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nebule's avatar

Can sexual thoughts self-perpetuate to induce sexual and physical desire, resulting in an urge such as this....?

Asked by nebule (16104 points ) September 19th, 2010

I haven’t had a relationship in a long time and due to various abusive relationships, which I’m having counselling for, I’ve not desired to be with a man or woman for a while now.

I don’t usually pleasure myself regularly and often…it’s very sporadic but in the last few days I have done so often. Today I feel an incredible urge to be with a man physically. I’m not simply talking about having sex, more that I want the physical touch and connection, of course I’d like to kiss and touch someone as well.

So I’m experiencing what I can only describe as a really deep longing…a hunger for it. My question is then, can physical sexual stimulation, self-perpetuate these feelings and awaken desires like this even though psychologically this has not been an interest of mine for a long time? Is it merely chemical? If I stopped masturbating and entertaining these thoughts would the desire subside?

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14 Answers

krose1223's avatar

I don’t know any facts here, but I think I know what you mean. My husband is in the military and deploys a lot and I have noticed I miss him a lot after masturbating. Sex just isn’t the same when you’re alone, and it’s just a reminder of one more reason why I miss him. I can be doing ok and not too aware of how much I miss him, but masturbating can arouse more than my sexual feelings. I think it makes sense…
Like I said I don’t know facts, but I know there is something about skin to skin contact. My son was a preemie and the doctors always told me to just put him on my bare chest and hold him like that as much as possible because skin to skin contact does something for babies… It helps them get strength or something to that effect. I know it’s really good for all babies even when they are older. When I get in bed alone at night I long to feel my husbands skin on mine… Not in a sexual way, but nothing beats the feeling of skin to skin contact.
Hope that helps :-/

tedibear's avatar

And there I was thinking I was the only one! I have masturbated since being married and afterward, I just feel lonely and pathetic. It makes me want to be touched – and not necessarily in a sexual way.

As for your question, can the stimulation perpetuate these feelings… heck if I know! I just know that it can be quite frustrating.

nebule's avatar

@krose1223 yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about, perhaps it’s loneliness in a physical, emotional, sexual and mental sense… Yes, I am feeling lonely today…<sigh> :-(

@tedibear yes, there is a sense that masturbating can feel like a great idea, but there always seems to be a feeling afterwards of disappointment…like… hmm well that was nice but it’s over and not wholly fulfilling at all… which just seems to exacerbate the feelings of emptiness.

iamthemob's avatar

If it’s not important to your life…just stop masturbating and see. If you would rather not have this longing, see if that works.

But such a longing doesn’t sound like a bad thing. Maybe you are just ready. If so…it might be time to experiment with seeking that contact.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Frankly, no need to necessarily figure out – I’m glad you are feeling desire, perhaps you’re healing after all! :)

Frenchfry's avatar

It sounds like your ready to date, and get out there. After my divorce I waited. Found myself again. Got myself together. You can date and not have relationship. I dated for awhile till I was ready for the step up for the relationship.

LuckyGuy's avatar

It is a gift. Your brain and body are confirming that you are sexually desirable.
Don’t give up. There are men out there looking for someone exactly like you.

MrsDufresne's avatar

In women, sexual stimulation often causes a desire for a more intimate, personal connection which includes affection and closeness.

In men, sexual stimulation certainly may create the desire for physical closeness, but it is less common than in women.

To answer your question directly, it is more a biological reaction of the female sex.
If you stopped, the direct physical craving may subside, but your emotional desire for intimacy would still remain.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d ask your therapist if they think your thoughts and responding libido have to do with you being more open to trusting a relationship might be okay in the near future. Maybe your body and brain are telling you they want to be brave again.

nebule's avatar

Thank you guys and girlies…all sounds good to me x

phoebusg's avatar

I guess I’m not in the main statistic. I often find I could use a partner for the emotional intimacy etc. I’m fairly self-reliant when it comes to sex. Although I have partners, I don’t require them.
Where do these stats come from @MrsDufresne – I wonder whether that is biological indeed, or whether it is highly mediated by societal roles.

MrsDufresne's avatar

@phoebusg From my thirty years of human observation. Interesting, it certainly could be a combination of both.

flutherother's avatar

I am a guy and my thoughts on this matter may not be reliable but I think following the trauma of your previous relationships your sexual feelings have been suppressed and they are now coming to the surface. This is healthy and you can’t stop it even if you wanted to. It isn’t the masturbation that makes you long for a man it is your natural sexual instincts looking for fulfillment. I would say that you might fall in love were you to meet the right person and I hope you do.

wundayatta's avatar

Sometimes I’ll masturbate more than other times. I might even forget about it for a few days; maybe even a week, but eventually it will come back. If I write an erotic bit of writing, it generally makes me very horny. My wife is not usually available at such times, so I have to masturbate.

I usually fantasize about women who are not my wife. I’m not sure what to make of that. I think that the fantasies stimulate a need for release. Then there is a kind of circular thing of wondering what it would be like in reality.

In my case, that gets short-circuited because I can’t allow myself to have such thoughts. But I imagine that someone who was free could easily let this cycle build up to a point where they had to find out if…. “do you think this guy likes me?”

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