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gravity's avatar

What would you do to get away from a toxic relationship?

Asked by gravity (3101 points ) August 14th, 2010

If you were an alcoholic and your partner drinks but you are addicted to the relationship, what lengths would you go to to get away from the relationship?

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9 Answers

chyna's avatar

Hopefully you are already attending AA meetings. If you live with this person, do what you can to live somewhere else. Go live with a relative, a close friend, anywhere that there is no drinking going on. I suggest you live with another person at least at first to help you be strong in letting go of the toxic relationship. Along with AA meetings, seek counselling or therapy of some kind. There are therapists that charge on a sliding scale depending on the amount of money you earn. Good luck.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I would do everything in my power to find a new place to live. I’d hope my friends and family would be there to help me get out of it. I’d also go to AA meetings and counseling as @chyna recommended.

stardust's avatar

I would choose to remove myself from that situation immediately or as soon as I possibly could. I would follow @chyna‘s recommendations and find a good therapist to look at the root of the problems, i.e. why I feel I’m addicted to the relationship.

mammal's avatar

Make your excuses and go travel somewhere exotic for a few months, works for me

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

The only way to leave a relationship that is toxic, is to do what you would do for alcohol with AA….basically…..quit and keep yourself away from that person. Perhaps you might want to go to Codependents Anonymous, too…but honestly, I would just get some therapy first (if you feel you cannot walk out tomorrow.) Strengthen yourself with therapy, just talk to someone. Go to a woman’s center where they usually have free counseling. Find some resources locally on the internet. I’m not Catholic, but Catholic Charities have free or low cost counselling that doesn’t preach to you.

If you cannot leave at this moment (you or the person that you are asking this question for——I’m not meaning to assume it’s you), then get all your ducks in a row:

1. Get counseling to strengthen yourself.
2. Make exit plans.
3. Find a safe place to go.
4. Pack your things quietly and start removing your most important/sentimental things from the house to your safe haven, bit by bit so that on the day you decide to go…you just walk out. Be sure to take all your important documents with you…passport, licenses, birth certificates, bank information.
5. Have a network of support ready for when you leave….because like with a drug, you will want to come back for the first few days/weeks/months.

If you are _not_living with the person, then it is a lot easier….just get counseling and make the decision to break it off. If you can move to another town or another place, I would do that, too. Sometimes, moving is a way to start afresh.

Either way, get some help….and get yourself to a place where you can heal. You are that
important!

boxer3's avatar

Is the partner a casual drinker, or also an alcoholic

rooeytoo's avatar

Why must you leave the relationship, what does it have to do with you being an alcoholic? I don’t quite understand. Are you in recovery? If so, your group should offer support and encouragement for leaving.

gravity's avatar

@boxer3 he is a casual drinker, but has tried to stop bc I shouldn’t drink and he always starts back. I have rarely seen him drunk but he has behaviors that are typical of an addict.

boxer3's avatar

Perhaps you could work out an agreement that until your well into recovery, that he can still drink, but not around you because when he drinks you also feel compelled to do so.

My dad is recovering alcoholic, currently 25 years sober-
and he had told me initially he needed to stop associating with the people
that he would drink, or do other choice things with in order
to be able to focus on truely getting sober, and surround yourself with people that
have the same goals as you, and your sobriety is in their best interest.

That being said, my mom is a casual drinker- and the two of them have no problems with this situation, one because he is well into being sober and is stable enough to be around alcohol without having that compulsion but two, because tough she chooses to drink on occassion she is very supportive to my dad and would never allow him to get off focus if she could help it.

That being said, I think you should have a talk with your partner, sort through the facts, and focus on getting yourself to a healthy state of being. Good luck :]

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