crying, they can’t be as creative as usual. It’s nice to be able to give someone you love what they wanted. Can you make something up? Or even plan it with your presumptive survivors? My husband used to tell us he wanted to be burned in a boat set adrift on the water, like a Viking. We would all laugh about it together. He later amended it. But discussing it was good for all of us.

krose1223's avatar

Shots for everyone! I don’t want people to be sad when I die. They can have their moment, but by the time my funeral comes around I just want people to sit around and laugh. I want anybody to be able to say what they want or tell whatever story about me they so choose. I don’t want my family to spend a lot of money on it because I’m dead… why would I care what my funeral is like? I plan on being cremated so really if they just want to have a little get together at the house I’d be fine with that.

Harp's avatar

Good point susanc

deaddolly's avatar

@krose you need to let them know that!

I want mine to be a celebration of my life. Tho I know it’ll be super hard for my family. I’d rather just have a very small gathering—forget the ppl who I never see. I hate when they come out of the woodwork. TELL THE PPL YOU CARE ABOUT THEM WHILE THEY’RE STILL BREATHING!!!
I also don’t believe in spending a lot of money on funerals (or weddings). Cremation and an inexpensive urn. I want to be kept on a shelf somewhere so I can see what’s going on. sounds dumb, but that’s what I want. That’s where my mom is; right in the middle of our house…that’s where she’d want to be.
I also plan on haunting ppl…

krose1223's avatar

@deaddolly that is pretty much exactly how I feel. I’ve told my sisters and others close to me, but I think it’s just hard for them to understand. I don’t want a REAL funeral because I don’t want people to come and act like they knew me and just try to get attention from MY deah. Sheesh. Death is just another step forward in life… It’s sad, but it happens.

deaddolly's avatar

@krose I agree. The hardest thing about death for me will be knowing how my daughter will handle it.

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

Wow, already planning my death? I go 6 feet under for a couple of months, I come back, and it seems that I’m going to go back under again (joking)

augustlan's avatar

Buried in a plain pine box, with a nice (but not fancy) headstone. Followed by a good old-fashioned Irish wake.

jessturtle23's avatar

I hope they build a small ship while talking about all of the fun we have had and put me in the boat, set it ablaze, and push me off. That or either something like in the big lebowski when walter ends up talking about nam and when they dump my ashes the wind blows me right in their faces.

flameboi's avatar

With jazz, martinis/wine and sushi, the way my life has been so far :)

Lightlyseared's avatar

I’m not going to have one as I don’t intend on dying.

Comedian's avatar

ok, I like dark stuff right (I’m not goth though), but this is just awful!

beccalynnx's avatar

cremate me, grab a joint, and remember me.

i don’t want a formal regular funeral. my life is grand, my death will be grand. i don’t want people crying over my dead body. i want them to just remember me, laugh about fun times with me. and then be glad that i’ve gone somewhere else.

scamp's avatar

I have no special wishes, except for having one paticular song played. Other than that, I told my daughter to do whatever she feels comfortable doing. I don’t want her to waste a bunch of money disposing of my remains.

wundayatta's avatar

I want the mourners to gather someplace beautiful in nature. Each should bring something—anything that reminds them of me, which will be placed in a suitable setting with other memory objects to make a collage-like sculpture.

Then I want them to do a couple of things, besides partying. I want my musician friends to do a jam in my memory, and I want there to be a circle where everyone gets the chance to share a memory about me.

Afterwards: good food (pot luck?), music, dance, and conversation (things I find most fun).

Three hours ought to do it. Maybe longer, if they’re having fun.

PIXEL's avatar

My funeral would happen before I die when I’m old so I can hear good things about myself before I’m dead. And it wouldn’t be all sad and boring.

b's avatar

I hope it would only be my closest friends and family. Then they would set me (or my urn) aflame in a wooden boat and push me out to sea. Then they would party it up and laugh and cry over the good times we had. There would be lots of food and booze for everyone to enjoy.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

my ashes spread in the sea so I can flow in the ocean forever.

Friends talking about all the highlights in my life. Comically.

MacBean's avatar

My only rules for my funeral are “no Jesus music” and “everyone has to wear yellow.” Not head-to-toe yellow. But everyone has to have some visible yellow.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

I have mine all planned out: cremation, ashes dumped in specific location. Memorial service with favorite food, music. I’ve even put together a CD as a “party favor.” Daughter has instructions, as do several backup individuals.

eatmunky's avatar

Any of these:

1. Huge metal show, Lamb of God headlining. Pictures of me doing weird things (like my avatar) in the background.

2. Huge crazy techno dance party. A la Daft Punk at coachella. With pictures of me doing weird things in the background.

3. Send me off into space on a trajectory for the nearest known earth-like planet. (Or as close as I can get)

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

I can’t die…well maybe, like the saying goes “that which is dead, can eternal lie, yet even with the strangest stead, even death may die”

tabbycat's avatar

I don’t want a funeral, but a nice, inexpensive, low-key party with friends would be nice. Those are the memorial services I have enjoyed most when friends have died.

Judi's avatar

I want it to be a party, a “Homecoming Celebration.” Songs, laughter, and an assurance that I am singing with the angels.

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

playing poker with dogs.

scubydoo's avatar

it would prob be the only thing I would be early to in my life.

kruger_d's avatar

Somber Lutheran service, followed by reception with funeral sandwiches (the triagular ones with Cheez Whiz and olive slices). Then pack my cremains into enormous fireworks, and have a big show.

wrestlemaniac3's avatar

I didn’t know we were still following this thread.

AtSeDaEsEpPoAoSnA's avatar

My funeral, not the altered part of the thread

tiffyandthewall's avatar

call me morbid, but i frequently think about the mix i want playing at mine/the ‘after party’ haha. i don’t want everyone to be HAPPY that i’m dead, but i do hope everyone’s able to find some sort of happiness in it.
i totally want kill all your friends by my chem to be the main song though, especially if a lot of people i hadn’t talked to in years showed up.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I’ve always joked that I’d be cremated and have my ashes mixed with a pound of marijuana, so I could make my friends feel good just one more time. Seriously, I would want a small gathering of the few people who were truly my friends, my family, and they would be subjected to having to listen to the music I loved, which is mostly classical, but some rock, and a few of the primo symphonies written by my dear friend Dale. There would be food, drink, a lot of story telling and close companionship, because that was what I liked in life. the after funeral orgy would be of course optional. :-)

Sakata's avatar

“What would your funeral be like?”

From my perspective… quiet.

makemo's avatar

I haven’t thought so much about the ceremony itself, but I wouldn’t mind something pompous and festive. The current version of my funeral plan goes something like:

In a cave-like room, or large niche, carved out in coastal mountain, facing the ocean horizon. Me, preserved in solid glass, conversing with the sea.

And for all time to come, my current and future relatives, as well as those feeling close to me, will come and visit me in a rowing-boat now and then, throwing flowers in the sea.

An ultimate wish would be, if they, too, would care to join me there, when their time is in…

LouisianaGirl's avatar

Sad teary but full of bright colors LSU and my family and friends because that describes my personality and that would make me really happy and everyone who knows me would know that. But I know so many people that it would be crowded.

borderline_blonde's avatar

I don’t want a funeral, but I’ll leave it up to whoever I leave behind. I’m guessing I won’t care much once I’m dead, but they will.

Just_Justine's avatar

I’d want it to be a gathering of all my extra ordinary mates, video footage of the hilarious times we had, and which they have got. Loads of laughter about the fun things we did. I’d even like it to be a fancy dress, like a mad hatters tea party. I would like people to comfort my son and say I was an OK person. So he’d feel a bit proud.

Imagineer's avatar

I wont care. I’m dead.

I just hope its small.

JenniferP's avatar

I wouldn’t want to be lied about and be talked about like I was so virtuous when I am not. Not that I have led a bad life or anything. I just hate it how no matter who it is that dies gets a eulogy and people say they were saintlike. I would want people to be honest about me. I would like to be cremated. I don’t want people looking at me when I am dead. I want them to remember me as I lived.

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