Social Question

BeccaBoo's avatar

Do you think that women are too hard on themselves?

Asked by BeccaBoo (2720points) April 27th, 2011

In the age that we live in, with the pressure on women to be beautiful, do you think that women are too hard on themselves, or just obsessed with the way that they look? Guys, should we leave ourselves alone, or do you like the preened, fake tanned skinny look? Tells me what you think. Girls tell me what you obsess over, what makes you miserable? Is there such a thing as the prefect woman?

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38 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

I think some women are too hard on other women. There is no such thing as a perfect person. I don’t obsess with the way I look. What’s most important for me is that I feel healthy.

Cruiser's avatar

I greatly appreciate a well groomed woman and don’t know how they do it day in and day out. But to me nothing is more beautiful than a clean, brushed and shaved natural woman. Seriously! Just shower and go! More time for the fun things in life! ;)

Plus I HATE waiting…OMG they take forever sometimes!!

filmfann's avatar

I am always amazed at how women don’t recognize their own beauty.
They will fret and agonize over the color of their hair, the shape of their nose, or some percieved flaw, and it makes me shake my head.

Jude's avatar

Nothing sexier, for me, than a woman’s natural beauty. If they’e happy, confident and comfortable in their own skin, to me, that’s beautiful.

optimisticpessimist's avatar

Yes, women can be too hard on themselves. I think many women use the wrong criteria to judge themselves. Most men (I did not say boys) I know would rather be with a self confident happy “6” than a bitchy “10” for the long haul. (Probably the “10” for a one night stand.) I use quotation marks around the numbers because their is no real scale; each man has his own if he even bothers to rate women this way. There is no such thing as the perfect woman just as there is no such thing as the perfect man. (Sorry, guys!)

The things I obsess over have nothing to do with my looks. They are things like my kids.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Some women are hard on themselves,some are not…but then,you knew that,right? :)
I don’t obsess and I am not miserable, neither are my girlfriends.If something bothers me,I do something about it.
Overly primped men aren’t attractive to me for I like lumberjacks….and that’s ok :)

AmWiser's avatar

I would say that with the amount of beauty products on the market being bought and sold, yes, women are obsessed with the way they look. My Pop’s taught me a very valuable lesson when I was in my days of beauty enhancement. I would wear extensions, false eye lashes, make-up, the works. And I really thought I was a hot beauty.

Pop’s politely told me…“You may think you can catch a man with all that cover up you do to yourself, but in the morning when he wakes up to the real you, what is he going to really see and think”. You know, I learned he was right.

ucme's avatar

I always tell the wife she looks stunning without make-up & dressed in whatever way. That gal would look gorgeous dressed in a bin liner with her hair looking like she’s been dragged through a bush XD
Are women too hard on themselves? Depends on the woman I guess.

Coloma's avatar

I’ve finally arrived at the time of life where I fully accept who I am, warts and all. lol
Yes, I think our society is OCD and highly narcissistic in it’s beauty idealism standards.

I have friends who have spent 1000’s on cosmetic surgeries and have had a really hard time shifting into their middle age without extreme trauma to their egos. haha

I have an ex friend that, in part, I let go of due to her extreme narcissism.

When she was talking about getting a bood job at 54 and her mental emotional issues were HUGE I suggested she put the 10k into therapy instead, heh…THAT went over like a led balloon. haha

What do you need more? Perky tits at 50 something or some sense of acceptance and inner peace?

Aging happens, there is nothing that can, ultimately be done about the natural course of the decaying physical form.

No matter how well you eat, exercise or care for yourself you ARE going to DIE, some sooner than later.

Bah…be comfortable with yourself, didn’t we all learn in Kindergarten that we all come in different shapes and sizes?

Americas neurotic obsession with youth and beauty is highly dysfunctional and very damaging, to womens self esteem most especially.

My mantra…I’m just kickin’ back in the hot tub with some good wine and a happy brownie, let the parts fall where they may. ;-)

marinelife's avatar

I think that people in general tend to be too hard on themselves.

YoBob's avatar

Most men I know prefer a natural beauty to the overly made up plastic look. I contend that most women over preen because of the social pressure from other women, yet (as with many things) they find a way to blame men for their frustration claiming that it is all about making themselves attractive for the guys.

(Come on ladies, truthfully, when is the last time your guy actually noticed that new cute pair of shoes and how well it matches the handbag. The response of the girl friends to the same outfit, however, is much more likely to be something along the lines of “Wow, nice shoes, and I love that handbag, and I love what you have done with your hair!”)

