Social Question

Julietxx3's avatar

I want him to ask me out....again. What do I do?

Asked by Julietxx3 (712points) March 2nd, 2011

I was dating this kid a few months ago.. we broke up after only one week because we never hung out outside of school… I still like him. I tried to get him to notice me more, i told my big mouthed friends I still like him (I guess they finally decided to keep a secret…just my luck.) and I try, and try to talk to him. but nothing works. I get too nervous. What else can I do to get him back? he never talks to me anymore. and we only have one class together. HELP!

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44 Answers

SpatzieLover's avatar

<sigh> oh my.

Julietxx3's avatar

thats helpful.

SpatzieLover's avatar

You want to lose 2 to 3 dress sizes, your in HS and you want to re-date your old BF?

Please crack your books open and study.

Summum's avatar

Move on to greener pastures. If he was interested he would be showing you that.

Julietxx3's avatar

I am very studious. But my passion is modeling and I obviously just want my boyfriend back. as long as I have good grades I think I can manage all of this…

janbb's avatar

You want the only answer; ask him if he wants to go out again and accept whatever he says.

Julietxx3's avatar

I know thats what I should do. but I’m just too nervous to do something like that. and he’s not the kind of person to show his feelings. I didn’t even guess that he liked me until my friend told me. he hides things very well.. so ill never really know…

gailcalled's avatar

Here’s a terrific answer from a month ago. Sound familiar?

i know how you feel, im 14 and i went through the same thing.. you just have to be yourself, be healthy, and stay silly and crazy, thats who you are! the right guy will come !

Julietxx3's avatar

The right guy did come.. I broke up with him because I felt bad that we never hung out.. so Im still on the right path. and i like him for him he’s not even good looking to be honest.. so you know i must really like him. and when you find the right guy you can’t give up

Mutable's avatar

Juliet… I am a lot older than you but trust me when I say this…. Rejection hurts a lot, but not knowing hurts more!! Tell him how you feel (don’t go overboard, just tell him you enjoyed his company and hoped that maybe you could go out again). If he says he’s not interested,,just thank him and move on. If he says he would like to go out again…. just see where it goes.

Axemusica's avatar

You shouldn’t date kids. It’s against the law and just wrong.

Julietxx3's avatar

um… im 14? so is he? and @Mutable , thank you… your answer was the most helpful ( :

bunnygrl's avatar

What about a movie? find a movie you’d both like (no chick flicks… no matter what they say few guys really like them lol) and ask if he’d go with you because you want to see it but don’t want to go on your own. If he agrees… well that shows some interest. No?

Are there any clubs at school he’s a member of? maybe join? These might work if he really is shy, but I do think @janbb is right, find out whether he is interested, if he is great, if not, move on honey.

Easier said than done I know. I remember my teens I cried through most of them, I was a miserable little brat I really was. Don’t waste this wonderful time in your life, have fun, don’t take anything, other than your studies, too seriously. Even if you go on to be Cindy Crawford, she didn’t build the empire she has without book smarts, ok?
hugs honey xx

gailcalled's avatar

Invite him to the gym, either for a swim or a workout, unless that is TOO exhausting.

And spending a week with another 14-year-old is hardly the definition of true love. And why would either hanging out after school or not change feelings for each other?

Axemusica's avatar

Holy hell, you’re 14? Move on, there will be PLENTY more right guys.


Austinlad's avatar

Ah, if only 14-year jellies were as experienced and wise in the ways of love us older jellies who have been through it all… right??? Well, speaking for myself, I’m a LOT older and still trying to figure it all out. @Julietxx3, may I suggest you do what @janbb says, and if that doesn’t work, chalk it up to that first little piece of experience and move on.

Mariah's avatar

Weren’t you looking for sweet 16 party ideas a few days ago….now you are 14? :/

I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere with subtleness. Since you broke up with him, he probably assumes you’re not interested anymore. I know it’s scary to come out and say how you feel, but I think that’s your best bet!

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
SpatzieLover's avatar

i feels so old right now

Jude's avatar

Listen to @janbb.

Those who came down on the OP, simmer down. The OP is only 14.

MatChup's avatar

If you don’t have the guts to tell him your feelings in person, write him a note and give it to him in person. If you don’t have the guts to give it to him in person, have one of your friends give it to him, then see what he does. If he doesn’t do anything, then is time to move on. Just make sure you keep your priorities straight and don’t expect for him to change his priorities if he is more studious than you are.

