General Question

ssarti's avatar

Is it inappropriate having a crush on a younger girl?

Asked by ssarti (183 points ) December 18th, 2009

hello all – now i have this problem that i keep thinking of – im a high-school junior who’s going to turn 17 in February, and i have this huge crush on a seventh grader who’s going to become 13 in January. do you guys think this is inappropriate? she joined the school just this year but we’re on good talking terms and i cant be sure but i feel that the chemistry is there. i really want to take a chance and take things to the next level but i don’t want her friends to bully her and i don’t want people thinking that I’m a sicko either. truthfully I’m not totally head over heels for her because i have some strange fantasy – its because i just love her company and shes just so pretty being around her makes me really happy! what do you think guys – should i just let this go and pretend i never had feelings for her or should i follow my heart?

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63 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

That is crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

You will be endlessly mocked by everyone. The next level with a 13 year old?

ssarti's avatar

by next level i mean dating lol like i said my intentions are completely honrable!

lfino's avatar

You’re too old for her. Is she even in high school yet? If you were on the same maturity level, say you were 34 and she were 30, then it’s different, but 17 and 13 – not a good idea. If you feel like you can’t just stay friends, and you’ll be tempted to try to date her, then just stay away. Find interests with friends that are closer to your age. 13 year olds should not be going to any ‘level’.

Pretty_Lilly's avatar

Just remember the rule of thumb 16 will get you 20.

LocoLuke's avatar

Let this one go.
Generally, I figure the minimum age to get involved to any degree with half your age plus 7 (if 18, don’t even try though).

Vunessuh's avatar

There is nothing wrong with being friends with her because you enjoy her company.
I would rethink entirely on wanting to go to the next level with her even if it’s just dating.
In a year, you’ll be 18 and she’ll be a minor with 4 years left to go before she isn’t. Use your head.

ragingloli's avatar

Wait till she is 14 and then move both to Germany. Age of consent is 14 here.

NUNYA's avatar

Don’t go there! Not a good idea. It don’t matter what she thinks or what her friends think or what you think…...............her PARENTS will have your balls in a blender if you do. Not a good plan.

Blackberry's avatar

Unfortunately you shouldn’t do that, man. It’s not wrong to like her, hell, some 13 year olds look like 18 year olds. It’s kind of ‘wrong’ if you like her just because she looks like a helpless little girl, but I’m sure you’re not a sicko. But because of the laws and morals of our society, we call that wrong and to save your life and career you shouldn’t do it.

ssarti's avatar

@NUNYA – jeez i didnt think of that oh my you’re right i’m playing russian roulette here!
@LocoLuke – haha tempting – overe herein france the age of consent is 15
@Blackberry – thanks man thats some pretty good advice thats actually a nice way of looking at things!

ssarti's avatar

and whats worse is that there isnt even any precursor in my school as everybody dates in their own age bracket – sigh i might just have to let this on ego…..

NUNYA's avatar

@ssarti Just thinkin’ back to my younger days and what my dad would have done. YUP shot gun loaded and ready to fire He’d put the balls in the blender after he was done shooting a whole right through them. HAHAHAHAHA!
.
All jokes aside ssarti, she is in a YOUNG mind and would probably think it was really really cool but honestly you are not doing yourself or her any favors by doing that. Not to mention jail time isn’t worth it. Honestly! Innocent intentions don’t matter to her parents! That is their baby girl! :-) Good Luck!

ModernEpicurian's avatar

Don’t do it. As @lfino says, it isn’t necessarily about the age, it’s about maturity.

Although, I must say, something similar happened in my high school, the couple were together for a large-ish period of time (about 2years with a similar age gap). However they spent alot of it very upset, they were constantly mocked and bullied. I would urge you not to go into this any further, as would they.

