Why are men given kudos for having multiple relations and women frowned upon?

I don’t give kudos either way. Both seem wrong to me.

I used to have a co-worker that bragged all the time about all the women he dated and how he hid several women from his regular girlfriend. I had very little respect for him and his disrespectful view of, and treatment, of women in general. I found his behavior rather shallow and crude.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always preferred having monogamous relationships as opposed to dating several different people. I’m not envious of others who have ‘had’ many women because I don’t need that to be happy. I’ve met some people who see that as a status symbol because they are conquests and I find that distasteful.

I don’t know all the reasons why women get labeled the way they do for dating multiple people but I don’t think it’s fair in a lot of cases and it’s also a really bad stereotype, in my opinion.

I, personally, don’t give anyone kudos for boning people, but that’s just me.
But, I don’t know why people do that.

@Facade “boning people.” hehe

Ever heard of “man whore” or a “male slut”?

I don’t envy men for all the women they have sex with, and I’m a woman. Do you mean other men envy the Casanovas? And is it other men who are calling women these names or do you feel that everyone says bad things about women who behave similarly?

Because I think it’s all ridiculous. If consenting adults are being careful and are upfront with their partners about what’s going on between them, then no one should be calling anyone names, especially in this day and age. “Whore,” indeed. And I don’t understand what the point is of bragging about all the sex one’s getting.

@aprilsimnel Yes, I’m more referring to groups within the same sex. Men encouraging men for “getting some” and women calling other women whores. Why is one ok and one not? Sorry, I should have phrased the question better.

They’re not.

I don’t praise people who sleep around. No matter the gender.

I don’t really think this is true anymore.

Men who are applauded for having multiple relationships are immature

Hey, Blue, wanna get monogamous? ;)

historically, men spread widely and women spread wisely.
that’s how my psych teacher put it. but it’s not an excuse for being a manwhore, just an explanation.

@asmonet. Absolutely. I’m ready whenever you are. =)

@Bluefreedom: Teehee! ;)

@tinyfaery: or a “himbo”.

It doesn’t matter whether your the hotdog or the hallway – it’s whorish either way.

@tinyfaery I’ve only heard those terms in the gay community.

wow it seems that most of you are from another planet. As if males bragging about their success with women isnt something to be recognized. I don’t think anyone has attempted to answer the question.

I am assuming that your question implies that the relationships do not happen at the same time.

I think that when a guy can get a lot of women, it means that he has good control of the game. “He’s got game” is something I would refer to if a man can communicate well and lead a woman to sleep with him. I see it as a great skill. However, if a girl (and not just any girl it must be an attractive girl) chooses to sleep with many men, it might happen that she has no stabdards and is only doing it because it comes so easily to her. In which case I would refer to her as a whore.

@tigran I figured @tiffyandthewall summed it up nicely. Men are programmed to spread their seed to as many women as they can. The main attribute here is strength (formerly “physical”, but today is usually “successful”). The strongest man gets the chicks; therefore, his genes are passed on. It’s natural to look up to him.

Women, on the other hand, are the ones who decide if the man is strong enough. There is always the chase. If he’s not good enough, no offspring. Women who let just any guy breed with her is weakening the species (the dirty slut-whore).

@tigran: I have some moisturizer for those knuckles if you need it.

Whether it’s fair or not, the sexual double standard still exists. Guys hi-five each other and see getting laid as something to brag about. Women are supposed to be just as sexually liberated as men, but all of the men I know look down on women who are casual about sex (and by casual, I mean having sex outside of a serious relationship). It shouldn’t be that way, but it still is.

As for the “why,” there’s the standard answer that men are biologically programmed to spread their seed around while women are biologically programmed to be monogamous and raise children in a secure environment with a male provider. Personally, I think that’s a bad excuse probably thought up by some scientist who got caught cheating on his wife. Historically, women were supposed to be “pure” until their wedding night while men could do what they wanted, as long as they were discreet. A lot of that has changed, and if you watch enough TV you’d think that women who fall into bed with every man they are attracted to aren’t subjected to words like “slut” and “whore.” In the real world, however, I think it’s still more acceptable for men to have a long list of partners, but not women.

@cprevite I don’t get it..

@ru2bz46: that’s a fair point, I just don’t think it explained it in our socio-cultural context

@MissAusten The biological answer is valid. Look at the animal kingdom, and you see the same behavior of spreading and rejecting. We are still animals regardless of what society has done to hide some of that fact. Being civilized has just made us create justifications for it (“pure” women and cheating scientists).

