What is the wierdest conversation you have ever had the misfortune of being in any way shape or form connected with?

In high school, I had a good 5 minute phone conversation with my girlfriend’s mom before we both realized that we weren’t talking to who we thought we were talking to.

Every time I try to explain to someone how I am curious as to what is UNDERNEATH the galaxy, it goes haywire.

@deni That’s easy… it’s turtles ALL THE WAY DOWN.

THANK YOU, FINALLY SOMEONE.

@mowens Any conversation I have with you.

An entire 90 minute dinner conversation about what penguins taste like followed by how we could grant penguins their wish to fly by launching them on balloons. You get bored in Antarctica.

@grumpyfish How did that end?

@RocketSquid Right back at ya.

This is one of my fonder memories of life so far. The time is between 9 – 10 AM, location is San Francisco and my friend Adam and I are sitting on my brothers back porch under a perfectly blue sky absorbing the suns warm rays with his roommate, John. One of my favorite people in the world. We had just finished a heaping bowl, and were talking about the dumbest stuff like how much I wish I had been on the Mayflower. We started talking about how we wished we had a kitten with us right now. We continued to talk about our longing for a babycat and maybe 3 minutes later, up over the tall fence that surrounds the house, POPS A CAT. It waltzed straight into the house since the door was open and started eating the dog food. This was funny especially at the time because my brother’s dog, Inga, was staring at the cat and Inga is extremely sassy to begin with. Anyhow, so we didn’t want to move, so we were trying to get it to come to us, calling it “Kitten”...and then at some point it came over, and sure enough, it had a tag on, AND ITS NAME WAS KITTEN!!!!!!! We were all blown away. BLOWN. AWAY. I stress that.

@deni: Every time I try to explain to someone how I am curious as to what is UNDERNEATH the galaxy,

do you seriously not know?

NO! CARE TO EXPLAIN?

My Geology teacher spent a good 10 min talking about “Space men” and how they come from outer space just to do stupid stuff like the walls in Cuzco, or the Easter Island statues, and such.

@deni: rather than telling you, I will give you a hint so that you can figure it out for yourself.

okay, then… even though many stars lays on one flat plane, our galaxy has stars arrayed in three dimensions: length, breadth and width. think about that for a bit.

Well there was that one time I was doing community surveys on cancer screening accessibility in Queens and this one guy talked for hours to me about all the random parrots he’s raised throughout the years and intermittently would mention how the industry has changed over the years for those in the film engineering business since women were ‘allowed to do it’. That and the first time I spoke to one of my first homeless patients who lives in his car, his two parakeets (why do these always involve birds) cat-called at me over the phone.

A friend and I once had a protracted discussion about object substitution (or something). But all that I can remember for certain was that it involved Mjolnir turning into a leaf.

oh yeah and there was that discussion I had with @Nullo sometime ago about multiple cultures and patriotism that turned into a metaphorical discussion about sewing and needles and computers and the schasm (nice, eh?) between technology and hands-on

@mowens At some point one of us said “Wait, is this <so and so>” and then realized the mistake. Nothing terrible happened or was said =)

@grumpyfish That could have been a lot worse.

I was 12 and sitting in a window seat on a city bus to school. A middle-aged man got on and sat next to me. I didn’t realize it until he had sat down that he’d even boarded. He appeared to be mentally unbalanced and proceeded to talk in a low voice about rats and gremlins. In between his ramblings, he’d look at me and say, “Are you listening to me? Nobody listens to me.” Then:

“Gee, you sure are pretty. You know that?”
“Thank you. I’m gonna go sit over there…”
“No, no no, wait! I want to show you something…”

That last bit was supposed to be a command and he blocked me by sticking out his leg.

And he then proceeded to put out his penis and masturbate. I screamed and screamed. The driver stopped the bus and threw the guy off.

Ironically, none of the kids sitting in the back had seen what had happened, and so they accused me for weeks of being an “Oreo racist c*%t” who got a “brother man” thrown off the bus for no reason. ::sigh::

also @deni, did you confuse galaxy with universe?

@aprilsimnel Aw come on, he was just trying to permanently etch himself into your memory and make you as disturbed as he was… Can’t the guy get a break?

There was a conversation (a round table sort of thing) that involved the best and safest ways to remove strange objects from patients’ rectums. There were some extremely creative and hilarious responses.

@Ria777 i dont know, probably. but does it matter? all i want to know is whats down below all this fancy stuff. im still puzzled.

@deni: yes, it matters. it matters a lot. it changes the whole nature of the question from one you could explain to a child to one only theoretical physicists could understand, though even they only theorize.

look up what galaxy means and what universe means.

I can explain what lies under the galaxy (I already gave you a hint) but wouldn’t have a clue as to the other question.

oh. then i mean universe. sorry. i have always confused those terms. now do i seem maybe slightly less dumb? :)

@aprilsimnel: put out his penis

I briefly misread this as “cut off his penis”.

I once had a two-hour long conversation, at 3 a.m. none the less, on Omegle where we planned a party involving Bob Dylan and Sarah Palin. Bill Gates would finance our ventures, as the cost of riding a dog to a desert in Nevada is not cheap. Another conversation on the same site was about the size of Bill O’Reilly’s head and how it compared and contrasted to the size of the universe.

I worked in a residential facility running various small groups. One day when getting on the elevator a woman from one of my groups popped on just before the doors closed. She turned to me, and asked, “Have you seen my ass?” Since she was facing me I said “no.” She then leaned forward, peered behind me, and said “You stole my ass.” Then the elevator doors opened, she stepped out, and (in the full lobby) started pointing at me and shouting “She stole my ass!!! Help!!! She stole my ass!!!”

A conversation with my Son and his wife when they had just tricked me into installing a few strands of Christmas lights, instead of all of them. I won’t go into specifics, but for the next two hours, I tried to come to an understanding of how to discuss something with them in such a way that we could both agree to the same thing. They insisted to the very end I was taking about the Christmas lights, when I was actually trying to figure out what words I should have used to get the desired results.

oh there was this one time where i watched a football game my friend. when the game ended, we started taking each other’s pictures since the sunset was gorgeous when one the player’s dad offered to take our picture so that we’d have one together. i was so speechless when one minute he was talking about lighting and angles of a good picture then suddenly he kept on blabbing about how the bible does not exist and how jesus is actually not a carpenter but really a king, and how the world’s gonna end soon! he even asked for our email so we can ‘propagate’ his message.!

@Shield_of_Achilles – Oh, I know. But I already had other people in my own house doing that…

@Ria777 – If only.

I was once stuck in a conversation with my dad, who was telling me how he once got a blow job from a woman with no teeth. * SCC runs off as he feels a sudden need to shower. *

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal OMG, thats fucking awkward. and gross.

Yes. It was quite disturbing.

Afterwords I climbed in the shower fully clothed, turned on the water, sat in the fetal position, rocked back and forth and sung “I’m a Little Teapot”. It was like a classic Afterschool Special rape scene. lol