Vunessuh's avatar

@ssarti You don’t have to let her go, just be friends with her. Shit.
You keep your snake in it’s cage. She keeps her pussy in check.
Simple as that.

ssarti's avatar

@NUNYA : lol wow thats some experience heheheh thanks for mentioning it its putting more ‘clarity’ in my head
@ModernEpicurian: sigh – the price to pay for love….
@Vunessuh: hahahahah i like this answer lol im going to remember if for a long time!

Poser's avatar

It may or may not be inappropriate, but it is almost definitely a bad idea. Thirteen is pretty immature, but (and I mean no offense at this) so is 17. But 13 is a lot less mature than 17. The age difference between you two right now is almost one-fourth her age! Think about that. You’ve been alive almost 25% longer than she has. Four years isn’t a lot when you are 24 and she is 20, or when she is 18 and you are 22. But 13 is a lot different than 17, and the gap will only grow before it shrinks (developmentally speaking).
Also, at 17, you don’t want to tie yourself down to someone who can’t even hang in the same circles as you. You can’t see each other at school. In a year, you’ll be going to clubs she can’t get in to. She can’t even drive to the mall to meet you. You’d end up feeling more like a babysitter than a boyfriend (I dated a 14 year old when I was 16, and I felt that way sometimes).

And that doesn’t even begin to address the parental issue. If a 17 year old even looked sideways at my 13 year old daughter, I’d make sure he never did again. Nothing against you personally, but, again, I was a 17 year old boy once.

Besides, you are going to meet lots and lots of girls your age (and older!) in the next few years. Enjoy playing the field while you can (just be safe about it).

pjanaway's avatar

Wait a few years! If you can’t wait then its just a crush it would never of been anything more! So it won’t matter!

ssarti's avatar

@Poser – thanks poser its good to have the opinion of someone who has experienced it from both ways – as a parent and from my point of view. lol and i suppose i can’t be trusted either – i may feel that i am a different person now, when i am around her, but just a few months ago i was the kind of guy who would grasp every opportunity to get laid. fact is, i may have changed now [or so i think] but twelve is still twelve and i wouldnt want her to suffer because somewhere down the line i make a goofball decision

ssarti's avatar

@pjanaway – i suppose that would be the most logical thing to do! if my crush really does run deep then i will know if i wait and if in a few months i move on, well then at least i will know where i stand!

NUNYA's avatar

@Poser My dad said the same thing as you.
He had 2 says #1~When you have a son you only have to worry about 1 dick but if you have a daughter you have to worry about many dicks.
#2 he would tell me “I was one of them “boys” once. I know exactly what they are thinking.”
And now I am a parent and I totally understand it.

strange1's avatar

keep it as justgood friends ! thats good advice

SeventhSense's avatar

I don’t know but if I saw that avatar at the peephole I’d get my gun.

Poser's avatar

I fear I may have misrepresented myself. I was speaking of my hypothetical 13 year old daughter (which I do expect to have in approximately 18 years or so). I currently have a ten year old son, who keeps me busy enough.

ssarti's avatar

@NUNYA – lol i guess you guys are right till now i have only thought about it from my POV, hers, and our social circles – but its extremely important what the parents think too and i guess theres just no way this would ever work out!
but truthfully i would say that feelings for her have just been the most amazing thing for me. when i look back at the last few months, all i can see is this sex maniac who’s only intentions were to satisfy his junk – i just had no romance or feeling inside me! she however has just changed me and now i feel like a hopeless romantic lol!
@SeventhSense – HAHAHAHAHAHAH dude seriously i just woke half my neighborhood with my laugh when i heard that

ssarti's avatar

lol her parents will see me through that peephole then

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

While anything goes for over 18yr olds out of high school, the same isn’t true for underagers. It seems silly in retrospect but there feels a huge difference between a freshman and a Jr. or Sr. in high school and any Jr. high schooler dating a high schooler is going to have some peer issues even if you guys only date. I wouldn’t do it.

ssarti's avatar

ooooh hortence i remember you you were my first answer! ahhh good times lol well not really back then i was still that dude who craved to know [in the biblical sense]! but anyway you’re right i really cant understand how there can be so much difference between a junior and a middle schooler but i suppose when i look at how much ive changed over just a few months it seems plausible