@tigran – Please. I know many people in the world who hold that opinion and I think it’s ridiculous. Why would a woman need any more standards than the man today?

So you’re telling me that a very physically attractive woman, who will get her pick of the best-looking dudes by definition, is a whore and “has no standards” for sleeping with as many men as she likes, but a guy who does the same has “game?” Get the fuck outta here. That makes no sense. What do you mean it’s “easier” for her? Because she’s pretty? An equally attractive man also doesn’t need any game! He will also have his pick of women to sleep with.

Such a double-standard makes no sense in the age of the Pill and the Ring. Since there’s no breeding going on. Sometimes, women just want to get laid. Just like men want to get laid. Where is this assumption coming from that if a woman wants to have sex, she’s obviously going to sleep with just any old passing dude? Because that’s what a man would do and men extrapolate that mindset onto women? And if a woman did think and behave “like a man” sexually, who’s business is that? Why? Is this some sort of warped male ego trip thing being played out by attempting to shame women? No, sir, I don’t like it.

And before anyone gets any ideas, my personal behavior borders on prudish, but I will stand up for the right of people to get all the enjoyment out of life that they can, provided everyone’s communicating clearly with each other and are consenting adults.

@aprilsimnel: I’m not even going to read past your second paragraph. I never said a girl that chooses to sleep with the best looking man is a whore, quite the opposite. And any attractive guy that sleeps with the first girl that likes him but is not really up to his standard would be a whore too. Some people enjoy being whores. Accepting it is the solution.

@susanc has been crafting for a while. I’m expecting good things.

@tigran – Why is that whorish? People are doing what they want as consenting adults. No one’s getting paid! People who do it for pay are called whores. Why the judgement? People ought to mind their own business and tend to their own gardens.

susanc—I have been staying up past my bedtime, waiting, waiting, waiting.

@aprilsimnel people want to do lots of different things, which give them pleasure. Some are good ideas and some are bad. Sleeping with someone below your standard, just because you want to have sex, is a bad choice in my honest opinion.

@susanc: Are you also cooking a six course meal? Get on with it. I am falling asleep in EST. xox

I’m sorry, lead a woman to sleep with him?
I’m done reading those posts.

Ha, another gem caught my eye, you think the woman is a whore, because she’s less attractive?

What the fuck are you on?

@asmonet: women like to be challenged, so leading is the best word i could come up with on my iphone. Suit yourself!

I never said a less attractive woman is a whore… english is not my first language.. maybe you’re just reading what you want to read… ignore me please.

We do not like being lead.
Chauvinist bullshit left and right from you.

@tigran “Sleeping with someone below your standard… is a bad choice.” I can not believe you just said that. Who is to decide who is beneath you and who is above you? I see where cprevite got that you were dragging your knuckles.

@tigran – I’m not sure that was the original question, but we’ll have to agree to disagree on your point. I’m just not willing to judge people for something as minor as beer goggles at the end of the night at a bar or some situation like that. So someone ended up with a 5 for a night and not a 9.875. So what? After all, Jude Law’s life went on, didn’t it? And who makes that call, anyway?

no one needs to judge another’s standards. If a pretty girl wants to sleep with someone because of his amazing ability to play a flute, its her choice, and perhaps that’s part of her standard. It doesn’t have to be about looks. If you sincerely think about my response, you will realize that we can be our own judge and set such standards to follow. When we fail to follow the standards we give in, and become whorish. I’m done trying to explain myself.

I have no interest in contemplating anything you’ve said.
You might want to remove your leg from your mouth.

@aprilsimnel: Who said whore’s don’t have lives? Maybe its too harsh of a word to accept. But surely there is a behavior like it, and I see no problem in calling it out.

@chyna: glad someone got the reference.

@tigran: You say English is not your first language. May I ask where you’re from?

I think @susanc is writing the Gettysberg Address

@cprevite No thanks. I don’t appreciate your personal attacks.

men spreading their seed…women who sleep around have no standards…whores, manhores…lots of judgment without much support is what I’m hearing…you want to know why? it’s called a double standard…when one group is excused for doing what another would be punished for and the reasons are multiple, none of them fair, no matter how much you think ‘spreading one’s seed’ is somehow an excuse…why don’t we just stop assuming that all men do is follow animal instincts and all women do is give in? why don’t we remember that we’re more complex than that and that many of us sleep around for a variety of reasons and that the madonna/whore complex placed on women and the men are their dicks complex placed on men are both sorrily played the hell out

@cprevite Someone needs to see if susanc has fallen asleep at the computer.

