What's your opinion on the attitudes of young men vs. young women?

I would say that many (but not all) college-age guys are not looking for commitment. Unlike some girls, they don’t need a relationship to feel complete and just want sex. Like I said, this is for some but definitely not all. It may seem like most are this way, but it’s not true. There are good guys out there but many are in the woodwork, you’re not going to see them be the life of the party or anything.

I too am college-age and know what you’re talking about. I have a boyfriend (not college-age) and while I’m very happy with him, I don’t need him to complete me. I think it’s a phase that some young women go through when they are unsure and feeling insecure. There’s not much you can do about it except be there to support your friends and hope they grow out of it soon.

I find this to be completely inaccurate. How many “guy” friends do you have? I’d establish relationships not the dating type with some guys and talk to them about it. True that a lot of people just want to party in college, but no. Guys too feel connections. I myself wouldn’t just “hook up” with anyone. Strong or not, I have to feel something.

Generalize much?

I can’t blame the OP for generalizing. In my freshman year, I felt very much the same way. All guys were dirty, beer-guzzling idiots to me and the girls were too insecure to know what was good for them. Of course, I know better now that I am in my sophomore year.

Sometimes at college, it is the loud party people who are in the limelight and that’s who you see a lot, and you think “oh, it seems like everyone is like that”, but it’s not true. Look around a little and you’ll see many people who are in the woodwork and are actually really worth getting to know and being friends with.

I would say don’t just randomly hook up if a person wants to have a relationship. Duh. I think guys give shit, but it depends on the circumstance. If it is f$#king at a party while you are drunk, not a good way to start out.

Young women many times tend to be insecure and have low self esteem, and look for men to give them positive reinforcement. So, even if they don’t want a relationship they might find themselves looking for attention from the same guy again.

I think the statement doesn’t represent the whole truth. The truth of the matter is there are girls who go to college who don’t have the need to hook up. And there good self esteem leads them to hook up with guys of the same caliber.
If a female has low self esteem and feels the need for a guy to complete them they are going to hook up with a snake. There are guys just looking for a warm body and if you put yourself out there as a free warm body to be with than don’t be surprise when they come slithering in.
I remember my son kept looking for girls with good self esteem in college and he said every time he was interested in a girl she would have a boyfriend already.
His words not mine. When I asked him about single girls he said the rest where either just sleeping around and didn’t care for a relationship or they were not confident and kept dating the scummy guys.

It behooves guys who feel this way to be open and honest up front with the women they are seeing.

This reminds me of the advice girls used to receive back in the fifties and even later. They should not be a slut, and hold out for a guy who really respected them.

The hooking up that seems to happen today, reminds me of the college student’s dream in the 70’s. This is the world that Playboy promised us. Except I’m thirty years too old for it.

I’m sure the boys revel in it. If women are willing to get drunk and fuck whoever is around, then why not? Kind of like masturbating, I guess, but still, a live body is better than one’s own hand.

What I think is saddest is that so many children (and I think young people who act like this really are behaving as children with no self control) have no clue about relationships. Our society doesn’t bother to teach our children how to relate to each other, so everyone is fearful, but they all want to connect and be known. Alcohol lubricates social interaction, but everyone is insecure without it.

The girls wait for a call, and the boys are probably just thinking they have nothing to offer the girl. They turn to their buddies and brag, but inside they are lost and getting loster.

Young people need safe ways to learn how to talk to each other and do things with each other and let themselves be known, insecurities and all. It is only thus that they will learn it is safe to be themselves, and not act like some image they see in the media. I bet the sex is all like pornography, too, with boys cumming on girls faces and whatnot. That’s how they learn what sex is, these days, according to a young woman I employed a few years back.

And, of course, that’s how they learn their grooming habits—as if a shaved pube will somehow make them more popular. A few decades ago, we were teaching our children that sex does not a relationship make. But now all the parents of of the love generation or later, and we never really understood that well enough. So many of us don’t know how to give our children boundaries, and our children don’t know who they are, and their behavior shouts this news loud and clear.

In the long run, serious efforts to teach relationship skills are necessary to address this problem. That will be difficult because of the opposition of religious organizations and notions of parental rights and values. Ironic, isn’t it?

