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bkinibotombabe91's avatar

What is the best way to start things back up again with an ex with some trust issues?

Asked by bkinibotombabe91 (18 points ) March 17th, 2008

Me and this guy dated for about a year and 3 months; we argued alot during the last month and didnt have the best breakup back in early December ‘08. I called for a break and about 2 weeks later, he didn’t want “committment”...so i started to move on and i suppose he did too…around my bday in late Jan we started talking about getting back together and have been on and off talking about it since then. He still talks with his other ex alot [dated her before me]. He doesnt have ANY feelings for her what so ever but it drives me crazy when she texts and calls him all the time either to hangout or just for conversation. He hooked up with her while we were on our break and i did the same with other guys…so i guess we just have some trust issues. We both still really care about eachother and tell eachother all the time but when we get SO CLOSE to dating again, something stupid happens[whether it be plans not working out to meet up or over his dumb ex gf]....Help!....thanx<3

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10 Answers

jamisonis2coo's avatar

its just not meant to be if you both keep fucking it up over again. and you both need to move on, ive been in this boat, once u fuck up the trust is gone and your partner will never let you forget about it.

aaronblohowiak's avatar

“He doesnt have ANY feelings for her what so ever…. He hooked up with her while we were on our break”

uhhhh. really?

move on.

ishotthesheriff's avatar

didn’t you read? she hooked up with guys, too.

i’d say talk about it. if you both want to try it again then try your hardest, damnit!

annaott22's avatar

I’m in almost the same situation! Wow! This is nuts! We have decided that if we love each other and want our relationship to work then it will and its been pretty good so far. We talk about what our problems were and are and we seem to work them out every time with absolutely no arguement. So if you love each other and want your realtionship bad enough you’ll both learn what not to do to screw it up.

DeezerQueue's avatar

It’s these little things that now seem small, that will become larger issues later. Relationships aren’t only about levels of commit. They’re also about choosing the right person, someone with whom you’re genuinely compatible, someone with similar moral and social mores.

Your relationships help to shape you and enable you to grow personally. They can also have a negative impact as well if your partner is unwisely chosen.

Listen to that little voice inside you, and don’t be afraid if it’s saying no, this isn’t the right person. Being alone doesn’t mean having to be lonely, it’s often a choice a person makes and can also be an opportunity in a person’s life to find out who they really are and what they want to do with their lives and in potential relationships.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

sounds like f^ck buddies to me.
leave him not worth the drama.
Without trust there is no true relationship.

scamp's avatar

I just read this question: http://www.fluther.com/disc/8769/best-way-to-get-a-new-guy-in-only-the-last/
I think you should hang loose and have fun before leaving for college. If he’s kept in contact throughout your entire relationship with him, it sounds like he isn’t ready to commit to just you anyway.

aaronblohowiak's avatar

@ishotthesheriff i did read. i just noticed that he was with his ex who he says he doesnt have feelings for, not strangers.

chaosrob's avatar

Well, first, move on. This isn’t a healthy relationship.

Second, you might want to think about why you’re drawn to a relationship that permits sabotaging it over and over again. I mean, it’s clear why he’s into it: he’s “dating” at least two girls whenever he likes, all for the investment of a little friendly conversation. He’s got it made. You, though, seem to be attaching some emotional weight to the relationship, and then you keep trashing it and backing away. You ought to figure out why that is.

rking1487's avatar

I don’t think you have to move on although it does sound like it could be a destructive relationship. If you both really care about each other then I would suggest talking through everything and be honest with each other. Let him know what bothers you and try to get each others issues resolved. I am making a big assumption that the two of you are mature and will be able to handle each others feelings. I think the most important thing to do is do what makes you happy and trust your instincts.

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