Do you ever get amused by how some questions seem to connect together?

You see the things you have an interest in. When I feel especially single, all I see is couple crap stuff.

I’ve noticed that often once you open the door on a topic a rash of similar questions will appear. Maybe you gave everyone else the courage to ask them. Good on yer!

Hmmm…kinda like buying a new car with a unique style…and begin noticing half the world driving the same model car, where you never even noticed it before…

It’s a psychological term called perceptual vigilance.

Great, everything I experience has a pschological term…that can’t be good, lol!

@yankeetooter It’s really, really, really hard to do anything new these days.

Thanks for giving it a name, @wundayatta. I notice the phenomenon often. I may never have given a second of consideration to say, Belgium, but the second I do acknowledge the existence of Belgium the word appears on my beer bottle, my chocolate wrapper, the pancake house menu and everywhere else I look.

I did notice that too last night, because I also chimed in on those other threads. I think you are mostly likely to notice things, and maybe chalk it up to coincedence or fate, because you are filtering for things that are of interest to you and you are particularly sensitive to the “relationship” questions right now.

That’s why I always end up on the food questions. But because recipes and anecdotes about food aren’t particularly emotional (although they certainly can be if you’ve had weight issues, or an eating disorder, or you don’t know how to cook and think that you should know how) I just see them as more opportunites to enjoy myself talking about food, but I don’t see them as ironic, because just like the relationship questions, they’re there every day.

When your senses are heightened, because you are in the middle of a particular situation, you are likely to place more “value” on things that seem to come out of nowhere, but are incredibly similar to your own situation.

By the way, thanks for the call out in your question : ) I wish I could be the actual person to go and talk to you know who. ; )

kinda like when I had my appendix out about a month ago, I found out loads of people I know have had them out and then someone who I know tells me her daughter has to have hers out! It really is strange isn’t it! I second @Blueroses thanks @wundayatta :)

You’re welcome, @Kardamom! I don’t think I’m going to go through with that though. I’m almost certain he’s not interested, and that would only be awkward for him if I did that…it seems only fair that if there’s going to be awkwardness, that we both share it. That will only happen if I approach him, which I can’t see happening…

Not to sound like a broken record, but why do you believe that there are only 2 ways to handle this situation? That’s where you’re getting bogged down. Like they say, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

If this guy is as nice as you say he is, a little awkwardness (if you send a friend to talk to him) is not going to kill him or turn him into a raving lunatic or make him run screaming from the room. Plus, you are under no obligation to share in the awkward moment. You aren’t in a court room where every thing has to be equal. You are just trying to find out how he feels about you, that’s all. Don’t make this bigger or more dramatic than it is. If you can use a friend to help you find out for sure, then do it. I assure you that this guy will not start pulling his hair out in clumps or demanding to see anyone’s credentials. He will just tell your friend how he feels and the friend will let you know, that’s it.

And if you simply can’t face him directly, then you will never know and I’m afraid that you will dwell on this way into the future, without having any kind of closure.

Why would you think that sending him a card with an invitation to get coffee is awkward? Either he’ll say yes, or he’ll send his regrets.

I think you are still giving this guy too much power by even assuming that giving him one little awkward moment is more than he can bear or that it will be some type of huge injustice to him. Give him a little bit of credit for being reasonable.

Back in the old days, when people had chaperones, friends and go-betweens were often used to issue invitations and to ascertain the feelings of potential matches. So just look at it like that, you’re indulging in a bit of nostalgia. Rent Sense and Sensibility for some fine examples of this phenomenon. You know Alan Rickman is in it!!!

Yes, how could I forget! When he comes back carrying her in the pouring down rain…sigh! I don’t know, I’m still thinking on it…

Today’s project is for you to contact at least 2 of your friends (male or female) let them know the situation and see what they think about any of the suggestions that I have made, and if any of them would be willing to talk to him. If they think all of my ideas are crap, then we’ll have to figure out something else.

But for today, only, this is your mission. Now where’d you put that phone book?

Phone book, huh? You mean to look up his number?

No, I mean get out your personal phone book and call your friends! Re-read my above post.

I probably shouldn’t tell you this (lol!), but I’ve already had at least one person offer to do the above…also, I have his e-mail…

Ok, then if you’ve already had a friend offer to talk to them, take them up on the suggestion. It really won’t be all that awkward for the guy.

My 2 friends, for whom I served as the go-between, felt much more comfortable talking to me and having me relay the information, than they would have been talking directly to each other (remember I said that they carried on like that for almost 3 years, until I became the go-between).

All your friend has to do, is go up to your guy and say something like this, “Yankeetooter is quite shy, but she thinks very highly of you (or really likes you a lot) and would like to know if you are interested in going to coffee. You are single, right?”

He will either say that he is not single (which means he is either not single, or he is letting you down politely).

Then he will say something regarding how he feels about you. He might say that he thinks very highly of you too and that he would love to have coffee with you. In that case, your friend should ask him to contact you, or ask him when is a good time for him and get his contact info so that you can call him.

Or he might say that he thinks very highly of you, but he doesn’t see you in that way. In this case your friend should ask him if if he wants to be “just friends with you” to which he will either say yes, which will have to be fine for you. Or he will say no because it would be too painful for both of you.

I really don’t think it will be very awkward for the guy, he is likely to be flattered, no matter where he stands with you. It won’t be awkward for your friend, because he/she isn’t meddling, just delivering the message (like all those messages that kept coming to the house in Sense and Sensibility) It will be a little nerve-wracking for you while you are waiting for an answer, but you WILL get an answer.

Now get on the phone and call this friend to make the arrangment. I wish you the best of luck. : )

Yikes…

Don’t be scared. I’m trying to walk you through this. Your friend will actually be doing the talking, so you don’t have to worry about that part either.

I am scared…I still have to see this guy on campus…

Don’t be scared, though. He’s just a human being.

He probably sits at home, pops zits onto the mirror, smells the stuff that he picks out of his toes and shoves his hand down his pants and scratches while he’s watching football. He probably also picks up stuff off the floor that he’s dropped and eats it anyway (when nobody is looking) and he probably drinks milk right out of the carton. He’s just a man.

On the other hand, Alan Rickman would never do any of those things! Ha Ha. He probably has a Butler to do those things for him.

He has no zits…no butler, either I imagine. He does have a voice that does the same thing to me that Alan Rickman’s (particularly as Snape) does…

Thanks for the lovely images…I’ll bring some hand sanitizer on our first date…lol!

Here’s to first dates and hand sanitzer!