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maggiesmom1's avatar

What can a 3rd grader do when her friends don't like her?

Asked by maggiesmom1 (634points) November 9th, 2006
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

Supergirl's avatar
I have had this issue with a student in my 3rd grade classroom this year. The most important thing for her, I think, is to understand what good qualities are in friends. Also, I would point out that these things seem to go in waves. The girls in my class are constantly picking another girl in the group to pick on. I would encourage the teacher to support her as well, and maybe meet have them meet with the other girls.
andrew's avatar
I'd encourage her that those of us who have hard times in elementary school develop great senses of humour and end up being popular in high school or college.
soccrgal's avatar
has she looked through the neighborhood?
tejassyd's avatar
When I had a problem with bullies in 3rd grade, my mom taught me to say "thank you" whenever they were mean to me. A comment like that shows that you're unphased by their cruelty and completely disarms them at the same time. I'd encourage her to develop a strong core inside of herself and learn that she's in control of who she decides to become friends with. I'd let her know that these particular kids are not worth her worries.
tejassyd's avatar
Ps. I love the name Maggie!
ava's avatar
Maybe try inviting some friends over for dinner so they can see her outside of the classroom.
maggiesmom1's avatar
Such great ideas from y'all. Thank you. And Maggie thanks you as well.
benjiwitz's avatar
show her the movie: little miss sunshine. is it ok for 3rd graders?
skfinkel's avatar
I think my sister had something like this, and she really kept her cool through all the meanness, just kept her center strong, and she ended up being best friends with all of them. I agree about the humor comment as well. But I'll get my sister on for a first person report on what she did.
nomtastic's avatar
also, find other avenues for friends. sports, dance, whatever it may be. sometimes the kids you're stuck with in the class all day get sick of you and you get sick of them.
occ's avatar
i had problems with "mean girls" in elementary school and then had really great experiences at summer camp full of other nerdy kids like me :). I agree with nomtastic that the best thing to do is find a different place for her to make friends outside of school.
gailcalled's avatar
Making friends outside of the school environment is great, but this little girl has to spend lots of time w. these bullies. The teacher should do some subtle intervention, I would think. And also try to find out the root causes....your phrase "her friends don't like her" is curious. Were they originally friends and then bullies? Was there a trigger event? Not fun. I think most of us had some experience like that in one grade or another.
toomuchcoffee911's avatar

@benjiwitz isn’t that movie rated R? Funny, though…

ECassandra's avatar

The daughter of a coworker of mine, who recently entered the 7th grade, is facing a similar problem: upon returning from summer break, her (now ex-)best friend mysteriously began criticizing her outfits and abandoning her for more popular girls.

Losing friends, especially for shallow and superficial reasons beyond one’s control, is an unfortunate part of life that leaves the snubbed individual of any age feeling hurt, confused, and lonely. Assuming that you’re asking as the mother of the 3rd grader in question, my advice is to encourage your daughter to communicate with you about this problem, resist the impulse to involve yourself (e.g. contacting her “friends’” parents), make yourself as available as possible to spend time with her, as the process of making new friends can be lonely, and avoid criticisms at this sensitive time, even those you may perceive as constructive. While she may not struggle with self-esteem issues yet, it is never too early to build a foundation of self-confidence that will be essential as she gets older, the stakes get higher, and this sort of thing happens again.

My advice to my coworker (which may be impractical- it’s hard to remember how difficult it is to be in K-12) was to remind her daughter that it always pays to be nice. As hurt as she may be, and as rewarding as it may feel to be mean back, learning to be nice even in these sorts of situations will enable her to make new friends quickly and easily. (One of the only positive aspects of children’s TV programs these days is the reinforcement of this message; shows like Hannah Montana valorize nice girls and make mean behavior seem as shallow, petty, and undesirable as it really is.)

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think I just found the oldest thread on Fluther! But the only one who is going to see this is @gailcalled.

raum's avatar

The oldest thread is the salt and pepper thread!

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