I agree with everything aprilsimnel said!

Seems like the brain should be able to control the seed speading instinct.

@tigran: I was simply using humor to point out how short-sighted your opinion is. I asked where you are from, because I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt – perhaps something was lost in translation.

As Simone points out, these stereotypes are played out – the behavior should solicit your response, not the gender. If, in your opinion, “sleeping around” is “whorish” or not, then the gender is irrelevant.

@chyna: she must be drooling on the keyboard by now. @susanc: WAKE UP. For the love of Pete…wake up.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir The question is asking why those standards are applied. It’s easy to answer from a biological perspective. I’m not saying that is why men or women sleep around, just that we are programmed at a base level to act in the traditional roles.

Because of changing societal norms, our own behaviors IRL are not necessarily what our biology would have us do. For instance, my wife likes to sleep with many of the men she meets (most of whom are far from being the top of the species) while I can’t even fathom the thought of going outside our all-but-finished marriage. I’m not judging anybody’s sexual behavior outside of a “committed” relationship, though in my wife’s case, I love her dearly, but she’s a slut.

@ru2bz46
I understand what you’re saying. However, as you said, our biology is not all that we’re about, as humans who have in many many ways trespassed nature. And even in terms of our nature, we’re not as monogamous (men and women) as many believe. Futhermore, I don’t care what biological reasons there are for patriarchy or sexism or double standards, it is not RIGHT to simply not examine these issues just because ‘we just can’t help it ‘cause we’re animals’...finally, to consider this only in terms of men and women needing each other is heternormative when in fact there are plenty of other sexualities and sexual behaviours…also, I’m sorry about your wife, but one person does not humanity make

susanc? Hello? What do you reckon, she went to sleep, perhaps, and didn’t close out? I hope?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I thought I just agreed that biology wasn’t ruling us anymore. Yes, we choose to do what we want. Biology may steer us one way, but our brains allow us to go another direction if we so choose. However, to answer the question, I think biology is what’s putting the thoughts in our collective heads to say that men are heroes and women are sluts. Again, it is our brains that allow some of us to say, “Screw you! ...and you, and you, and you, and…you.”

Come to think of it, I think I’ll take advantage of @susanc while she’s asleep. ;-) ... Did that get her attention? Damn. You OK in there?

A community in waiting – we now enter day thirty-five of SusanWatch

Because until recently, and in developed societies, men have had all the money. They could buy women. Women had no money. They couldn’t buy men and so people assumed that if they were messing around, they were being bought.

@cprevite and all my other admirers: thanks. I was called away on an urgent sociopolitical mission.

@tigran: you’re silly.

@asmonet: sometimes we just can’t win….

@susanc – Huzzah!

@susanc Lurves just for rejoining us!

bows to the left, bows to the right, feels lurved all over… might be a whore

Well, all I know is that sex with one woman is fun, and makes me feel like a person. Sex with more than one woman (in proximal time) is even more fun, and makes me feel like a valued person. When I hear about a guy having sexual relationships with several women, I turn a little bit green

Of course, other things are valuable to me, like having a family, making my wife happy, taking care of our kids together, and a number of other things. Overall, the security stuff is more important than the fun stuff. However, when the security stuff becomes really awful: lonely and frigid; the fun stuff starts to look much more attractive. It is a desperate way to fix the pain. Nevermind that it’s like a paint job. Looks nice on the outside, but it doesn’t fix any of the problems underneath.

I have no idea how much my opinions reflect those of other men. I think some men are like me, and others are fairly different. I don’t really trust many folks when they discuss their moral views publicly. I know some of them behave quite differently in private than they say in public.

So it’s hard for me to know what people really think. I don’t know why few people who believe non-standard things are willing to say so. So many hide it, by espousing the party line on morality. I understand that people want to protect themselves, but sometimes, I think people should say that maybe the morality doesn’t work if they can’t live by that rule.

Anyway, I’ve seen people twist themselves all around to justify one version of morality while acting quite differently in private.

When men slap each other on the back for sleeping around, several things are going on. On the surface, there is the misogynistic “let’s get over on the uppity chicks” kind of thinking. Then again, men who respect women also think, perhaps privately, that the men who are sleeping with several women are getting what they wish they could have.

