General Question

wundayatta's avatar

What am I? Chopped liver?

Asked by wundayatta (58354 points ) April 15th, 2009

Has there been a time (or times) when you felt completely ignored? Insignificant? Not worth anyone’s time? I’m not talking depression here. This is about situational feelings. You feel like nothing because of what is happening.

Where was it? Who were you with? What happened to make you feel this way? How did it feel?

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36 Answers

nebule's avatar

I can’t believe no-one has answered this yet

when i was going out with a man my family hated i felt insignificant, ignored and totally looked down upon…although I think i probably ostrasized myself from them because I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror…still one would have hoped they could have been…more…open perhaps… less…judgemental?

but yes I felt so so so so very alone…to the point that I stayed with him for years because he was all i felt i had… i wasn’t worth anyone’s time…

Facade's avatar

Yea, it sucks. I tell myself I don’t need their validation (and I don’t really).

Judi's avatar

@daloon, not exactly chopped liver, but maybe tripe, like Menudo.

SeventhSense's avatar

I’m sorry daloon what were you saying? :0)

Dorkgirl's avatar

My one sister-in-law has this amazing ability to discount almost anything I say. I can say the sky is blue and she’ll disagree with me or tell me it’s not true. I can say I read something in the newspaper or heard something on TV and she’ll tell me I’m wrong.
This pisses me off but I never confront her ‘cuz I don’t want to stir the waters. It makes me feel like crap and then I resent her for that.

nebule's avatar

oh…my dad frequently ignores me when my son is around.. I can be talking and talking and talking…and he’ll just completely ignore me… he adores his grandson…more than anything I think :-(

galileogirl's avatar

Daloon: you will always be the best chopped liver, that’s what’s important. I’ve got some nice crackers and am ready to prove it.

YARNLADY's avatar

When I take the kids to an expensive amusement park and they run off for the rest of the day, leaving me to sit around all by myself. I make them meet me for meals, and that’s all I get.

When Hubby and I walk the dog, he goes off and leaves me walking all alone.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I’ve actually just had a fight with two of my roommates wherein they told me my boyfriend was over too much and that they can hear us having sex. Now, these rooms are so terribly built that I can hear the people upstairs when they shower and walk around. I apologized and told them we wouldn’t have sex in the room anymore (we have three weeks of school left). Later, when I tried to air my grievances (when pushed to do so) my roommate got very angry and defensive. So, yeah, I feel like they can tell me to do whatever they want but when I tell them something, I’m childish and stupid for bringing it up.

SeventhSense's avatar

@YARNLADY
Do I have to play the violin for you?

3or4monsters's avatar

Often times, when I talk to my boss (reporting in, as it were), he’ll interrupt me mid-sentence with something totally unrelated, proving that he wasn’t listening to me in the first place.

I will spend half my day asking him if X project is done, if he’d contact so-and-so about X project, etc. Then, when the customer calls asking why the project isn’t done, he turns to me and says, “Well??” and I have to explain that I’d been nagging him about it all day to complete it. He sometimes remembers this. Other times he scolds me for not keeping him on task.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

I went out late on Friday night with friends to hear music. I got home around 3:00 am, and no one asked me where I was.

cyndyh's avatar

I’m pretty easy going about a lot of things, but there are times when people just assume that whatever will be fine with me and everyone else seems to get asked what they want except me. There have also been times when people will just assume that I’ll help out with something, because I usually do, or that I’ll do a big cooking thing but it’s ok for someone else to bring a frikkin bag of chips. I mean, damn, do me the consideration of asking.

I don’t want to feel like I’m the workhorse and sidekick of the group all at one time. This happened a few times within a short period of time until I got really good at saying “no” even when the question didn’t get asked.

Knotmyday's avatar

The situation is… someone asks me a question, and while I’m answering it, someone nearby cuts in in the middle of my discourse. I HATE being interrupted. My response is usually “EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, I WASN’T FINISHED” which of course makes me look like a dick.
I work with a lot of type-A personalities, and it happens quite a bit.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I and my old boss were at a pitch meeting with a big client. I had an idea for a sales video concept and brought it up. My boss interrupted and steamrolled over me with some blather. He brought up my idea as though it were his not 30 seconds later. Only one of the women on the client side noted it, and unfortunately for for my boss, she was the decision-maker. We didn’t get the gig, and I never told him why. I never spoke up for myself at the time either. I’d handle things differently now.

filmfann's avatar

@Judi Menudo? At least you would be good for hang-overs.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

A few years back I gained a lot of weight to where my own family would say they didn’t think I looked like myself anymore and when I went out in public, I did feel invisible and insignifigant. I can’t say how much of my perception was self loathing and how much was real just that it felt real.

wundayatta's avatar

Actually, I wasn’t thinking about myself when I asked this question (which shows how far I’ve come). I was thinking about a companion question to the importance question.

Of course, there have been times when I’ve felt like chopped liver, or tripe, or a potted plant, but mostly, I think, those have been self-inflicted. Depression, I have learned, does that to you. When I was on Askville, I would periodically change my name and avatar, wondering if anyone would notice. It never seemed like anyone did, so I felt like I didn’t matter. That was pretty childish, but I was in a very needy place, looking for reasons not to disappear, everywhere.

I did that once here, but that was different. Not because I felt like chopped liver, but because I was really angry at the moderators and one decision they’d made concerning me. It was an overreaction, and probably also greased by a flare-up of depression, although, I was really angry. People did notice that time, but it didn’t really help my cause. I’m not sure anyone ever really understood why I reacted so strongly.

mattbrowne's avatar

Science and math is not considered very cool when you’re 14-year-old kid.

cyndyh's avatar

Just for the record, daloon. A lot of people noticed over there, but it often seemed like a side issue to whatever was being discussed and people would try to stay on topic and/or you seemed like you didn’t want it mentioned or discussed so people stopped saying anything after a while. It wasn’t anything to do with you being chopped liver. It was more about people trying to respect either the forum (I know that sounds funny now) or your stated wishes. Cheers!

