How can I be confident in my own skin?

But… you’re so attractive. What’s up with that? Why are you anxious?

I’m not just saying this.

I don’t think some paragraphs on the internet are going to help…..but you should focus on something else maybe, like work or school. Something not trivial like how you look today, or try medication.

@Grisaille I’m scared that my boyfriend will leave me. I don’t like him flirting with others. I know it is ‘natural’ but I hate it, and my jealousy is just crazy and out of control.

If I may, I always assumed you had some sort of separation paranoia. This kinda confirms it.

You’re so infinitely in love with him, but you are allowing that to overwhelm and consume you. I don’t want to be that guy, but I have to: speak to him about it. If you can’t, speak to someone else about it. I don’t know how your relationship operates.

But do talk about it. To us too, I suppose. This is not healthy, as you well know.

@Dibley You have to work on your self-esteem. I think I have recommended this before, but the book Self Parenting can be a big help.

Learn to love who you are and the rest will follow.

@Dibley I haven’t encountered you a lot on the site, so I looked at your profile. In your blurb where you put a small description of yourself, you wrote almost entirely about your boyfriend. I would start with writing about yourself. I’m with @Grisaille here don’t let your love for someone else define you.

Take a step back and look at what makes you different from everyone else and special, and own them. I can safely assume you are an incredible person on your own considering many people seem to like you here. If you need to talk you can always PM me

“I already suffer from Depression”

Until you can conquer that. There will be no way to conquer your insecurity.

Without going down the path of “get a counselor” etc, one thing I will say from my own recent experience is that there is definitely something to be said for expectations—as in shedding the expectations of others and growing into your own. Your lack of confidence may be the result of a bad fit between the (well defined) expectations of others and your own (possibly ill defined or ill articulated) needs, desires, dreams, vision, etc. Depression is partly the illusion that your situation is hopeless and unchangeable (or the inability to imagine the possibility of good changes). There’s also a step of awareness that comes when you finally find your “tribe” or at least a reasonable facsimile. If you aren’t aware this is possible, you’re left with feeling like the best you can do is cope with being an outcast among the drones. But if you can imagine that there are people out there around whom you can not only be yourself, but who inspire you to be a better version of yourself then it’s a lot easier to dismiss feeling “outcast” as an external problem rather than an internal one. You can hang out with drones, knowing that it’s not ideal but that you’ve got other good options.

I don’t know your situation, but I wouldn’t discount familial expectations. My experience of living in my hometown has long been dominated by the experiences and outlook of my baby boomer relatives. It’s taken me a long time to become self aware of how much their opinions have worked against how I would otherwise approach some things and make my own mistakes, so to speak.

I think you have to get out in the world more and away from spending all your time in your own head and worrying about your boyfriend. Get a job, take a course, take a walk, volunteer. There is nothing better for building self-confidence than real-life experiences and successes. And if you base your self-eteem on only one relationship or one person or how you look in the mirror today, you are doomed to a life of unhappiness.

I think the biggest problem most people have is that they think they have to be one way or another or have something that makes them stand out. You don’t have to do anything special. Just being who you are is enough. Work at being a better version of yourself. Nobody thinks like you, or acts like you or sees the world the same way as you do.
Do things to make yourself happy and your self assurance should build up. So long as what you do doesn’t hurt anyone you should be fine. Don’t stand in the mirror and pull yourself apart. Look in the mirror and look at hundred of possibilities. I heard something on tv today. “So long as I have breath in my body, I have hundreds of possiblities to make my dreams come true.” No one can stomp on you unless you start the dance first.

Straighten your posture, and wear your favorite clothes. Sing a song. Not too loudly, but just one to make you feel better.

I agree that you need to start working on your self esteem. You deserve to give yourself a break. Depression is a tough thing to go through, but the only thing that can help shift that & your urge to self harm, etc are by beginning to make small changes.
First thing in the morning, pound the pavement, stroll, whatever – the point is to get your body moving and energised before those feelings have a chance to settle in.
The only one who can change the way you feel is you – if you place all of that power with your boyfriend, you’re always going to fall short.
and everything @janbb said.
Good luck :)

@ChazMaz A person can be depressed and confident. But I agree with you that until @Dibley gets control of whatever mental issues she has, she won’t be confident about herself.

Haven’t I already talked to you about this on another question? Get out more, don’t rely on other people (boyfriend) to make you feel better. Use some of the other suggestions to help be sure you look your best, then turn your concern outward to helping others.

It is not something one can do over night, or even in a few days. But the good thing is you’ve been on this journey for a while. The only way to gather self worth and self acceptance is to start creating a life. Just for you. What I mean is write down the things you love doing. If it is cake decorating go on a course. If it is painting join an Art class. Then write down the things you should do that you don’t feel too comfortable with. For example work is often something we should do in order to live a better lifestyle, but the benefits are numerous not only the money. We all should have friends it shows balance in our lives, so maybe that will go under your “should do list”.

Physical things can help too, like start a separate saving account. You will not feel so at the mercy of another if you have a little saved.

Think of people you admire and write down why. Has that person got qualities you would like to possess? Write down the qualities you do have and possess, and like someone said here, on your profile write about you.

We are all are made of good and bad, strengths and fears, accepting them is half way to feeling comfortable.

Start small with manageable bits, else you might just feel like giving up. Consider too that self harming can scare a partner for loads of reasons. Just don’t do it.

Create a list of boundaries, of what you do like and what is acceptable in all areas of your life.

But most of all increase the size of your “posse” people can be your strength at low times, and you do not want to burden your b/f with everything. I am sure you would hate that.

Thank you everyonw. You are all so kind. I do have issues, major issues. I don’t know how to get past them and doubt very much that I will.

@IBERnineD The reason I never put anything about myself, is that there is nothing to like about me,

@Dibley You said once that you are going for therapy. I hope you still are. It really did wonders for my self-esteem. It can be a lengthy process but it’s worth sticking with!

@janbb Yes I am, but paranoid me, thinks all she doing is telling me it’s all my fault.

@Dibley Keep plugging and try to take in what she is saying without throwing up a wall of defenses. It ain’t easy, I know.

@Dibley I used to confuse the difference between it being my fault, and me being in charge of changing, also. I finally got it straight when a counselor gave me a concrete example of my being in charge of my reactions.

When someone jumps out from behind you and yells boo – you have a startle reaction, but you get over it almost immediately. You are ultimately in charge of how you are going to feel, scared or laugh, you decide.