Then there are men who are totally down with that moral code, and would never cheat even if they had a free opportunity. Some of them are religious, and some of them have come to this opinion via their own personal code of ethics.

The double standard (men get to sleep around and women don’t) probably has another complicated set of reasons. I know that I get jealous, whereas when I’m doing something most people don’t approve of, I trust myself, and I know I’m not going to leave my mate. This is about something else. Even if I knew that about her, I don’t know if I could stand it, because I’d be worried that she’d leave. I mean, aren’t all those other guys better than me?

Well, I’ll stop here. I’m meandering around enough, and I don’t think I’ve gotten very far. Maybe another day.

@ru2bz46
you said “I think biology is what’s putting the thoughts in our collective heads to say that men are heroes and women are sluts”
biology isn’t an entity that can do that
but you know who can do that: people
people pass to other people these kinds of ideas
both of sexism and of gender roles
it’s almost as if no one is doing it but everyone’s doing it

@Simone_De_Beauvoir You don’t think that we get any of our behavior (whether we choose to go with it or ignore it) from our biological instincts?

@ru2bz46
that’s not true, I never said that
my background is in biology and anthropology
therefore I believe in a combination of nurture and nature
but you said it as if biology is responsible for this double standard
and i just don’t think all that many people actually know crap about biology
but they know crap other people tell them, their parents and peers
and how to fit into the ‘collective’ properly
look i’m not saying there isn’t a subconscious urge to spread the seed or whatever
i just refuse to accept it as an excuse
and i choose to rise above my animal nature

Ah yes, the age-old question that pertainsto sexism and chauvenism.

I, for one, am not amused by adultery, period.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thanks for clarifying. It seemed as though you were ignoring biology entirely. I agree that people are believing what others are saying, but they are also listening to their nature telling them that it is true. We are supposed to breed conscientiously (biologically speaking), and women are the gatekeepers, so to speak. When they ignore that biological (and to some degree societal) duty, they are chastised for it. I believe that the chastisement is, in part, directed from the biological need to breed wisely (to keep the species strong). All the birth control, disease prevention, etc., though it allows women to be freer with their sexual appetites, does not change the perception that she is shirking her gatekeeper duties (in people’s subconscious minds).

@ru2bz46
well put and it is an interesting statement, for sure
but I think people just think women shouldn’t do what men get to do
just in general
and when women ‘play’ men the way men ‘play women’, people——both men and women…get worked up…it’s just not ‘normal’ to them but i like what you present as the reason for this…

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Trust me, I wish it wasn’t like that. When I was single, I wanted women to be more open. Now, I don’t care, but that’s just my selfish side ‘cause I ain’t any anyhow. ;-)

@daloon lurve for a great answer

Who’s the slut that’s asking? ~_~
J/K

@SeventhSense I dont know, but they never came back to the thread. Kind of a “hit and run” type question.

Because it’s a lot harder for the average guy to get laid than it is for an ugly woman.

@chyna
Ya I came to this site by wandering in here too and probably would have wandered out. The only difference is I can’t find the door!

In answer to the question, it is probably as Jack Haas mentions. From a primitive perspective it is actually a man’s biological drive to mate with as many women as possible. But from a women’s perspective other than safety and protection during childbirth it doesn’t make sense to have a lot of men around at all, since one can fertilize thousands. Biological competition through competing men assures a healthy breeding population though. The intricacies of mating rituals, courtship and mind games assure that men with certain qualities can mate. If one can do so without necessarily impregnating women, it is seen as an exception in that one passed through the challenge of the entrance exam without being ensnared by the tender trap. :)

@SeventhSense You can check out anytime you want, you just can’t leave

Noo!!!!!!
The vagina monster!!!!

Vagina monster? You mean…Vagina Dentata? (Can’t believe I dredged that phrase up from some long ago lit class, but it is fun to say.)

@chyna
Like a Venus Fly trap, I’m drawn back again and again. It’s the Great Mother, the womb of creation, the Goddess, and the Queen of the Universe.

We all have our crosses to bear.

God I love women

Where did this become about women and vagina monsters?

@SeventhSense You are seriously off topic.
hehehe

@chyna
@Zen
It’s on topic. It’s all about multiple relationships with vagina…..attached to females of course. :)
Artwork courtesy of the famous R. Crumb…perhaps the greatest comic book artist ever

@SeventhSense She is scary.

He always liked huge beastly women.
Talk about scary and it only gets more twisted.