What's your stance on Polyfidelity and/or Group Marriage...?

Sounds great, I would have no problem with that. I think it would make some relationships better. Though it takes a special group of people with a lot of self esteem and confidence, you won’t see that around much anytime soon, people are too greedy and love to claim a person as their own.

I am for it – if all are consenting.

I’m one of the greedy people. I wouldn’t get into a relationship like that, but it sounds pretty cool. If people are up for it, then they should go for it!

“Hello Jane, Mary and Joann! I’m home!”
“Oh Bob, your home!” cried Joann.
“Guess what Joann…it’s your lucky night!”
“Oh really?????” * Squeal.*
“Hey! You’ve been with her for the last two nights! It’s my turn!” shouted Mary.
“And what about me?! I work my butt off for this family…I deserve a little attention to!” exclaimed Jane.
“Now wait a minute girls…Joann just appeals to me a little more right now, that’s all-”
*Pots and pans go flying at Bob *

Two people in a relationship fight enough…add another or two or thee more people to that relationship and…Urg! My ear drums are ringing from the very thought of all that yelling! This kind of relationship is not for me, I would get jealous to easily.

@Blackberry: People are indeed greedy, but not just that. For a lot of people love is not something they feel they CAN have for more than one individual. And that would mean that, just like with “divine experiences”, someone who thinks they won’t experience it… Won’t. If I see lightning strike the ground and it blinds me, I would explain it scientifically. If my father saw that same lightning bolt and was blinded, he would explain it as God’s plan. So for him it would be a divine experience. Similarly, someone who believes they can love multiple people will see their relationships with friends differently than someone who believes love is reserved for just one person.

@Spinel people don’t have to fight in relationships.

I am not interested in being part of such a relationship but I don’t condemn it on moral grounds if all involved are of age and consent. The problems arise when pregnancies occur and paternity is in doubt.

If child rearing is communal and child focussed, it may not be harmful – a ready made village that it takes to raise a child.

If it means I get to have more sex without reservations, then sure.

People should be free to work out whatever arrangements they want as consenting adults provided they respect other’s rights to do the same. Beyond that, I have no opinion on how other people conduct their private lives.

@Dr_Lawrence: Ah… Pregnancies is actually an issue that came up in one of the communes that I was reading about. The one in San Francisco. At the Kerista Village there, they started requiring that male members get vasectomies within a set period of time after joining the community.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Your right, people don’t have to fight, but they often do. Its why counselors thrive.

Have you ever seen a healthy relationship that had endured no augments? Conflict in life is natural – it is impossible to avoid. With two people, its bad enough…but with three, four or more? Yuck. If people can work this kind of thing out, fine. I’m just not one them.

@Jerikao Very true. The majority can only feel love for one person, most of us spend all our time just looking for one right person. Although…..I think this minority group suffers a lot more. Let’s call them the ‘What could’ve been’ group lol. Humans can be attracted to people in different ways: sexual, personality, and support/emotional. The classic example is the couple which has a stagnant sex life but is perfect in all other aspects. So they become very sexually attracted to another person, but have to kick themselves over and over because they are constantly saying to themselves: “I have a significant other already, I can’t do this”. : )

@Spinel Well I don’t know – some people like to fight, they need that up and down with their partner – my partner and I rarely fight, it’s nothing we waste our time on – and he and I and another person were in a polyamorous arrangement for about 6 months and we never had fights.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir True. I do think some people can pull this off. However I also believe there are people who could never pull it off – including myself. Not all people are capable of this kind of relationship.

@Spinel: Ah, but whether you could pull it off or not wasn’t really what I wanted to know.

Personally, I don’t think I’d be interested in such an arrangement either. But I’ve always been involved in a general lust for equal rights… So I kind of wonder whether this is something that should be argued for as well. Now, clearly, if this sort of relationship were to be legalized… It would only be legal for said relationship to exist with all parties consenting. And honestly, if all parties consent, why would it be a bad thing? I’m not necessarily talking about marriage… Think of it more as a… Group Contract.

Question: Are they consenting adults?

If yes: I approve.
If no: I disapprove.

As simple as that.

@Spinel no, I know that – I totally respect that you know yourself well – I was just saying that I don’t get why people think it’s so normal to fight all the time with your partner

@Sarcasm: Of course, of course. As far as I’m concerned, all the normal rules would have to apply. Be of age. Be consenting.

I would never personally be able to function within a group like that. I’m too territorial. But if that’s what people want to do, I believe that it should be up to them. Of course when you add young brides and religious context to the whole thing, it mucks it all up.

Yeah some ‘just know’ if they could handle this. I’m 99% sure that something along these lines would be perfect for me, 2 women and 2 men. If the people involved were decade long friends it would make it better as well : ) I think monagamy really just isn’t enough for some people. It’s actually very constricting when you think about it.