Kardamom's avatar

How on earth did you determine that you didn’t spend any time together outside of school in only 7 days? If you were only together for 7 days, and I’m assuming you “hooked up” (whatever that means today) then you had school for 5 of those days, had homework each of those nights and then the weekend came and you broke up. None of this even makes any sense.

First of all you weren’t dating him and he wasn’t your boyfriend. Dating means that you go somewhere together, have a mutual understanding that you are “dating” and do something somewhat romantic (like go to the movies, or out to dinner or on a picnic or on a walk, or go to a museum or a party). Just kissing in the hallway at school doesn’t mean that you are dating. He probably had no idea that you were “dating” either.

And since you said, “he’s not the kind of peson to show his feelings” and he “he never talks to me anymore” makes me wonder why on earth you would want to be with someone who can’t/won’t let you know how he feels about you and seems to be un-interested in you? It sounds like you guys had a brief “hook up” and he’s moved on. You should too.

But you should really understand what it means to be in a relationship with a person, to have a boyfriend and to be dating. Being in a relationship with someone means that you both know how you feel about each other and you have a strong bond and that you really like each other and may possibly even love each other. And both parties are respectful of each other’s thoughts and feelings, no one forces the other to do anything they’re uncomfortable with. There’s never any confusion about whether or not you’re actually in a relationship. When you are dating someone, that’s another situation in which both parties realize that they are dating and there are certain expectations and rituals that go along with that (calling each other on the phone and making plans to do something together, going places and sharing meals together, making plans to get together in the future, and then ultimately deciding whether you are dating exclusively or whether you both are dating other people at the same time). Having a boyfriend means that he asked you to be his girlfriend or you asked him to be your boyfriend and there was a mutual agreement based on your affection for each other. Each of these 3 things are clear and obvious to the couple (and usually to their friends and families too). It’s not just something that you say or that you assume.

Now as for how to find out for sure if this particular fellow is still interested in you, you need to call him, write him a letter or walk right up to him (whether you are nervous or not, it doesn’t matter, it has to be done) and let him know that you are still interested in him and that you would like to try dating him outside of school (hopefully that will mean by doing things with groups of other people of your same age, both males and females, NO one- on- one dating at age 14, there’s too much temptation to get intimately physical, a little kissing and hand holding is fine) And your parents and his parents should be fully aware that you are dating and be ok with it, otherwise you are just hooking up and sneaking around.

If you can’t bring yourself to do this, then ask one of your close male or female friends to go up to him and ask him.

If he has no particular answer, can’t articulate his feelings or hems and haws or says something weird or vague, take that as a no. Then move on.

Julietxx3's avatar

@Mariah haha yeaah i know.. Im turning 15 soon but you have to start planning your s16 at least a year ahead.

Bellatrix's avatar

@janbb and @Mutable are spot on. Just ask the question. If he says yes, wonderful. If he says no, accept he has moved on and do the same. It is not easy being 14 and working through all this romance stuff is it? If he says no, I promise you there is another boy out there that you will like just as much. Just keep on with your studies and he will find you or you will notice him.

Julietxx3's avatar

@Kardamom .. I was grounded because I have trouble with one class (and one class only i have a’s and b’s in my other classes.) and i wasnt doing well. so I knew it would be a least a month before she let me go out. so i felt like I was wasting his time… and I felt bad. Also, some of you are being very rude… especially @gailcalled . I dont understand why you have to put me on the spot and say things that are so unnecessary.. “invite him to the gym, either for a swim or a workout, unless that is TOO exhausting.” for example. I said I didn’t want to do TOO much exercise because it is unrealistic for example for me to run 5 miles a day. so i didn’t want answers like that. If you are not going to help me… please go away. and its hard to forget someone that you feel so strongly about. I have known him for more than 5 years… and then we went out. so it makes sense why I reallly like him still… because if we never talked before that i wouldn’t be so affected by this. we were really good friends before that. so i miss him now. and ive liked him for a long time by the way.

Julietxx3's avatar

and to be honest…. I think some of you have forgotten whats it’s like to really have feelings for some one.. im not in love.. not even close… but i really liker this guy and I think some of you have forgotten what it is like to be my age and how you felt. So I would prefer someone closer to my age giving me advise… thanks.

Julietxx3's avatar

@Kardamom he asked me to be his girlfirend and we did go to one party together.

Julietxx3's avatar

we we were dating.

Julietxx3's avatar

and hooking up either means having sex or just making out.

