What are some of the things that inspired the greatest passions you’ve ever felt in your life?
I think the greatest passions I have ever had were inspired by women. However, there are other, not quite greatest passions, inspired by other things like making music, political work, and the appreciation of an audience.
One of the contradictions in me is the juxtaposition between my need for passion and my need for stability. Sometimes—perhaps when I am fearful—I crave security and stability. Other times, I feel like dying (depression) and I want to throw over my whole life and either slowly descend into God-knows-what, or find a new passion that lifts me into the stratosphere.
Passion for a woman seems to inspire other things like passion for writing and passion for music, although, that’s not the only thing that inspires such passion. There is another drive inside—a drive left over from childhood—that also inspires me to do something great. That inspiration also makes me hopeless when I think about the that I can not do anything good enough to meet that drive. Oddly, there are times when I feel like I can do it. Mostly, though, it’s the other way around.
The desire to be loved—or appreciated—kicks my butt a lot, too. It’s part of the reason why I participate in social networking sites like fluther. I have always wanted to be wise—ever since I can remember. The only test for wisdom, I think, is if people—a significant number of people—value what you have to say.
Related to the desire to be wise is the desire to tell the truth. To be fully myself. To not have to hide anything because of my fear of disapproval. I’m not able to do that in real life, yet, but I can pretend to do it (i.e., virtually do it) online.
I think I was always like this, but in the past it wasn’t so urgent. Now, perhaps due to age, or perhaps due to mental illness, these drives are pushing me with much greater force.
Ok, I’ve mentioned love (women, in my case), politics (doing good), artistic impulses (getting outside of myself), stability, childhood michegoss, fluther, approval, truth, age, and mental illness as some of the things that inspire the greatest passions in me. I look at this list and am somewhat amazed. I never really thought about all the things that drive me to passion. And they do drive me—often in an out-of-control way, which makes me feel like things matter (another motivator).
This is a long list—longer than I had intended. When I first formulated this question in my mind, I asked about the greatest inspiration. I changed that because I wanted to give people more room to think. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Anyway, like I said at the very beginning, if I had to choose the greatest inspiration, I would have to say women.
What gives rise to the greatest passions in your life?