Social Question

seazen_'s avatar

Men only question: when is the last time you had a really good long conversation - with another guy?

Asked by seazen_ (4801points) April 19th, 2011

I’ve had a few, not recently, but there have been a precious few. I must say that my best conversations have been with women.

Am I alone in this? Are guys around the world having good long heart to heart, personal, philosophical, emotional and intellectual conversations wirh other men?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

29 Answers

seazen_'s avatar

Now there are always some women who absolutely must chime in on “men only” questions. Please don’t, as I will flag you. There are plenty of women only questions, and I feel you won’t have anything to really contribute here – so no offense – but it’s read only. Thanks.

john65pennington's avatar

You should ride in a police car for a week. You would not believe some of the conversations we men have together. The topics varied from new laws to body tattoos.

wundayatta's avatar

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time. I much prefer women to talk to. They can deal with feelings better than the average male. Men seem to be always afraid to be vulnerable. Yeah, I’ll talk about sports a bit, but really, I’m not all that interested. The last time I talked to a guy was probably a couple of months ago, and he was an old friend from college. I hadn’t spoken to him for years, so there was a lot to catch up on.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Monday night at men’s club dinner meeting with a gentleman from over 700 miles away. About where is from; my mother was brought up less than 35 miles away from his home town.

Cruiser's avatar

I do at least once every 2 weeks with my twice best man, old roommate in college, executor of my will…bud.

dxs's avatar

Yesterday…but I think that the majority of them are with ladies.

filmfann's avatar

I work with a crew of guys in a construction field. I really think some of the guys know each other better than their wives know them.
My last really long, deep conversation was with a friend when he and his wife spent the weekend with us up North. We talked about everything from politics to Bible study to family issues to care for our wives. It was great.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Zen said I could post because I have a relevant factoid.

In one of my psychology classes, we actually talked about how men and women make friends. In general, women tend to consider those women they can have deep, meaningful conversations with to be their closest friends whereas men think of those men with whom they can engage in many activities to be their closest friends. Obviously, this does not apply to all people, but it does make sense to me when I compare the friendships I have with my female friends and the friendships my boyfriend has with his male friends. He doesn’t know a damn thing about any of his friends except that they play the same kinds of card games that he likes to play, whereas I can tell you the most intimate details about female friends I’ve had for only a month.

Rarebear's avatar

Two days ago.

Garebo's avatar

I am the opposite, and I wish I had the same problem. My male friends help me a lot, I couldn’t be more grateful for having them.

seazen_'s avatar

I have longer and better conversations with complete strangers (women) than with male friends. I think there are two whom I have good conversations with, and they live too far away for it to be consistant and more than once in a blue moon (I hate the phone).

On the other hand, I don’t mind having a written conversation – especially here – with either men or women, as I don’t even pay attention to the sex of the jelly – until they either mention it, or it becomes obvious. I don’t really notice the avatar – and it doesn’t even always give it away – nor does the name sometimes, e.g., @Rarebear and @Garebo could be either male or female nicknames.

As I am not looking for a date here anyway, and I try not to assume anything, I have had many (written) conversations without even knowing the age/sex of the other.

Garebo's avatar

Hip, hip hora!
I have great appreciation and love for some of them, until they get that crazy look in their eyes.

seazen_'s avatar

@Garebo I’m starting to get a crazy look in my eyes right now.

zenvelo's avatar

I have occasional deep conversations with male friends, probably once or twice a month. I am very close to a group of guys from college 35 years ago; we have been with each other through marriages and divorces and children with problems. Amusingly, we can have an intense conversation one on one, but in a group it falls apart into something pretty juvenile. But I think that is why we enjoy each other’s company so much.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Those are the sorts of conversations I have with my grown sons. : ))

Blackberry's avatar

Just one guy, but only because we’re mature enough to have the conversations. We’ve been friends for about 3 years. It’s easy for us because we like to think and philosophize (is that a word lol) about everything.

ddude1116's avatar

My friends and I have “manversations” all the timeā€¦ Also, none of the women around me are that good at conversation, it seems that comes later in life where I’m not at, yet…

cookieman's avatar

Pretty regularly. I have this one friend and all he wants to do is talk about his life and how poorly it’s going. He’s a good guy in a bad place right now.

unfortunately, that “bad place” has lasted three years now

That being said, I’m always open to a personal discussion with anyone I care about – regardless of gender.

choreplay's avatar

@seazen_, I am a little surprised at all the answers. I would have expected a feeling of isolation from a majority of men. I have been tossing around asking a question about feeling isolated but mine sounded pathetic so I scrapped it.

I for one have felt isolated when it comes to male friends. Find it much easier to have conversations of any substance with women. I will say that I did most of my significant growing up in the north east US but now live in the South. Big cultural differences. Also I was raised by my mother only, but had many older brothers. I don’t respect most of my older brothers then and now.

So short answer is I can’t remember when and kind of miss that connection. Strangely fluther has filled that to a small degree.

seazen_'s avatar

@Season_of_Fall I’m with you completely – all the way to your last sentence. But I am not that surprised by the replies; fluther regulars are, by definition, sensitive men who write and communicate well. I say this with conviction and the experience of one who has been here for a very long time. By definition, a jelly, male or female, who cannot communicate well (read: write, so to speak) won’t last long.

Thus, most men here are probably also good communicators “IRL” and have friends from both sexes. What is friendship really? Mostly communication and maintenance.

I talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk. In other words, I’m like the shrink who is in dire need of psychiatric care; I know what to do – I just don’t do it.

I might have many “friends” here – but in reality they are thousands of miles away, usually 7–10 hours behind me (it’s literally always the next day here) and frankly, don’t even know my name or what I look like. But I lurve my fellow jellies and feel a part of the community – it’s just not, well, friendship – for me – and it certainly isn’t a guy to guy heart to heart.

For me. Others might feel differently. I envy them, if they do.

choreplay's avatar

@seazen_, Unfortunitely in my own life I see underlying causes. I have young children and no matter how much time I get with them I am still starved for more. I have my own company that requires as much time and effort as anyone would think. But these are not excuses; connection does not have to be defined by some amount of time. It is a depth of emotional capability, a paradoxical strength in transparency and an understand of ourselves. From that base quality connections remote or often fill and strengthen us.

ucme's avatar

I have moderately long talks with the lads, but I wouldn’t say they were conversations. More like rapidly changing the subject from football sex & beer. Still, it works for me.

choreplay's avatar

@Ucme those are all fine subject’s with me. lol

flutherother's avatar

A couple of nights ago I had a good long conversation with a guy but that was the first time for a long time. I used to have profound deeply meaningful conversations with guys almost every day when I was a teenager but that intensity of feeling and involvement doesn’t happen any more.

Garebo's avatar

That’s why we should all have 5 regional meet and greets, I declare. So,we can get in each others face, lol.

seazen_'s avatar

Regional for me would be Syria and Egypt.

Garebo's avatar

You are so difficult, I am adverse to riots.
Oh yee, come back to the homeland where you belong.
My friend loved Egypt as a matter of fact, she is nuts about it.

seazen_'s avatar

The Homeland? Where I belong? You talking to me, willis?

Garebo's avatar

You betchya!

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther