General Question

spendy's avatar

Do you spoil your kids?

Asked by spendy (1446points) April 5th, 2008

“There is so much out there now that we never had.” Every generation says this and will continue to say it. I think every parent wants their child to have advantages they never had, whether related to material things or not. Where do we draw the line?

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12 Answers

Robby's avatar

I like to think so but i’m not perfect either. I most diffinatly want so much more for my son then I had growing up. Then again i’m not rich so does that mean I spoil him morally, Yes I do.. I would do anything for my son…

sndfreQ's avatar

Two axioms I try to live by with respect to excessive gifts and toys for your kids:

“Buy now, pay later.” and

“It’s not about what you get them, it’s about where you take them.” (paraphrasing from a quote made by Rev. Jesse Jackson)

Robby's avatar

Very awsome answer @sndfreQ

spendy's avatar

Great answer sndfreQ, and what are your thought on moral spoilling, as Robby mentioned?

sndfreQ's avatar

@spendywatson-I do appreciate your point though-a really keen observation, especially in light of the trend of urban/suburban families valuing “conspicuous consumption” as a moral imperative. I work in a town that is well-known for “suburban sprawl” and I see its effects in the young adults who end up at my school (community college).

trainerboy's avatar

I used to be the greatest parent there ever was. I could teach others even, how to be a great parent…..then I had kids.

spendy's avatar

lol…so much truth in that. I used to be pretty good at parenting myself, and 5 years ago I became clueless. I still don’t even have the faintest idea how to plan a birthday without going overboard or making too big a deal…but still question whether it’s enough once I strip it down. A party for a 5yr old shouldn’t be this hard…

sndfreQ's avatar

I find the most difficult thing for me is to be moderate in my own personal spending-especially my weak spot-gadgets! I think my boys pick up on the frivolity of my habits, and for that I’m somewhat ashamed. It’s something I’m working on at present-and as for morally spoiling, I learned by example from my own parents, so rather than spoil I try to model the behavior I want them to value in themselves, which is difficult and only possible after a certain age-5 or 6 years old.

Nice to see other fathers here-even though we all have our viewpoints, we have one thing in common (beside iPhones).

hearkat's avatar

As a single mother, I couldn’t spoil my son. Even while I was still married we didn’t have a lot, and he had to hear “We don’t have money for that.” Then he’d suggest that we go to the MAC and get money, so I had to explain that the money in the bank was for other things, like groceries. As he got older, we’d compromise… I’d tell him I have $50 for sneakers and if what he wanted cost more, he’d have to pay the rest.

I started him on an allowance at 5 or 6 years old, and it is based on his grades. From about 8 he started doing work around the neighborhood – raking leaves, shoveling snow, etc. He got his working papers as soon as he turned 14.

I’m doing better now, financially, but I still make him contribute… for example, he had to pay for half of his iPhone on release day. He’ll have to pay his own gas and maintenance on the car and contribute to insurance, too.

I have found that by making him bear more responsibility in purchasing the items (and FULL responsibility in replacing what he has damaged/broken) he appreciates and cares for his things better than most of his peers.

I have always made him learn to deal with the consequences of his own actions in other regards, as well. A sense of personal accountability is something that seems to be rapidly diminishing in our society.

My son used to call me the meanest Mommy ever. Now he thanks me because he can recognize the differences between himself and his peers. And he knows that he has an easy life compared to many people.

susanc's avatar

When I was helping to raise my husband’s teenagers there wasn’t much money, so they had to figure out how to make do, and they were very good at it.
They worked, they traded, they developed dignity without fancy clothing. Later, when there was more money, we all went a little nuts. Christmas orgies of generosity, orthodontry, trips, (used but) good cars, down payments on modest houses… things got relatively luxe. We’ve settled down now. But since they both married, they deeply want to do nice things for their true loves. We try not to jump in – they and their brilliant wives are figuring it all out just fine.

punkrockworld's avatar

I’d give my kids my world

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

no, I don’t believe that’s right to do

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