General Question

Jude's avatar

Could someone please explain to me why it is, after having politely turned down the romantic advances of a person who really cares and thinks the world of you, that they then turn around and talk shit about you?

Asked by Jude (31980 points ) April 19th, 2009

They now focus on your flaws, and all of the good times that you had in the previous year means nothing them. I don’t get it.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

14 Answers

essieness's avatar

I would venture to say that the person is embarrassed and hurt that you don’t feel the same way, therefore, shit-talking you is the easiest way to retaliate. Unrequited love is not fun and can make a person crazy…

asmonet's avatar

They’re hurt.
And childish.

That’s all.

Darwin's avatar

You have unwittingly shattered their dreams. They are embarrassed and hurt, but also are now afraid you will make fun of them for having come on to you, so they are trying to make sure no one will believe you.

They are not exactly being mature about the whole thing.

Jeruba's avatar

They are doing what they feel like they have to do to extinguish their affection for you because it isn’t reciprocated.

And they’re punishing you because they’re hurt and embarrassed. And childish.

In other words, everybody above is right. And so am I.

augustlan's avatar

Nothing to add to these fine answers, but I’m sorry you are going through this.

chyna's avatar

And it sucks because they are most likely closing any doors to you that they may previously had.

YARNLADY's avatar

They want to prove to you how much they really care about you and how highly they value you. Or maybe they didn’t take your rejection as calmly as you expected.

ru2bz46's avatar

I always heard that love and hate are essentially two poles of the same emotion. It seems like the stronger the emotion is in one polar direction, once it is squashed, it flips poles and becomes just as strong in the opposite direction. You’ve seen it flip from love to hate.

Another example would be when somebody hates something and has a change of heart, they tend to love it with the same intensity. The biblical story of Saul/Paul comes to mind. He spent his life persecuting Christians. Once he had his personal revelation, he bacame one of Christ’s biggest supporters. That’s typical behavior with religious converts.

asmonet's avatar

Actually, a lot of people think that love and hate are very closely related, and their mutual opposite is indifference. The only difference between love and hate is intention, they are both obsessions.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Anyone who does this is a small person in how they are expressing they’re their hurt feelings. Sounds like high school stuff but I see grown adults do it all the time.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

they’re hurt. they want to accentuate your negatives instead of remembering the things they like about you. they’re maybe a little immature, but probably more than anything they’re just really upset.

3or4monsters's avatar

Glad to see you dodged that bullet. Just imagine how things would be if you actually dated the person and had a fallout later?

Judi's avatar

It proves your initial instincts were right on.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Some of us don’t handle rejection well.

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