Jack79's avatar

even though my answer won’t be as strict as others, you should definitely not rush in. If nothing else, she’ll probably just freak out. I used to like this 14-y-old when I was 16, and even she thought I was too old. At those ages, even a year makes a difference. But it all depends on maturity. I work with teenagers and some of my 13-y-olds still play with dolls, while other date adults. It all depends on the person. But I’ve found that that rule of thumb (½ +7) is a pretty good one.

flameboi's avatar

mmm…more than 4 years is just way too much when you are an adolescent
after that is sort of o.k. but no more than 5 pls is just not right!

jackm's avatar

I am sure I am in the minority, but i say go for it. your both young nothing really matters at that age.

Vunessuh's avatar

@jackm Jail usually matters.

jackm's avatar

@Vunessuh
He is under 18, so its not an issue

ssarti's avatar

@Jack79 – to me she just seems so mature and understanding neither is she like the judgemental adults who think life should just be about getting high grades in the advance placement program and neither is she like my partying, smoking friends who think life is a joke. i just feel so good talking to her she really makes my life feel complete. be that as it may i guess 4 years is still 4 years and nothing is going to change that.
@flameboi – hahahah well its just four years actually [ well a bit less]
@jackm – lol thanks jackm i really feel like just letting go of all my preconceptions and just risking everything in the name of love but i dunno my brain isnt in my head but is it it in my heart. i dunno oh im so confused!

SeventhSense's avatar

Well it is illegal in almost any state in the union to have sexual relations with her.

Vunessuh's avatar

@jackm It will be an issue in a year.

ssarti's avatar

lol well not really cuz i live in france and here Aoc is 15. she’ll be legal in two years and i will be eligible for jail in a year so in total i have to be careful for a year but really thats the least of my problems because when im with her, thougts like that are the last thing on my head

ssarti's avatar

but ofcourse i cant say the same for when [or if] i actually start dating her!

ssarti's avatar

but im confident that if it meant we could be together i would even start watching porn everyday to stay under control!

Poser's avatar

@ssarti What you are describing is the classic crush. There is nothing inappropriate about having a crush on a girl that young when you are 17. There is something inappropriate about acting on your feelings. Though you say sexual feelings are the furthest thing from your mind, that will only last until you are alone and close to her, I assure you. Best to keep yourself out of that situation.

I know that it hurts (probably makes you sick to your stomach) to think about not being with this girl, but understand that those are simply chemicals in your brain telling you to feel this way. I promise that in a few weeks or months, those feelings will fade

And ultimately, if it is love, then it is worth doing it right, right? If she’s as special as you say, then she is worth waiting for, no?

Vunessuh's avatar

@ssarti Yes, you do have to be careful for a year. Like I said, just be friends with her and release the baby batter before you go hang out.

ssarti's avatar

@Poser – thanks poser thats the best advice i’ve had in a long time i really appreciate it! strange…..i’ve had a crush on her for a few weeks and everything was pretty constant then but now in a matter of hours im beginning to develop entirely different conceptions

jessicamarie's avatar

wait until you guys are…
you are WAY more mature than her in many ways
and both of you are physically and mentally NOT READY

SeventhSense's avatar

France? Then just wait a couple of years and have fun..

ssarti's avatar

hahahah i miss the good old valley sometimes but there are benefits to a european education!

snowyowl_ecs's avatar

A girlfriend of mine told me the other day that if the person in half your age plus seven it is okay to date them. Anyone younger is unacceptable.

For example, I’m 21 so I would say: 21/2= 10.5 —> 10.5 + 7= 17.5
Therefore, I shouldn’t date anyone under the age of 17.

You are 17: 17/2= 8.5 —> 8.5 + 7= 15.5
Therefore, you shouldn’t date anyone under the age of 15.

