How do I stop myself getting messed up again?

This sounds like one for the pros. Have you ever seen a counselor or therapist? If not, would you be willing to?

It sounds like you had a positive epiphany. Try to focus all of your energy of what you’ve discovered about yourself.
The rest of the behavior you describe sounds a little OCDish to me. These intrusive thoughts are bringing on a lot of panic and/or anxiety and it’s making you react negatively by self-harming or whatever else in order to not feel it anymore.
But I think if you focus on all of these new things you’ve discovered, it’ll help keep these other thoughts and habits away.
Try to keep yourself busy. Indulge in the activities you love. Surround yourself with good people. Exercise. Take a walk.
It takes work to overcome certain feelings and emotions especially if you felt this way for long periods of time before you had your epiphany. If they are feelings you’re use to, then of course they’ll intrude you every once in a while.
But self-harm is only a temporary solution to make them go away. Like @nikipedia suggested, I think you should consider talking to a therapist to help you through this.
Good luck.

I know I always had ocd like things, like when people get ill I stay in one room except for coming out to sterilise the outside of 1 a day canned food ration and stupid stuff like that christmas was great
but I wouldn’t have associated that with it, but it’s good to think it could be part of something I’m used to, that i hate less, or that i’ve got some control over.
I’ve got an aversion to therapists, because i can’t say things in words, face to face to people, it is not as easy as writing you know…(?)
Thanks for answering me n’ all…

=)

there is nothing in you about which you should feel ashamed, so there is nothing for others to see when they look at you except a beautiful person – keep telling yourself that, believe it because it’s true.

I think most of us would agree that we’d like you to find a person you can trust (who can listen very seriously, and not just say stuff you won’t believe).
Maybe this needs to be someone you can “talk” to without being in a room with them
every time. You might try calling the local crisis line – this is a crisis, yes? – and talk to someone on the phone about getting a referral to someone who can work that way. I know a bunch of therapists who will do phone sessions for one reason or another. An e-mail therapy relationship, might not be out of the question. And you might find that you could tolerate meeting in person later on.

…How do I stop myself getting messed up

again?....

Just say NO!

I apologize in advance for my long answers. I have trouble articulating all I have to say with brevity. I am thinking about you, I understand, and I care.

Once my counselor had me keep a written journal as part of my therapy. If you mention to your therapist it is easier for you to get it out in writing then most likely she will help you find a way to incorporate that into the therapy. If not, you can directly ask the therapist to do so. Bring in things you’ve written down.

I go to therapy, and group therapy. There are so many different types of therapies out there. Some that I am getting now are Dialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR, which has been a real trippy experience for me.Another therapy some people try is cognitive behavioral therapy. So there are different kinds of therapies, and different personalities and qualities of therapists. Just because it didn’t work great for you last time doesn’t mean the next won’t be great. Chemistry can be a factor. You just mesh well with some people in life more than others. Out of my personal experience I would say don’t give up just because one particular therapy method, or one particular therapists personality, doesn’t suit you. Sometimes you hate one therapist and LOVE the next. If it hasn’t worked for you before I encourage you to keep trying different therapists that use different approaches. Find one that suits you and your needs.

Some smaller scale things you can do on your own that I have found personally helps me:

1. Positive thinking. When you get a negative thought, reject it, and tell yourself the opposite. “I reject that reality and replace it with my own”. Choose to reject the negative thought.
2. Positive affirmations, counting blessings, anything to focus on positives
3. Meditation (has helped me I think more than therapy)
4. Friendship. Isolation seems to make everything worse. Having an understanding friend to just talk to can feel as cathartic as talking about it to a counselor. Sometimes it just helps to have a friend to listen.

5. Keep busy.Force yourself to spend some time volunteering or working on something positive. Get involved in a class or club, exercise, just get up and go do something to break the cycle of negative thoughts. Sitting there chasing my psychological tail in my own head makes things worse..

6.Working on my self esteem has helped a lot. I had to forgive myself for some of my mistakes. I had to stop putting myself down, look at my positive qualities, and work on loving myself forgiving myself and accepting myself. This has helped some. If you just want to narrow things down to one single target, google self esteem improvement or check out books on it, and just work on that alone.

7. Developing some coping tools has helped some. Little things like stress management techniques help a lot. Information is easy to find online.You can get self help books or do online research into coping skills.

Sometimes honey, we have to admit we just can’t do it on our own and need help. I do, and I take all the help I can get. If you need a friend message me.

It sounds like you had an awakening of sorts. I think you should act now, before this has the chance to spiral any further. Talk to someone. If you don’t have a therapist, set up an appointment.
Meditation could be very helpful in the meantime.

Yes, I agree with everything. Especially a psychiatrist and psychologist, and meds. And you should be taught skills in counseling not just talking about your day. It turns into whining sometimes which is not inherently bad but you can’t make progress. About the meds and the docror, you’ll get no sympathy, he wants to know just the facts. If you find yourself bringing up something time and again and he does nothing, it means he cannot do anything about it. I hope you have insurance. bye

@escapedone7 Wonderful advice. I hope you’re doing okay