Kardamom's avatar

Honey all of us on fluther know exactly what it’s like to be your age and to have deep feelings for somebody. If you’ve ever read any of the “relationship” threads on fluther you would know that. Also, most of us have gone through these situations, have learned something, matured and lived to talk about it. One of the advantages of fluther is that you can warn people about certain situations that they should avoid, and you can help people prepare themselves on how to do things in a way that will get the best results with the least amount of heartache.

You sound like you love drama. Your story changes and gets bigger with every piece of advise that you reject. First you said you simply “dated” this guy for a week, then you said that you knew him for 5 years and that you were really good friends. Good friends don’t just stop talking to each other unless they are no longer good friends. So which is it? And you don’t like to like to take advise from people who have been there and done that. You think you are unique, but I think I can honestly say that anyone over the age of 16 has been through what you are going through. Unlike you, though, most of us older folks, didn’t have the novelty and advantage of having many voices to explain to us (way back when) what we should do and what to expect. You have the luxury of asking a question and then dramatically rejecting it out of hand while still wanting happy, quick, easy little solutions that make all of your drama sound worthwhile. Real life doesn’t work that way and the sooner you realize it, the better off you’ll be.

You ought to show your parents these threads and see what they have to say about your situations. I hope you don’t speak to them the way you’ve spoken to some of us.

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SpatzieLover's avatar

@Julietxx3 Trust us. We have all been there. We do know. You have not been through everything life has to offer yet. You asked a question, and are getting some pretty superb answers. Read through some of them.

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Julietxx3's avatar

@SpatzieLover yes I know that… but some of you just think it is so easy to move on and it makes me wonder how long it has been since you were in a situation that you have to move one… it’s not easy. and I think there is still a chance for us..

SpatzieLover's avatar

@Julietxx3 High school stress and your age hormones have a way of messing with your undeveloped frontal lobe (your brain).

Focus on having fun, making grades, and setting yourself up for a good start in college. This little stuff will work itself out.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Julietxx3's avatar

@SpatzieLover thank you ( : I will

Kardamom's avatar

Honey, you’re just a child. The rest of us, have been children too, but now we’re adults. We’ve all been through your situation (sometimes more than once) that’s how people learn. You have the opportunity to deal with your problems by getting some help from your parents and your guidance counselor, that’s what they’re there for, and by taking solid advice from people on fluther.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Hate to break it to you, but if you went out for a week, broke up without seeing eachother outside of school, and he won’t talk to you, you were probably never dating in the first place.

He’s probably not interested in dating a girl that’s obsessed with being a model; the kind of guy who makes good boyrfriend material usually isn’t.

Have you tried walking up to him and saying, “I really like you and I wish we could start dating. Would you be interested in going out with me? No? Would you mind telling me why? Some people I know thiink it’s because I’m obsessed with modeling. Are they right?”

Usually if you throw a reason out there, guys will either agree with you or disagree with you, and tell you the truth, like, I’m not interested in dating, my parents won’t let me date/your friends are silly/stupid, or whatever the reason is.

Julietxx3's avatar

First of all, I am not obsessed with being a model. I simply want to follow my dream of becoming a model. And we were going out. He said to me these exact words. “I really like you and I have liked you for a while now. Do you want to go out with me?” In HS “going out” means boyfriend-girlfriend. And by the way, no one knows about my modeling passion other than my family, and now all of you. I never once said I was obsessed with being a model. So can you please stop saying that? I thought I could ask mature people about this… But honestly, I was not expecting these mean, and rude comments. I have apologized to a lot of people, but why are you just making it worse?

Joker94's avatar

I’m not much older than you (16), but I’ve been through this before when I was 14. Hell, I went through the same thing a few months ago. And similar type of situation a few weeks ago. If you really think you need this guy, then you have to be self-confident when you talk to him.

You also have to be prepaired to not meet success (And that’s okay). It seems to me you also might just want to move on. It sucks, I know, but keeping a stiff upper lip will get you through it. In the end you might just realize you were better off. Trust me. I never thought I’d function normally again when I broke up with a long-time girlfriend. And you know what? I realized how completely untrue that was. I was fine, it took some time, but it taught me how to be more self-sufficient. You’ll be fine. Some of these answers may seem rude, but some of them you need to hear. It seems rough, but that’s just the way it is sometimes. At 14, you should be trying to have fun, and focus on that.

Buck up, kiddo, you’ll be fine :]

Julietxx3's avatar

Thank you (:

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