Then again, there is no law stating that this is true. When you do turn 18, however, it probably will be a problem.

ragingloli's avatar

@snowyowl_ecs
So if I am 1 I can date a 7.5 year old?

ssarti's avatar

arrrggghhhhh this is so frustrating – but when i look into her steel blue eyes i dunno it just feels like getting branded a weirdo and a creep might just be worth it

ssarti's avatar

Be that as it is thanks a lot all as i am still very confused but at least i know my options and their consequences!

ssarti's avatar

And judging from my profile pic, do you guys think i look a little too old? if i go through with this, the first thing i have to do is ‘youngify’ myself as far as possible!

ssarti's avatar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtAF-0gmjPs
this is my look when i was 14 and 15 – should i go back to this look?

SeventhSense's avatar

@ssarti
The body says yes but the mind says no. Go back to a 15 or 16 year old.

danbambam's avatar

Your going to get so much crap. And I doubt her parents will be down with it.

Wait till she’s in high school. But for sure let her know!

Freedom_Issues's avatar

Um yes. She’s 12. Although I’d say wait a few years, you will probably be over her by then, so be happy you’re not making a move and making a mess out of this.

Cruiser's avatar

4 years apart at your age is lifetime apart. She is still a young girl and you have nothing to gain by skirt chasing a kid.

Janka's avatar

There’s nothing inappropriate in having a crush.

However, a lot of the things that you would do if the target of your crush was 17 would be inappropriate with a 13-yo.

So I think if your feelings for her are real, for now you are best off letting her grow up on her own. You can of course intervene if someone bullies her (I hope an honorable 17-yo would do that for any 13-yo! though I do realize that’s just my wishful thinking), and if there are opportunities I do not think there is nothing wrong in say being members in the same club or whatever, but you should not, in my opinion, try and be his boyfriend at this point. Even without sex.

But the difference in maturity will lessen when you grow up. 21 and 17 is already quite doable and 34 and 30 is almost the same age. So if your feelings won’t change (which they very well might, of course) there will be time later, and I think the practicing self-denial now will do you good.

ssarti's avatar

thank you janka! ummmm well i will try to wait – i have the whole christmas holiday to come up with something and then do it with a clear head when school starts up again. and i really do hope my feelings last forever, and at this point it seems that they will but then again i may just be having a bout of wishful thinking [though i sure do hope not]. but yes – at the very least i will wait since well she has had such a strong impact at me now that these days i can’t even look at other women without feeling grossed out and awkward inside – the feelings i have are hard to describe but i suppose the closest thing could be a little boy when he sees a women wearing something compromising and he goes like “ewwwww!”

Janka's avatar

The good thing about the feeling that your feelings will last forever is that if they do, there’s no hurry. :)

ssarti's avatar

guys i just found out something!!!!
she’s 14!!!!! oh my i can’t believe i was so stupid that i didn’t know this earlier! we’ve been chatting a lot now that we don’t see one another up front cuz of the holidays. i asked her whens her birthday and she told me its July 29, 1995. Oh my i am so happy! yes yes yes! all my dreams have come true! she’s 14 and a half and i’m 16. There’s just two years difference between us! wooohoo!!!

ssarti's avatar

oh wait a minute how can a seventh grader be 14? i was in the later half of the eighth when i was 14.

ssarti's avatar

but she wouldn’t lie to me sooooo….....
oh well im just going to count my blessings! thanks a lot all this is just a huge weight off my back!

bean's avatar

I don’t think you can do much but date each other… I don’t think it would be right to do anything further with such a young girl, even if your intentions are good, if you want her you’re going to have to wait till she’s older… but some one at your age… I don’t think is going to wait… so being friends and staying friends is the best option until she’s older, even then things might of changed… but good luck to you

just wrong timing, around that age it really does matter until your both 18 or over

Ludy's avatar

My first boyfriend was 24 when I was 15, so, but that was in mexico, they don’t take you to jail for something like that, but we never got intimate, he actually did respect me

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