Seelix's avatar

I think that a lot of women are too hard on themselves. It’s tough not to be, sometimes, what with all the gorgeous starlets out there and the impossible standards they depict.

I’ve seen quite a few female jellies’ photos and they’ve said things about their not being all that pretty, or complaining about their hair (I’m looking at you, @nikipedia! ;) ), and they’re absolutely beautiful.

There are things that I don’t like about myself, physically, and it’s hard sometimes to know that I’ll probably never be a size 6 again, but I really try not to dwell on it. I’ll rock that size 12, and be happy knowing that my man loves my curves.

stardust's avatar

Yes, I do think some women are too hard on themselves. We’re bombarded with images of the unattainably “perfect” face, figure, clothing, life by the media day in, day out. It’s easy to lose perspective and buy into that pressure.
I used to buy into that stuff. It was very hard to keep up with that. I’m glad to say my focus has changed to appreciating myself as I am naturally. Having a strong body and being healthy is what’s important to me now.

emeraldisles's avatar

I know women who are like this and to me there ’‘perfection’’. Jeez people need to have better self esteem.

YoBob's avatar

Anybody who has not seen this video needs to.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Hell yes I think women are too hard on themselves. I also think that we are too hard on each other.
What do I obsess over? That’s a long list. I have an obsessive compulsive disorder that actually focuses on my reflection and an attempt to “fix” my appearance. I have done some really absurd things in a pathetic attempt to change the way that I look, and if I had money to throw around, I’m sure I’d have several cosmetic surgeries by this point. I find it especially sad as someone that has taken the pressure in a very negative way. When I look at other women, who I perceive as beautiful, that feel the same insecurities… it breaks my heart.

I keep this video in my profile, but I find it incredibly touching and inspirational. I think every woman should watch it.

6rant6's avatar

I think women want to look good (and young) for themselves and for their SO’s. I will only speak for what men want. Yes, we do want you to look good. Here are things we like to see on a woman:


We also like to see our own perceptions of “feminine” which may include length of hair, size of butt, and tattoos, just depending.

I think women underestimate the degree to which we idealize women we are in love with. The way you look is more and more what we like. Just let us see it. Is that so much to ask?

Coloma's avatar


Bingo! It is ALL about self esteem. I have always valued myself most for my strength of character. my humor, my creative talents, much more so than body image.

I think for some that have enjoyed extreme physical beauty the aging process is much harder on them as in the case of my ex friend.

I was ‘cute’ but never the oversexed glamorous type of woman, more the ‘girl next door’ type.
Maybe I developed my inner qualities more because of this.

BeccaBoo's avatar

@YoBob Thank you for putting that video in there. I think that about sums up why some women and younger girls strive for what’s not real. I am 36 and have finally accepted myself for the person i am, and try to make good with what god gave me, however looking at my young friends daughter and hearing some of my girlfriends talk, they think they are ugly because of everything that’s thrust in our face, because they see their SO finding it attractive, makes them want it more. I am going to be posting this to a few people, can’t wait for their response.

bkcunningham's avatar

My personal push and goal that I have put upon myself (this morning) is to be better than those beatches on the golf course. They are in their 60–70 and one is nearly 80. I will beat their asshes one way or another. Friday my friends. Friday.

BeccaBoo's avatar

@bkcunningham random…..but very funny. Good luck with that :-)

bkcunningham's avatar

Yeah, right. I’m going to kick their askss…one day. I meant thier ages, not their scores are in the 60–70s. LOL I haven’t played with them yet.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@YoBob Thank-you for sharing that video.

Are women too hard on themselves? From what I’ve seen, only a handful are. What more frequently happens is that they get caught up in the peer pressure of attempting to look better than they already do. The desire gets fanned like a flame by the media. (See YoBob’s video.) Fortunately, many outgrow this through embracing who they are and with the encouragement of their loved ones.

tedibear's avatar

I cannot speak for all women, but I can say that sometimes I think I am. Then I look in the mirror and think, “Nope, you look just as bad as you thought.”

I find it interesting that men say they’re not as interested in women’s looks as women think. Then they “read” Playboy, admire actresses and do the “head snap” second look in a mall or bar. Of course, this gets blamed on their “wiring” and “being visual.” I’m not saying it’s wrong to do any of those things, I just don’t want men to underestimate the effect that those things might have on your S.O. (Not on everyone’s S.O., so please know that I’m not trying to generalize. I know that there are women who don’t care because their self-esteem is so good. Or because these women get the “you’re beautiful/pretty/attractive” message from their partners on a regular basis, they feel less threatened by those actions. Or possibly both.)