In the short run… I don’t know. But I think colleges and universities should be taking a much more serious look at this. It isn’t enough to ban alcohol. We have to provide constructive activities that meet the kids’ needs for relationship and affiliation and belonging and selfdom. I sure hope that people smarter than me can figure this one out.

The drunk guys at parties who hook up with girls aren’t looking for relationships; they aren’t looking for girls to text later; they’re looking for boobs and vaginas.

Maybe the girls are just looking for a good time, but a lot of them are immature and insecure; they happen to care what everyone thinks of them, and they’re looking for validation that they’re attractive. The problems with this are many; the most obvious of which being that the intoxicated, unintelligent, drunk guys at parties who hook up with random girls are just looking for a warm hole. Just because they hook up with you at a party, that doesn’t mean they think you’re attractive. If anything, it just means that they think you’re easy. I’m not a girl, but I’d rather have people think I’m ugly than have them think I’m a slut.

If it were up to me, girls (and guys) would stop worrying so much about being physically attractive and start worrying about being emotionally attractive. If these girls want a relationship, if they want to be special to someone, the absolute last thing they should be doing is hooking up with a guy within the first hour of meeting them. Finding people willing to get naked with you might seem like it would raise your self esteem, but it seems to do just the opposite in the long run.

There are plenty of guys out there who do give a shit, who do care about people, who do want to give you loving attention. But they’re not getting drunk at parties, and they’re not finding sluts to hook up with on the weekend. If you’re looking for these types of guys there, you won’t have much luck.

@Ivan I agree with most of what you said except “Just because they hook up with you at a party, that doesn’t mean they think you’re attractive.”
No matter how drunk I am, I wouldn’t actively try to hook up with a guy I’m not attracted to. I had a conversation about this once with a couple guys, one of them said point blank “I don’t hook up with ugly girls.” Another said, “My speech and motor coordination may be affected, but I can still see. I can tell who is attractive and who isn’t.” (Both are total dicks, but that’s besides the point).

@le_inferno

I don’t think anyone actively tries to hook up with people they find unattractive, but there’s the whole “beer goggles” thing. The joke about waking up next to someone who turned out to be a lot uglier than what you initially thought is very old. I don’t trust the judgment of drunk people, be they judging attractiveness or whatever. Besides, this whole discussion begs the question, “who cares whether drunk college guys find you physically attractive?”

For me, any kind of ‘random hookup’ is simply that. A rather enjoyable physical act.

Oh, we feel a connection. It’s just that being with someone for a few minutes while shitface drunk doesn’t make us want to spend the rest of our lives with them.

Every once in a while you will find a guy who actually does give a shit at this age ( I found one) but they are RARE! Most men at the college age (my age) really don’t give a fuck – In my opinion anyway

That’s way too general. Everyone’s different. It depends on the way they were raised and the personal values they have developed.

I think I’ve seen this point of view before. Oddly it’s the opposite of my experiences. As a guy I had similar experiences… In college I had a lower self esteem, and on some level believed a relationship would “complete” me.

This tends to produce a series of relationships with similar outcomes.

For me it took years to understand and grow beyond this. Whenever you really need someone, you are likely to be perceived as needy – IMO – if you want the relationship that bad you must really be getting a good deal, and conversely for them therefore, not so good.

In others case it may not be neediness, but reckless eagerness – whatever the case..

It wasn’t until I had a cat that I realized the error in this way of thinking. Try to glom on a cat, you’ll get nothing.

When the cat needs you – they’re ever so appreciative. Give them some distance, and they’ll come to you – maybe. One advantage – you control the can opener. Just remember, they don’t need you. (actually they are incapable of forming a tribal hierarchy like dogs, but that’s another debate)

Chasing people gives you nothing but emptiness and shame.

Instead think of it as the “comfortable distance” game. – there is a distance/pressure where the S/O will back off, too distant, and they’ll draw closer. Be cognizant and your life will be richer – you’ll be clawed a lot less often.

Remember – you have 46 chromosomes, a can-opener, and a refrigerator. You are already complete.