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Aster's avatar

What are your thoughts on this post-funeral dinner experience?

Asked by Aster (19984points) April 13th, 2011

An old man dies. His widow takes the family out to dinner after the funeral at one of those darkened, English Pub looking retaurants that specialize in steak and shrimp. The waiter goes around the table asking what each person wants to order. The widow orders a big dinner first, then the son of the diseased and his wife (who order big dinners) , the grandson’s wife next and lastly the grandson, 30, who says, “I’ll just have a bowl of soup.” He did this in respect for his grandfather. When the dinners arrive the widow is so uncomfortable with her large order when seeing her grandson’s bowl of soup she refuses to eat a bite. Everyone else is uncomfortable too, with their big orders, and can only choke down half their dinners. After dinner, the widow looks angry as she stomps out of the restaurant implying that her grandson was trying to make a statement at everyone’s expense.
Question: do you think the grandson in ordering the cup of soup was a) a wonderful, sensitive man; b) rude and out of line c) showing off what a nice man he was in being considerate of the loss of his grandfather.

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20 Answers

Seelix's avatar

Why would just ordering a bowl of soup be respectful to his grandfather? I don’t understand.

Coloma's avatar

’ son of the diseasedlol

I think it’s all useless drama over a cup of soup.
Maybe it’s just as simple as the guy only wanted soup.

Oooh the drama people stir up over nothing. :-/

Aster's avatar

The grandson, mourning the loss of his grandfather, felt that having a big feed would be akin to gluttony on such a sad occasion. He normally is a big eater.

Coloma's avatar

I think the real issue is everyones ideas about proper conduct, part of our programming and conditioning.

Sooo, how is going hungry going to honor a dead man? haha

Silly protocol!

syz's avatar

Sounds to me as if the grandson is an attention seeking grand-stander. If the widow of the deceased has no problem with eating a meal to celebrate her husband’s life, who is he to disagree?

Seelix's avatar

Well, that’s his decision. I don’t think the grandfather would have cared, and I think it’s silly for the family to have been upset about it.

If they’re going out for dinner, I’d think of it as a celebration of the deceased’s life. The widow shouldn’t have taken the family out for dinner if she was going to get upset about whether or not the others would eat heartily. The grandson shouldn’t have gone out if he was that overcome with grief.

I just think it’s dumb to not eat if you’re hungry. If he was so upset that he didn’t have an appetite, then it’s dumb for the rest of the family to get angry about it.
Why not eat if you’re hungry?

MilkyWay's avatar

Depends on the way the guy said it. The tone in which you speak can tell a lot.
If the grandson said it in a sarcastic or gloating manner, then he was showing off.
If he said it in a monotone voice then it could mean he was a bit upset and wasn’t feeling hungry, regardless whether he usually ate a lot or not.

yankeetooter's avatar

Maybe he just wasn’t hungry?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

The others are way too worried and have created needless drama over a bowl of soup.
Who cares what he ordered?

Aster's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille The widow felt as if he were trying to make her look like a vulgar glutton when her husband had just passed away. No one ate much as they witnessed the young man , normally a big eater of pork ribs, sipping quietly on his soup.

Seelix's avatar

Bah, I think the whole family needs to take the sticks out of their asses. It’s family. Who really cares about what impression you make? There may be protocols and other sets of “rules” that should be followed in polite society, but it’s family. Do what you want to do.

ucme's avatar

The family sound like a dead fussy bunch to me. I mean, it’s not like the guy ordered party cakes & b’loons XD

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Aster The widow needs to find something more worthwhile to bitch about ;)

Aster's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille I see what you’re saying but she didn’t say a thing. I think she felt she “got even” with him by not eating a single bite. But when exiting the place she said in a fairly loud voice, “how does he think I feel?” And nothing else was said.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Well, I guess he won, didn’t he. How bizarre for everyone else to give a rat’s ass what or why he ate what he ate. If it was his intention to make them feel bad, what a lovely thing to do after a funeral. If they let him make them feel bad, well, shame on them.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Aster She is making a mountain out of a molehill and allows other’s actions to dictate how she feels about herself.Sad

Aster's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille She’s gone now but yes; she was super sensitive to what other people did and said and was extremely paranoid. For instance: once I got her a gift of potpourri and I could tell with the face she made that she thought I was implying her house stunk. Each thing said or done was somehow an insult to her personally. I once inquired, “are you having a Christmas tree this year?” and she said, “do you think I’d leave you high and dry when you visit?” So, she was a difficult person but sweet at the same time.
But , thinking back on it, I can see how she’d feel a little guilty scarfing down a steak while her grandson ate soup. He was not one of her favorite people.
I wonder if @Cruiser would be familiar with the restaurant: Bailey’s in Illinois. Oakbrook? I think was the area.

Coloma's avatar

Typical nutcase family dysfunction. lol

Jeruba's avatar

It sounds like this episode is long, long past. Not singling you out, @Aster—I’ve just seen so many questions of this sort, and I truly don’t see the sense in protracted rehashings of Rights & Wrongs in ancient family dramas.

Aster's avatar

@Jeruba, you could be right but I find the question much more interesting than some other ones such as, “do you put your glasses upside down or right side up in the cabinet.” I don’t see the sense in such a question. Nor in all of the “GQ” it received.
I would personally much prefer questions relating to familial incidents even decades ago of at least some interest rather than inane but happened recently queries. Eliminate “ancient rehashings” and we might lose most of our questions regarding religious history.

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