@YoBob – I agree with your comments about clothes and hairdos being more for women and their friends. My husband has much better fashion sense than I do, so he will notice how something looks on me. But I know that he is not the norm. And I, too, like that video from Dove.

@Coloma – I like what you said about valuing yourself for creative talents, strength of character and humor. I’ve tried for years to do that with limited success. It’s hard to keep up though when you get passed over time and time again for those who are better looking. All of this, of course, makes it hard to believe my husband when he says he’s not worried about how I look. Very, very hard to believe.

I definitely think there is a media inundation component to this. I’m not sure what the best way is to combat this. I don’t know if it’s as difficult for boys as it is for girls, but I wish there was a way to stop – or at least slow – these messages.

Coloma's avatar


We are what we are and the quickest path to misery is to compare ourselves to others.
I am sure you are a beautiful person, we are all beautiful, in our own way.

Hey everyone…lets have a sing along! ;-)

BeccaBoo's avatar

@tedibear I completely agree with you on every level. And I do believe that @Coloma is right about it being down to some women’s personal issues with themselves and their own self esteem.
You look at any beautiful woman, to us we see the shell that is so pretty, to her she looks at it everyday and will never see what we see.
My SO has a very wandering eye, I don’t in anyway begrudge him looking, however it contradicts what he says about what he thinks is attractive. When we see beautiful women on the TV and in the movies, music videos and magazines etc, it makes life hard to live up to. It’s not about plastic, fake or false for me it’s about us as a collective group finding out how other women feel about living up to the comparison of being something we never can? And I also worry when I hear a 15 year old girl saying she needs plastic surgery to improve an already beautiful face and implants on breasts that are still developing because this is what she thinks is normal? This just would not have been the case 20 yrs ago, never an option! Today’s society, Internet, movies and advertising. Who takes the blame for planting the seed?

tedibear's avatar

@Coloma – singing, that I can do. But not that song because it’s kind of sappy!

@BeccaBoo – Well said.

Coloma's avatar


Well there ya go! I have always wished I could sing well!

I have noticed my nose is getting BIGGER in my middle age…I admit, I have a slight trepidation of having an old lady nose that seems to widen. And one of my boobs is hanging a little bit lower than the other one too. Aging is not for wussies. lol

Coloma's avatar

Hmmm..maybe my nose isn’t getting bigger, maybe my face is shrinking. ;-)

tedibear's avatar

@Coloma or maybe both ?

PS: Being able to sing and/or being a “beautiful person” are not the same as being physically beautiful. Take a look at Susan Boyle before and after she was discovered. Had she been acceptable just for her amazing voice, the packaging would have been unnecessary.

bkcunningham's avatar

Yeah, they were poo poo heads who changed her looks. She has an amazing voice.

Coloma's avatar


She So deserved to have all that good stuff come to her. I have never felt so happy for another as I did when she was ‘discovered.’ :-)

Coloma's avatar


Great, sooo, by the time I am 80 I’ll look like Pinnochio? lol

bkcunningham's avatar

Discovered for her voice and the soul that brought if forth, right, @Coloma? were u drunk fluthering the other day?

Coloma's avatar

Right! The rest of your question…dunno what you mean?

bkcunningham's avatar

Okie dokie @Coloma. What ever you say. ;)

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Oh god I love this question I would give many great questions if I could…but I can only give one…. But YES! Ladies I honestly think you try TOO HARD…I vowed and Pinky promised my girlfriend that I will call her “beautiful, gorgeous, My princess, sexy, etc etc” Up until she believes me on what I say to her…I think all women are perfect the way you are…But I have to say I don’t like the fake…the false body look, there we go! It’s…kinda a turn off for me since it’s not the real thing….Might as well love a manikin if you ask me! But yes over all that is my answer, I agree to all women that sure you may not be beautiful…To EVERYONE, but you’re as beautiful as the most radiant roses in your own way, and to some other lucky guy that you’ll be in the arms of some day (unless you already have one…That’s different) If you mean personality wise, then say be yourself. We’re all in the same planet (at least I hope) we’re all human and we should open our eyes and accept one another! Women…you’re all beautiful!!!!

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