SeventhSense's avatar

@daloon
I think I realize why you left a few weeks back. Because your question was actually quite profound with a poignant self reflection and it was dismissed as silly at face value, which it certainly was not.

wundayatta's avatar

@SeventhSense. Thank you for saying that. I did feel very strongly about it, obviously. It was anger and protest that sent me away this time. Very different from what was happening a year ago.

@cyndyh, yes, I know, now, that they noticed. I was not in a state, then, to see that. I was doing everything backwards. For example, desperately wanting attention and love, yet shoving it away when people offered it. That’s the crazy logic of mania or depression. I had no idea what it seemed to other people I was doing. I just couldn’t see it.

Well, that’s not quite true. I did see how it didn’t make sense, but I couldn’t stop it. I think I was trying to make things worse, because I had no idea why I felt so bad. I could only feel bad, I thought, if I was bad. So I had to be mean to people, in my own, particular, plok/zhop/nichevo-ish (bad/ass/nothing)way. Even in my names, I was beating myself up. “Daloon” is not exactly a totally healthy way of thinking of myself, but it is better than that. And hell, I is what I is. Might as well try to be proud of it!

cyndyh's avatar

@daloon: I can see how that could be the case in your view. I just have a thing about stating it when I see things differently. If it helps at all, I think there were a lot of people who read what you wrote there, as there are here, even when you’re in a state to not want to recognize that. Cheers!

Sloane2024's avatar

My entire life my father had made me feel this way, up until I moved to boarding school to escape him. At a very young age I’d sit beside him on the couch, trying to tell him about my day at school, the A I made on my math test, or the new puppy my best friend just got. In all the years I spent striving to acquire a glance of interest from him, never once do I recall him ever diverting his eyes from the television to respond to my efforts. The only acknowledgment I remember is his interrupting me mid-sentence with an outstretched arm, an empty glass at the end of it, indicating that he wanted more unsweet tea.

No better way to crush a little girl’s heart than for her daddy to treat her like she doesn’t exist.

3or4monsters's avatar

@Sloane2024 That’s awful. I hope that you don’t feel like that now, that you don’t exist.

kruger_d's avatar

The is an interesting movie, La Moustache, in which the main character shaves his moustache and nobody notices, including his wife.

Sloane2024's avatar

@3or4monsters No, I do not. He is no longer a pivotal part of my life, giving me the opportunity to move on and embrace the “me” he kept smothered for so long.

amoreno06's avatar

i’m the middle child with the best grades out of my family.
yet i still get none of the privileges my brother and sister seem to get. my parents both have their favorites and i, of course, am not either one of theirs. FML haha

MissAnthrope's avatar

When I go to bars, I usually feel pretty invisible. Doesn’t really matter what kind of bar I go to, straight or gay.. it sucks. I may not be super-hot, but I know I’m not ugly.. and I think I’m a pretty interesting person. What hurts even more is when I try to talk to people, just being friendly, and I get blown off or ignored. :\

Really, I just want to be acknowledged.. the invisible feeling is really horrible. It’s like, what’s the point of my existing?

cyndyh's avatar

@AlenaD : I see you. :^>

Maybe it’s something in your approach and not your look. I don’t know. I’m not what most guys would call good-looking. At best I’m “sorta cute” or “someone who used to be sorta cute” -depending on their age. It’s rare for me to get blown off when just being friendly to people. If a guy thinks I’m hitting on him, that’s a very different reaction than when it’s clear I’m just being friendly. Is it possible your approach is being misinterpreted?

Or maybe you’re just remembering the times you’re blown off instead of the times people talk to you. Cheers!

MissAnthrope's avatar

Thanks. :)

I feel like people think I’m trying to hit on them, when honestly, I’m not.. I’m way too shy for that, anyway.. if I’m interested, I find it really, really difficult to even make eye contact, much less strike up a conversation. The fact that people spurn me for talking to them (I assume because they think I’m hitting on them) is a major blow to my confidence and my ego.

cyndyh's avatar

You could just think that maybe they have a girlfriend and you took them by surprise. It also seems especially younger guys (20-early 30s) have no idea how to handle that situation. They get flustered and confused. You gotta feel for the poor things. :^>

I will say I’m a lot better at being clear than I used to be.

SeventhSense's avatar

Yes. At various times if my mother were to ask me what I wanted as a gift or a dinner I would leave it up to her. She would invariably get me something I had distinctly said that I had no interest in or had no taste for. Worse it would usually just be something that interested her or she enjoyed. She is truly a clinical narcissist and I don’t know why I continue to imagine that she’s human. It’s just that she has such an uncanny capacity to replicate human traits that she fools me. ~_~
@MissAnthrope
The fact that people spurn me for talking to them (I assume because they think I’m hitting on them) is a major blow to my confidence and my ego.
And when it’s not (a blow to your ego), you’ll discover that this all to do with a sense of self that you project and likewise when people are genuinely rude or defensive you can just let that go as a reflection of their own shortcomings. Can you have self esteem in the absence of validation? A question worth considering.

SeventhSense's avatar

@kruger_d
Well at least someone finally noticed your post. :)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I can’t remember the last time I have felt that way.I don’t mind my own company and I especially like to take solo road trips :)

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I went out to a karaoke bar with this guy I worked with and some of his friends. Everything was going really well. Halfway through the night, I got up to go to the restroom and I came back and him and his friend had gotten up to sit at another table with a bunch of girls. I sat for a bit, then left after 5 minutes. It sucked.

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