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ShaChris23's avatar

Curing personal fear by facing it often. Work?

Asked by ShaChris23 (318points) October 19th, 2010

Two of the fears in my life:

1) Public speaking. I get nervous talking in front of a large crowd.
2) Being around women that I’m attracted to.

I’m sick of these fears, and I want to conquer them, no matter how painful it might be.

Has anyone ever faced your fears by confronting them head on? Does it really work? Does it take a while until you conquered them? Anyone has a failure story to share?

I’m sharing my resolution here:

To conquer them, I plan to:

1) Start teaching. This way, I would get in front of people often (hopefully daily).
2) Start dating and approaching women that I’m attracted to.

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7 Answers

WestRiverrat's avatar

It can work. It is best if you have someone knowledgable to lead you through the process, they can get you back on track if you take a wrong step or two.

Blondesjon's avatar

It does work, but it can take a long time. It’s up to the individual.

this is coming from a fella that was told by his father that if he stood up to a bully they would find someone easier to pick on. he did it and spent the rest of his grade/high school career fighting the same fucking guy over and over and over and . . .

YARNLADY's avatar

There are certain fixable fears that are related to being unfamiliar with or inexperienced to the object feared, such as public speaking or dating. Further exposure, in a safe environment, such as with other people or in a classroom, will cure it.

For irrational fears, such as my fear of spiders, it is said that aversion or immersion therapy can cure it, but I do not want to find out.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Yes, it does work. Anything that becomes familiar becomes less fearful. In the case of public speaking, volunteering to read to children at the library or at a school can get you over it pretty quickly. Another technique is to think or say to yourself, “I have something REALLY important to tell you.” Working with kids really gets you used to having command with a group. I used to be paralyzed speaking in front of people, but working with a church youth group got me out of that rather quickly.

Practice speaking to people in general. Work on talking with older women first. If you can chat up someone’s mom, the transition to the daughter is pretty painless.

downtide's avatar

Yes it does. I had a fear of public speaking or anything of that sort. I took up singing, and started singing in public at local folk clubs. That cured the fear of public speaking.

My fear of heights was cured by facing it only once: I went on the glass floor at the top of the CN Tower in Toronto. Haven’t been afraid of heights since then.

wundayatta's avatar

Prepare, prepare, prepare. Practice, practice, practice.

Research your material so you know it backwards, forwards and inside-out. This way, whatever unexpected that comes up, you’ll be prepared for.

Practice. Practice your lectures until you feel comfortable saying them. Work from cards that have topics on them, not a prepared speech. You have to be able to think on your feet.

The same with getting a date. Think of scenarios and practice them. Ask for advice here: where to go, what to do and say. Think it through. What happens if this; if that. What will you do if she laughs at you? Or whatever other things you think would be embarrassing to you if they happen.

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