@jamielynn2328 Ah… Yeah… Agreed, there. But as I said before, I don’t really think it should even be called marriage. As far as I’m concerned, if marriage is to be considered a religious term, it should not be over-seen by the government at all. In fact, I would encourage the government ONLY overseeing “civil unions”. Again, only with consenting, of-age adults.

@Jerikao hear hear!

I have a friend who is involved in this. She seems happy. It isn’t for me.

It wouldn’t work for me, but if it makes others happy, and since it doesn’t intrude into my lifestyle, I see no problem with it.

Sounds to me like multiple opportunities to land in the dog house.

@SABOTEUR: Ah, but the dog house could easily just be one room over. ha… Seems odd to me. But my Finnish friend says a few of her close friends have entered into this sort of arrangement

I don’t care if the people involved aren’t coerced or hurting anyone. Life is short. Be happy.

@Jerikao Perhaps. All I know is, it’s bad enough having one woman angry and complaining about whatever it is you did or didn’t do.

But, multiple woman?

That’s beyond my comprehension.

@SABOTEUR: Eh… I could see how it could work. I just don’t really see it for me. The fact is, though, that there are those people who desire this situation. I, again, point out the equal-rights issue. A lot of things about marriage seem… Incredibly un -equal.

@SABOTEUR you’ve got a skewed view on relationships if that’s the first thing that comes up for you

I think it’s just as greedy as wanting to be just with one and only person and want that person as yours only.. because in this case, you pretty much say, ok, I have a great relationship with A, but I still cant stand his stinky feet and his horrible mood in the morning, so im going to find B to complete that part, but then I also want C, because neither A or B have good breath in the morining…. I think the whole magic and romantic idea is, just finding one and only one person that is special to you, in spite of his or her flaws, because nobody is perfect, you just take the other, just as they are. That one and only person.

@Lorenita: No, actually that’s not what we’re trying to say in this case. I’m not referring to having multiple poor relationships, but rather having a good emotional attachment to multiple people.

Hey, I’m all for whatever if it involves consenting adults.

@Lorenita that’s not at all what it’s about

@Jerikao I just don’t see how that could be possible.. emotionally speaking.. we all know how hard is to keep just one relationship working, it’s a 24/7 job… I couldn’t handle multiple relationships it would be inevitable in the end ..to choose only one person
@Simone_De_Beauvoir ..I know… I just dont get it =)

but then again.. let it be.. as many of you say, consenting adults may choose this way of life, that’s fine, for those who are able to experience it.. just not me =)

I have no issue with it. In fact, I was in a similar relationship at one stage. Myself and two others agreed to have a kind of open relationship with each other, but no one else. Went quite well for a while.

I understand the question is about marriage, so since I do not yet have any experience on the subject, I’m a bit stuck from here on.

I never fight with Peggy, Penny, Shelia, Karen, Jerri, Linda, Tracy or Crystal, and they don’t fight with each other either.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Na-aaa-aaah…I just have a skewed perspective period.

@SABOTEUR well at least you know it

Indeed!

Whatever living, romantic, or sexual arrangements consenting adults make without coercion of any kind cannot be (morally) wrong as such, in my opinion. You can argue that in your opinion, certain arrangements are not wise, but that is, I feel, a different issue.

If a person needs more than one partner to be happy, I think they are selfish

@Violet but if a person wants a single other individual all to themselves, they’re not?

@Simone_De_Beauvoir nope

@Violet that’s inconsistent.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir that is my personal opinion. You are attacking and judging me and my beliefs, and now you are insulting me. I would really appreciate it if you stop.

@Violet It is not a personal attack to say that your statements are inconsistent, nor is it an insult. It is just a claim about the logical content of your statements.

@Janka I found it insulting. That is my personal opinion.
I also said “I would really appreciate it if you stop.” (hint hint hint)

@Lorenita I agree (I guess no one else does)

It’s not about one person having two spouses, it’s about three or more all having one another.So I don’t see any selfishness.

@Violet I think you should look up ‘attacking and judging beliefs’ in the dictionary. Srssly.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir and you should look up the word ‘stop’

@Anon_Jihad I disagree

@Violet nice. and for that comeback alone I will leave you alone. night.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir So it’s ok for you to say ” I think you should look up ‘attacking and judging beliefs’ in the dictionary. Srssly”
But I can’t use your same attitude to ask you to stop, after I already asked you to stop?!
That’s inconsistent.

@Violet no you can and you did and I liked it. read up.

Wow, how did this quite constructive conversation become personal? No one was attacking you Violet.

[mod says] Let’s get back to the actual topic folks.

sorry for over reacting, I’d blame PMS.. but I was supposed to get my period 3 days ago.. so I don’t know if I would still be PMSing

@Violet – I can totally relate! I had a meltdown last night because no one disagreed with me when I referred to myself as sensitive, lol, irony!