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lovemypits86's avatar

How can i make it easier when my husband deploys?

Asked by lovemypits86 (564 points ) December 28th, 2009

My husband is in the navy and we have been here in South Carolina for awhile now and he is going to have to go out to sea in march and i’m already stressing about him leaving. This will be our first time apart and not too sure how to deal with him being gone at months on end. Wanted to know if ya’ll had any advice?

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16 Answers

john65pennington's avatar

Plan ahead. see if the base women have a group that routinely meets to support each other. women(and men)in the same situation have a lot in common and can share thieir good and bad times together. keep in constant communications with each other. make sure you have reliable cellphones and if you can afford it, a laptop. you are going to have a lot of lonely days and nights. keep yourself busy. find a job or a new hobby that will need a lot of your time. do you have children? if so, become really involved in anything that surrounds them. i was in the National Guard, so i understand your anxiety.

lovemypits86's avatar

Thanks. he’s on subs so no phones unless he comes up. I have a four year old son and he has started riding dirt bikes and play baseball. and i work 12 hour days. And the support group on base isn’t that friendly. they don’t tend to be that friendly towrds the Nuc wives bc of how fast Nucs make rank and the amount of bonus they get so i stopped going.

JustPlainBarb's avatar

My son was in the Navy and deployed to the Med. several years ago. I know it’s much much harder for spouses… but I agree that getting involved in groups of women who are in the same situation would be very helpful. If I remember correctly, the Navy is very supportive of Navy families and how difficult it is for them when this happens. I’m sure they offer such groups or can supply you the information you would need to find these activities.
Good Luck with this… I wish you both the best of luck… and that the time flies by and he returns home safely!!

john65pennington's avatar

Okay, this is a toughie. try to find you a very good friend that you can confide in. you seem to have all the other bases covered. before your husband leaves, give him a special small gift that he can always carry in his pocket. buy two. one for him and one for you. something really personal that only you two will know about. he will look at your gift over and over again and this will keep you two together, no matter how far apart you may be. this worked for me. as long as i had this “gift” in my pocket, i knew my wife was right there with me.

aphilotus's avatar

This might sound a little weird, but you might want to make a copy of little him. (NSFW ‘cause its a website about making useful replica genitalia)

I heard about it via an article about the wife of a US Soldier who is on his third tour in Iraq.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’m sorry, I know it will be hard – it would be terrible for me if I fell in love with a person in the military, for many reasons…but the time apart and the anxiety…ugh, connect to others, friends…get a webcam…good luck

lovemypits86's avatar

Thanks. i just want to make sure i am strong enough. this is the exact reason i didn’t want to be with someone in the service. I have some mental disordes i’m worried about relapsing after doing so well and finnaly getting a grip on my disorders.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@lovemypits86 I know what that feels like. Do not assume it’ll happen – you might gain strength from this that you never knew you had.

marinelife's avatar

You are doing the right thing in thinking about preparing.

You need friends. How about working on getting in touch with theother wizes of guys on the sub?

You should consider whether you have to work 12-hr. days, because your son will need you during this time.

Make a video of his father talking to him, which you can play for him while his dad is gone.

Write letters to each other to open spaced out over time when you need them.

lovemypits86's avatar

Thats a great idea making vidoes. I think my husband is taking it harder than me. he wants to spend every free minute with us and it’s going to be a huge adjustment to not having him there altough i think my dogs will be happy that they have more room in the bed.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

You need to get in touch with your Ombudsman If you don’t know who that is, ask your husband. It is usually the wife of the Captain or XO of the ship. What the Ombudsman does is help you out when he’s gone. She will be able to provide you with all kinds of information and activities while he’s gone. There will be opportunities to volunteer for some of them to help keep you busy if you want. They have get togethers and all sorts of fun stuff.

The time will fly for you a lot faster than it will for him. It’s never a bad idea to get counseling upon his return because you will get into your own routine while he’s gone and his return can be stressful, believe it or not. Having gone through quite a few Navy deployments myself I can attest to that. The counseling does not mean you guys have problems.. not at all.. it is just to help ease the transition.

I am about to deploy in march as well.. for the Army this time.. and I know it can be very stressful for you and him both. But you guys will be ok.

Just thank your husband for joining the superior Navy instead of the Army. XD Six month deployments are much better than 12–15.

I wish luck to you both. Fair winds and following seas!

lovemypits86's avatar

thanks alot. My father always said the smart people go in the air force and the ones who couldn’t get in went in the navy. lol.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@lovemypits86 Your dad was right to an extent. The only thing I don’t like about the AF is that they don’t get to travel to the cool places the Navy goes to. In one deployment your husband might see 5–10 countries! In the AF… not so much. Unless you have one of those special jobs.. which not everybody has.

lovemypits86's avatar

yeah true. I’ve been to many countries and by far the best was turkey i loved it and hope i can take my son ther one day.

SherriS's avatar

I’ve read the other posts and your responses, so will give you something ‘new’. There may be an online web site for Navy Wives-look for it. When my son was in Iraq, I was online with Army Moms and that was my God-send! All the moms there had children that were deployed or had been deployed and they knew what I was talking about-we cried together-we laughed together-we even had a ‘snoopy dance’ when a child came safely home!-they knew where I was coming from-I couldn’t tell them anything they didn’t already know!
It sounds like you will be plenty busy with working 12 hour days and a four year old! BUT the lonely hours can be spent with the other Navy wives!
Thank you and thank your husband for his service! The price of freedom is NOT free!

lovemypits86's avatar

THanks so much that’s great advice i’m still trying to prepare my son for when daddy leaves.

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